Let us do full analysis of IELTS writing task 2 of candidate preparing for IELTS exam.
Question:
Shopping has become a hobby nowadays, rather than necessity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Candidate’s Response: Shopping is nowadays known as leisure activity and also they do not know the value of money but in olden days, people used to shop when needed.
In this modern era, people take shopping as a leisure activity and people are not compareing the difference between need and greed. Obviously we will always need to shop for the basic items of food or clothing. However, in today’s life style we no longer just shop for the basic items needs.
Furthermore, markets are also to be blamed for encouraging us to shop more from greed than needs. Everywhere in supermarket we can see the offers which attractes us to shop such as : buy one get another one free etc. In addition, traditional malls, leisure complexes supermarket along with many more facilities to attract the crowd towards shopping.
Moreover, changes in life style also impact or effects the shopping life on the other side of coin in older time people know about the value of money. They shop when need and there is not much in supermarkets to shop such as shopping attractions offers offer by markets etc.
In nutshell, shopping should be done when need people should know about the value of money. Its very hard to earn money in this era of competition in each and every feild of working.
(221 words)
We will be doing analysis of the above IELTS writing task 2 as follows:
Firstly, the essay is underlength with 226 words and hence it will be penalized with low band score for having less than 250 words.
Introduction
Strength:
Paraphrasing is attempted with the use of vocabulary (leisure activity)
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Shopping is, nowadays, known as leisure activity and also, people do not know the value of money but in olden days, people used to shop only when needed”
Body Para 1
Strength:
Sentence connectors are used (in this modern era, however etc.) and ideas are given.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“In this modern era, people consider shopping as a leisure activity and they are unaware the difference between neediness and greediness. Obviously, we will always need to shop for the basic items of food or clothing. However, in today’s life style, we no longer just shop for the basic items needs but for our pleasure sake.”
The given ideas are not fully extended with clarity and supported with examples
Body Para 2
Strength:
Sentence connectors (furthermore, in addition etc.) are used and ideas along with some specific examples are written.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Furthermore, markets are also to be blamed for encouraging us to shop more with greediness rather than on the basis of requirements. Everywhere in supermarket one can see the lucrative offers which attract us to shop more, such as, buy one get and another one free offers really attract customers. In addition, large and traditional malls, leisure complexes, big supermarkets are loaded with many facilities to attract the crowd towards shopping.”
Body Para 3
Strength:
Sentence connector (moreover) is used and ideas are written to illustrate opinion with an attempt to use idiomatic expression (on the other side of coin)
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Moreover, changes in lifestyle also impacts or affects people’s shopping habits but on the other side of coin, in older time, people knew the value of money. They used to shop only when needed and there never used to be much in the supermarkets to shop such as shopping attractions and tempting offers.
Conclusion Strength:
Sentence connector (in nutshell) is used and conclusive suggestion is provided at the end.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
In a nutshell, shopping should be done only when there is a need and people should know about the value of money since it is very hard to earn money in this era of competition in each and every field of work.
Paraphrasing of question is missing in the conclusion.
Expected Band Score: Band 5
The candidate tries to answer the parts of questions with relevant ideas but they lack coherence and proper support with examples is not given, and other than this, word length should be increased more. There are usually simple sentences written and errors are there in an attempt to write complex sentence.
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