Some people feel that the government should pay the costs of running universities so that a university education will be free for anyone who wants it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Topic:
Some people feel that the government should pay the costs of running universities so that a university education will be free for anyone who wants it.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Original Essay:
Nowadays, tuition fees of universities are extremely expensive to be afforded by middle-class parents who wish to send their children to university for education. Hence, some people believe that government should subsidize the universities for the expenses incurred by it, so that universities may offer free education to anyone. I, however, disagree with the view. Being rational, I believe that choosing the view will give birth to certain difficulties such as an increase in taxes, shortage of universities and its resources, and increase in unemployment rate.
Firstly, Government expenditures will significantly increase if it starts providing financial grants to universities. This will cause a deficit to the Government’s budget, and to overcome it, the Government will increase taxes which, effectively, will become a direct cost to the general public. Moreover, the Government may also reduce its spending on public development projects which will affect public’s living standard.
Secondly, if universities’ education is made available to everyone for free, then everyone, who are eligible, will try to get enroll them with the universities which will eventually lead to scarce of universities and its resources. Presently, universities are not prepared to absorb the impact of a sudden increase in the number of admissions.
Last but not the least, making universities’ education available to everyone will escalate the unemployment rate. The number of graduates from universities will considerably increase due to free education. Since, graduates from universities demand jobs specific to their field, such as marketing, finance, management, etc. therefore, this will result in the shortage of manpower for inferior jobs, and surplus of manpower in other field jobs.
Education has a great importance in today’s world, and I believe obtaining an education is everyone’s right, but one should struggle to achieve it, instead of relying on the government. Making education free to everyone will create a good impression in the first sight, however, the aftermath of the decision will be dreadful. Thus, I am of the opinion that government should not bear the cost of the education.
(Written by Charles Harris)
Corrected Essay:
Nowadays, tuition fees of universities University tuition fees are extremely can be much more expensive to be afforded by for middle-class parents who wish to send their children to university for education those wanting to study at higher degree. Hence, some people believe that government should subsidize the universities for the expenses incurred by it, so that universities may offer pay for university for its citizens, so this educational institution is always made available for everyone free education to anyone. I, however, disagree with the view. Being rational, I believe that choosing the view will give birth to certain difficulties such as an However, I disagree with the initiative as this tends to increase in taxes, lead to shortage of universities and its resources, and increase in cause unemployment rate.
Nowadays is too generic to use in an IELTS writing context. Try to find another expression.
afforded by middle-class parents is not the part of the keywords. I think you’d better not to include this one as this may bring the topic little bit sidetrack.
their children is not appropriate here. Change it.
A passive form like incurred by it affects the flow of the sentence.
I strongly suggest merging these two sentences: I, however, disagree with the view. Being rational, I believe, with a subordinating conjunction, or any transitional signal.
This phrase, the view will give birth, is not appropriate here. Omit it
Although the author attempts to state his/ her opinion, some errors in sentence structure impede the communication. This needs changing. Please read my suggestion in the last sentence.
Firstly, Ggovernment’s annual expenditures will significantly increase if it starts providing financial grants to universities. This will cause a budget deficit to the Government’s budget in national income, and therefore to overcome it this deficiency can be alleviated if only, the Government will increase taxes were which, effectively, will become a direct cost to the are levied on general public. Moreover, the Government may also reduce its spending on public development projects which will affect public’s living standard. For example, tertiary education provided by Indonesian government is fully-funded, and therefore this has resulted in a dramatic rise in the number of young people enrolling at university as everybody is free to study. However, the government has raised national taxes on daily products and used the additional revenue to run local universities over the last 5 years.
Pay attention to upper-case letters, as they lower your score if frequently come out in your essay.
The second sentence is too way long. You need to break it down into two or three sentences in a row. Remember a short sentence brings clarity.
The last sentence is little bit off-topic, so I omit and change it into an example, supporting the topic sentence in this paragraph.
For the body paragraphs, you need to include evidence (examples) to convince your readers why they should agree with your view. A good example is developed from the journalistic questions: What, Why, When, Where, Who and How.
Secondly, if universities’ education is made available to everyone for offer free study due to government’s funding, then everyone, who are eligible, will try to get enroll them with the universities which will eventually lead to scarce of this will represent huge increase in demand for higher degree while a serious problem of universityies and its resources shortages will soon intensify. Presently, universities are not prepared to absorb the impact of a sudden increase in the number of admissions. This is because student numbers are bound to start to grow towards over decades, while majority areas are facing an educator supply crisis. Not only this, universities will face overcapacity of available places for students. For the aforementioned reason, I do not support that government should pay for universities.
The topic sentence in the second body paragraph is too lengthy.
I suggest shortening your sentences as to keep the flow.
The last argument about the rise in the number of admissions has poor cohesion as it shows circular reasoning.
Last but not the least, Finally, making universities’ education available to everyone will escalate the unemployment rate. The number of graduates from universities will considerably increase due to free education. Since, graduates from universities demand jobs specific to their field, such as marketing, finance, and management, etc. therefore, this (STOP HERE) will result in the shortage of manpower shortages for inferior jobs, and while surplus of manpower employee surplus in other field jobs ones.
Last but not the least is verbose. Try to use shorter expressions, like finally or lastly.
Etc is too vague. Do not use it in an IELTS essay.
The shortage of manpower is counted as 4 words. Simply write manpower shortages.
To avoid being redundant, you need to change surplus of manpower into employee surplus
Change field jobs into ones as to avoid repetition
In conclusion, Education has a great importance in today’s world, and I believe obtaining an education is everyone’s right, but one should struggle to achieve it, instead of relying on the government. Making education free to everyone will create a good an impression in the first sight, however, the aftermath of the decision will be dreadful. Thus, I am of the opinion think that government should not bear the cost of the education.
It is better to put a concluding phrase to show that you want to end the essay.
You are not allowed to present a new idea in this part. Omit this: Education has a great importance in today’s world
Good is too commonly used. Find another expression.
These phrases in the first sight, however, the aftermath of the decision will be dreadful. have nothing to do with the topic. I suggest omitting it.
am of the opinion is too complicated. Write think is much better.
Let give you an example how to write a brief conclusion:
In conclusion, the idea that government should allocate some funds to university course fees is the most valued, as this helps more students study for free. However, over reliance on this raises serious problems.
335 Words
Overall: 5.0
● Task Response: 4
✓ responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential; the format may be inappropriate
✓ presents a position but this is unclear (adding a new idea)
✓ presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported.
● Coherence and Cohesion: 4
✓ presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response
✓ uses some basic cohesive devices but these may be inaccurate or repetitive
✓ may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing
● Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
● Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
This essay is corrected by Eddy Suaib - IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris
Comments:
Here is the essay I came up with
Supermarkets are gaining popularity in many countries. Some people argue that small local businesses are finding it extremely difficult to survive in the midst of swift growth and development of supermarkets and that the local communities would die out as the local businesses shut down. I completely disagree with this argument and will try to explain in this essay why so.
The reasons for supermarkets becoming popular are manifold. Firstly, they provide a single platform to customers where they can purchase everything they need ranging from groceries to clothing and more. Consequently, they do not have to make multiple stops at different stores to get the needful, hence , making shopping extraordinarily convenient. Secondly, they offer a number of facilities including car park, toilets, deli counters, resting areas to make shopping a more comfortable and fun experience. Thus, pulling more and more customers and multiplying the business.
As more people opt to shop at supermarkets, local busnesses suffer loss and eventually shut down. However, that, in no way, result in local communities' death. Today's customers are resourceful and educated. They have the means of transportation and time to go to supermarkets as shopping has transformed into an entertainment. Convenience stores , on the other hand, still have a chance to survive by relocating to area where there is enough clientage. All in all, local communities can travel to supermarkets just fine and can easily survive in the absence of local convenience stores.
In conclusion, supermarkets have given local businesses a tough time. In my opinion, local stores can relocate to carry on and even if they do not, local communities will survive by shopping at supermarkets because they are capable of doing so.
wow. very helpful.
Do you provide essay correction service ?
I found your article to be very informative. Thank you for sharing. https://brauer-es.com
The store may attract many customers, but it can hurt the local business. It is thought that the closing of small business and the https://basketballstarsgame.io eventual destruction of the community will result from this.
The building of megamarts is increasingly eliminating economic opportunities for residents. Supermarkets provide discounts and special deals to entice customers, and it has been found that customers prefer to shop at supermarkets rather than smaller stores.
Required to the swift growth and expansion of supermarket in certain countries many small local business are at a loss to participate. Some people imagine that the shutdown of local business will have present about the end of local communities
I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.
I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.
I agree with the statement that supermarkets must have expanded and developing but unfortunately it is proportionally affecting the local and small businesses to shut their business. The small hawkers, shopkeepers, peddlers are the most affected local communities by the development of the supermarkets.
The pace of today’s era is rapidly moving to the advancement and the expansion of businesses are also developing with the number of supermarkets available everywhere. It is bringing the ease in our lifestyle by providing the items that comes in use in our day-to-day life. Supermarkets have variety of options available from vegetables to fruits, utensils, snacks, groceries, and it has expanded to the level that some of the supermarkets also have cloths & footwear section in it.
The construction of mega marts is gradually bringing the vanishment of the business for the locals. The supermarkets give discounts and offers to lure the consumers and it also has observed that the consumers opt for the supermarkets rather than buying it from the locals.
For example, I usually visit one of the supermarkets near to me. One day I received a text, explaining, there is an offer available in the supermarket of buy one get two free. I found the offer impressive, and I immediately visit the nearby supermarket. After reaching, I start exploring the other items along with the item I purposely came for. After a while, I realized even the product that was not supposed to be in my cart, I am buying all those products. I must say this happens with every individual who visit the supermarkets thinking of purchasing from the checklist but end up buying the few more items out of the checklist.
To conclusion, supporting small business is also mandatory along with the shopping from supermarkets. Most of the factories are dependent on the small business for their businesses too. Bringing the stability between the local sellers and supermarkets, they both can grow simultaneously and the fear among the local communities of closure of their businesses can be removed.
In few countries, the continual enlargement of supermarkets has become a threat to local businesses because small businesses are not able to stay in rat race. Few people assert that the termination of local business will lead local communities towards the edge of extinction. In agree with the above point because the expensive supermarkets are meant for affluent people.
In local communities, people chose minor businesses to support their livelihood and they primary option to shop because they sell items at much lower prices as compared to the bigger super market stores who charge extremely higher. If most people would start purchasing from super markets only then local people will die of hunger due to lack of customers. Moreover, due to lack of courage, motivation and capital, poor or middle class people will be left with no option to start their own business but do jobs for big enterprises. It will not only lead to the monopoly of big business giants but also vanish the local communities along with the local businesses.
The supermarkets attracts people to shop with them by offering various offers that people do not get on small shops, for example, reliance super stores attracts people by providing few things at a price lower than MRP;
consequently, customers prefers to go to supermarkets over regional shops which ultimately force shopkeepers to shut their shops permanently. It would increase the income disparity and which is not a good thing for any nation stability and economy, for instance, when poor becomes poorer and wealthy becomes wealthier, it results in lower GDP. It is undeniable that the lack of income sources in small communities will lead to their extinction.
To recapitulate, expansion of numerous of Supermarkets in metro cities is acceptable but in local or regional areas it would cause harm and hassle for common people. Authorities should come up with some welfare scheme for common people and limit the number of supermarkets in smaller areas.
The exponential growth that supermarkets have shown in some places because of the development of that country, has led to the death of some local businesses. As many say this is due to lack of competition between the two, I completely agree.
Firstly, The norm of buying anything and everything from the shopping mart is gaining popularity every day.It has become so convenient and effortless for people to visit the supermarket for their needs that they are nearly forgetting about the local shops that exist in their street or locality. This trend is definitely killing the small-scale shops that local people run.
Secondly, Due to this rapid and sudden expansion of the large-scale businesses our generation is slowly switching towards them not only for clothes, groceries, toiletries but also for food like shakes, smoothies and sandwiches.
However, small businesses which rely on just one income and work hard are failing miserably. They are unable to compete with the amount of money the supermarket have invested in, the amount of area that they have, the no.of staff that is working for them, the modern equipment they use and the immense amount of products they sell.
The gap between the two is increasing day by day and it is becoming almost impossible to fill.
To conclude I believe there is nothing wrong with this slow-paced shift that is taking place. In fact, It is quite a trouble free to shop like this and we can hardly do anything anymore to save the local shops.
Super markets are a great solution when it comes to shopping everything in a single place . While this may seem as a great advantage for localites , the local bussiness community gravely suffers because of this .I personally belive that supermarkets can bring down economy of small vendors for the following reasons.
Firstly , with the increase in number of people purchasing from the supermarkets can impact local vendors financially. For instance ,previously the stores were utilitily specific . When a person has to buy vegetables ,he/she would go for a vegetable shop and for electronics there will be an electonirc store . With supermarkets in picture , there is no need for people to go to those individual stores . Hence ,impacting the bussiness for local market .
Secondly , multiple supermarkets in a single location causes in single location causes traffic congestion . Because , often the praking spaces will get filled forcing the consumers to park in front of local shops which blocks their way .
Moreover, to compete with the supermarket , the local bussinessmen had to lower the price range which is pushing them towards losses .
Because of these reasons , I feel that state governament should impose regulations on number of supermarkets in a single location . Also it would be better if the supplies from for the supermarkets are brought from the local stores so that it will be a win win situation for both parties .
To conclude , I strongly agree that rapid expansion of the supermarkets can be detremental to local econamy if there are no right restrictions applied to them.