Let us analyse the IELTS writing task 2 response of a candidate to find out why he was given Band 5 in the mock IELTS exam.
Question:
Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time. To what extent do you agree on this statement?
Candidate’s Response:
A famous person or celebrity become popular through media as well as due to people celebrity brings benefits along with problems.
To begin with, there are many benefits of being a celebrity. Firstly, as a celebrity become its own image or dignity. Every one know to famous person. Secondly, every person give regards and respect to the famous person. For example, Amir Khan is famous personality. Most of the people give respect and like his acting, work or physique. Thirdly, famous person have more money, comfort devices and more property. Moreover they can bring what they want.
On the other hand, there are more problems for celebrity. First of all, famous person cannot go anywhere lonely and cannot enjoy freedom with family. Moreover, famous person does not have enough time for their family and persue their hobbies. Furthermore, famous person have to go anywhere with security because of the crowd.
In addition to this, due to popularity media always spread news regarding famous person. Moreover, media create issues regarding personal or families problems.
In conclusion, being a famous film star or sports man take more benefits but, we cannot denied about negative effects.
Now, let us do thorough analysis of this IELTS writing task 2 response as follows:
Introduction: Strength:
The candidate has tried to attempt paraphrasing of question statement but it contains errors and leads to confusion for the reader.
Corrected Errorneous Statement:
“A famous person or celebrity become popular through media as well as due to people celebrity brings benefits along with problems” should be “A famous person or celebrity, who becomes popular through media as well as due to the people who become his crazy fans, enjoys numerous benefits as well as faces a lot of problems in the society”
Body Para 1:
Strength:
Sentence connectors (firstly, second, thirdly etc.) are used, adequate use of vocabulary (regards, respect, famous,comfort, physique etc.) and a lot of ideas are given.
Corrected Errorneous Statement:
“as a celebrity become its own image or dignity” should be “as a celebrity, your gain reputation and have a dignity of your own”, “every one know to famous person” should be “every one knows the famous person”, “every person give regards” should be “every person gives regards”, “Amir Khan is famous personality” should be “Amir Khan is a famous personality”, “famous person have more money” should be “famous person has more money”, “Moreover they” should be “Moreover, they”
Connectors are used excessively, ideas are not fully explained or supported, a lot of errors related to grammar, tense and sentence structures.
Body Para 2:
Strength:
Sentence connectors are used, different problems are given as per the question.
“time for their family and persue their hobbies” should be “time for his family and to persue his hobbies”, “famous person have to go” should be “famous person has to go”
Corrected Errorneous Statement:
Connectors are used excessively, ideas are not fully explained or supported, a lot of errors related to grammar, tense and sentence structures.
Body Para 3:
Strength:
Connectors are used and more ideas are given.
Corrected Errorneous Statement:
“due to popularity media always spread news regarding famous person” should be “due to popularity, media always spreads news about famous persons”, “media create issues regarding personal or families problems” should be “media creates issues regarding personal or family problems”
Connectors are again used excessively, ideas are not fully explained or supported, errors related to subject-verb agreement and punctuation are there, third paragraph can be extended in length.
Conclusion:
Strength:
Conclusion is clear and connectors are used.
Corrected Errorneous Statement:
“sports man take more benefits but, we cannot denied about negative effects” should be “sportsman provides more benefits, but we cannot deny about the negative effects”
Errors related to punctuation, word usage and grammar are there.
Word Length: Firstly, the candidate has written 193 words i.e. less than 250 words and hence the task would be penalized with low band score.
Expected Band Score: Band 5
On the whole, the candidate has tried to answer the question mentioning a lot of reasons and benefits but they are not fully extended and/or supported. There are generally a lot of errors related to grammar, tense and others that lowers the band score. Above all, not meeting the required word lenth of 250 words further penalizes the essay.
Comments:
It is very important many parents believe younger should work in the other job. Some people believe that many children need to study these days. Do you agree or disagree?
It is true that many parents believe that offspring ought to work in the other occupation. While some people who think, a large number of children need to study. Notwithstanding, from my standpoint, it is more vital many offspring need to work rather than occupation.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people who willing their children ought to work these days. The first reason is that too many parents have enough experience about life than children. If some people who are on the verge of working their offspring, which is more likely to benefits for children because, they can be significantly changed in their life. Additionally, there are likely to be more living an appealing than they studies.
On the other hand, I believe, it is likely to have a determental impact on children live, when their parents are on the brink of working. It is in my opinion, this type of notion which can be emerged enormously problematics in their life. For instance, the more a number of students who cannot spending time to manage a new language to study. Meanwhile, they reside a distance from parents. If they study, as a result, the more offspring could capable of finding many money rather than their parents are on the point of working. And this one, unspeakable affecting not only the overall their parents willing their offspring should work, but also the lives of others.
In conclusion, it is more crucial a number of children ought to study rather than some people believe younger should work.
my name is Rajendra.
In many nations, most people are unwilling to work as teachers, especially in secondary schools. While relatively lower wages can be a barrier to becoming teachers, governments can solve this issue by raising teachers' salaries.
Many people tend to choose other jobs over teaching to earn a better income, however, in today’s unequal economy, teachers normally earn less than those working in other fields. A good example could be doctors, whose salary is likely ten times higher than that of teachers, making teaching far less satisfying for many people searching for high-salary jobs. That said, some people still prefer to work as teachers regardless of salary, as teaching can be rewarding at times thanks to some curious students who support their teacher’s growth in knowledge.
Interest in teaching among people could rise significantly once the government decides to increase teachers’ salaries. Most people are attracted to lucrative jobs when searching for job prospects, and they want to make as much money as possible. Teaching can also seem appealing to a number of people when individuals working in this profession receive higher pay. As an illustration, once the government in my home country decided to raise teachers' salaries, most people started working as teachers, even if they already had jobs. Given that, we should persuade the government to increase teachers' salaries, particularly in schools.
In conclusion, although many people are no longer interested in teaching due to lower wages, we can still attract individuals to the profession by persuading governments to raise teachers' earnings.
By. Mr. Oybek
this should be under 5
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Due To So Many Young People Dropping Out Of Schools The Rate Of Unempl...
Due to so many young people dropping out of schools, the rate of unemploymentis increasing, and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved?
A several numbers of masses are not getting any employment opportunities due to dropping their education at young age. i fully agree with this statement. To commence with, education play an indispensable role in the economy development of a country. To elaborately, It is the key factor of human beings life, moreover it creates employment opportunities to the peoples as per their skill and demand for the economy improvement. therefore many of youngster or children dropped their schooling at young age, it can create a negative impact, and disadvantages to the nation, because dropping education increases the rate of poverty and reduce the infrastructure development as well as it increase the death rate every year. which has low economy rate such as Bangladesh, burnia etc the reason why these countries are not properly developed because of their people dropped their education schooling at the age between 10 to 20. so, these countries made the less economic development. On the other hand, situation can be improved by providing education facilities to every sector as well as strict rule and regulation with the help of government. In other words, country can be developed economically. if there is a good governance. which keeps and give people. public should consider(choose) a good governance for their prosperity life. thus, a lot of countries like western nation such as the USA, France etc have good economic status all over the world and good rule and regulation. In conclusion, although there are a lot of children all over the world. Some of them tiny country children used to a bonded their schooling everyday while other children from western countries are engaging in education.
RUN PREMIUM CHECKER
Essay
American English
1 paragraphs276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
Answer all parts of the question
?Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
?Currently is not available
Meet the criteria
Doesn't meet the criteria
Hello i am malkit Singh, I don't know about writing in the ielts, now I am facing a lot of problems.may you help me
Chal nikal madarchod
Kutea Gaal kinu kadda
Chutiya Hai writing Ata nahi aur Chala Hai ielts dene
Is this a opinion essay
It is very important many parents believe younger should work in the other job. Some people believe that many children need to study these days. Do you agree or disagree?
It is true that many parents believe that offspring ought to work in the other occupation. While some people who think, a large number of children need to study. Notwithstanding, from my standpoint, it is more vital many offspring need to work rather than occupation.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people who willing their children ought to work these days. The first reason is that too many parents have enough experience about life than children. If some people who are on the verge of working their offspring, which is more likely to benefits for children because, they can be significantly changed in their life. Additionally, there are likely to be more living an appealing than they studies.
On the other hand, I believe, it is likely to have a determental impact on children live, when their parents are on the brink of working. It is in my opinion, this type of notion which can be emerged enormously problematics in their life. For instance, the more a number of students who cannot spending time to manage a new language to study. Meanwhile, they reside a distance from parents. If they study, as a result, the more offspring could capable of finding many money rather than their parents are on the point of working. And this one, unspeakable affecting not only the overall their parents willing their offspring should work, but also the lives of others.
In conclusion, it is more crucial a number of children ought to study rather than some people believe younger should work.