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The closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities

The closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities

4.0
(4 votes)

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.

Topic: Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sample answer

Nowadays a lot of large business such as supermarkets have been improved fastly and have become widespread in the world, therefore a lot of small business have affected and lost the ability to rival. Large number of people believe that closing like these small business will impact negatively and might destroy the local communities.

Firstly, small business play an important function in keeping the economy of local communities safe. In fact,local communities are vital because a lot of factories rely on to sell their products thus without these small business,large number of factories will be threaten to close as a result a lot workers might lose their jobs and lead to increase the idleness. For example,in some Mediterranean countries they are completely depend on a small business.In addition,there is a study says that roughly 80% percent of a people tend to buy their requirement such as foods and vegetables from small supermarkets because they found them cheaper than large supermarkets therefore without these local business the standard of the life would be very expensive and a people can not afford it.

Secondly, absence of local businesses will make the life very complicated for the people who life in a countryside areas.Moreover, in many Mediterranean countries,most people live in cities consequently large supermarkets not exist in a countryside as a result the people who live there buy their need from the the small supermarkets consequently we can not imagine our life without these small supermarket.

In conclusion,despite large supermarkets are important in our life since there are comprehensive and supply us with our need, however small supermarkets are also important and we have support them.

(Written by yaman magmomh)

Corrected Essay


Nowadays, a lot of many large business such as supermarkets have been improved fastly and have become widespread in the world, therefore.Therefore, a lot of various small businesses have affected and lost the ability to rival are put in a relentless competition. A Large number of people believe that the closing off like of these small businesses will impact negatively and might destroy the local communities.

  • Avoid usinga lot ofin a formal context. The reason:A lot of is counted as 3 words, whilemanyis counted as only 1 word. A good writer is expect to be able to write with fewer words, but still convey the same meaning.

  • You may think that usinga lot of helps you reach the 250 words target faster, but the IELTS examiners are savvy enough to know those pathetic tricks. Therefore, just avoid using it.

  • “Business” is a countable noun, so you have to usebusinesseswhenever necessary.

  • The author has failed to state his opinion in the introduction. Okay, some people believe that *whatever the crap*, but what is the author’s belief? This kind of mistake will reduce your score in Task Response criterion.


Firstly, small businesses play serve an important function in keeping the economy of local communities safe stable. In fact, local communities are vital because a lot of many factories rely on them to sell their products thus. Thus, without these small businesses, a large number of factories will be threaten to close be closed as. As a result, a lot numerous workers might lose their jobs and lead to increase the idleness become the social burden. For example, in some Mediterranean countries, they the local people are completely depend on a small businesses. In addition, there is a study says that roughly 80% percent of a people tend to buy their requirement necessity goods such as foods and vegetables from small supermarkets, because they found them cheaper than that of large supermarkets. therefore Therefore, without these local businesses, the standard of the life living standard would be very expensive and a people can not afford it.

  • The author tends to write very long sentences. Break them down into smaller pieces. And don’t forget to place a comma after a connective (for example, “as a result”).

  • Avoid writing stuff like “there is a study says that”. Which study are you referring on? In the IELTS exam, you cannot provide references for your evidence, unlike in a university thesis. Just stating statistics without any claim will lower your Coherence & Cohesion score.

  • Remember to use the plural form of a noun when necessary. And articles too.

Secondly, the absence of local businesses will make the life very complicated for the people who life live in a countryside areas. Moreover, in many Mediterranean countries, most people live in cities consequently. Consequently, large supermarkets not exist in a countryside. as As a result, the people who live there buy their need from the the small supermarkets consequently. Consequently, we can not imagine our life without these small supermarket.

  • The idea of “less small businesses means a rougher life for rural citizens” is already expressed in the previous body paragraph. So this section is irrelevant.

  • The author does not success in conveying his notion. There are some repetitions (“consequently”) and some ambiguous sentences.

In conclusion, despite although large supermarkets are important in our life since there are comprehensive and they supply us with our need, however small supermarkets are also important and we have to support them.

  • In the previous sections, the author has not stated the importance of large supermarkets. Therefore, using that idea here results in a weak conclusion.

  • Avoid using unneed subject such as “we”, or “the government”. Instead of writing “we have to support them”, change the phrase into passive voice, for example, “they need supporting”. More concise is always better.

Words: 280

Overall: 5.0

  • Task Response: 5

addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (due to the unclear introduction)
expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the second body paragraph is just a paraphrase from the first one)

  • Coherence and Cohesion: 5

presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression (due to the underdeveloped second body paragraph)
makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices (the author used “as a result”, “thus”, “consequently” too many times)
may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate

  • Lexical Resource: 5

uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task (the author failed to use appropriate words such as “necessity goods”, or “living standard”)
may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader (close closing off)

  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

uses only a limited range of structures (inability to effectively use phrasal nouns)
attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader (the lack of commas makes it hard to read the essay)

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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.

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23 Comments
Solar

I found your article to be very informative. Thank you for sharing. https://brauer-es.com

Bryan Graves

The store may attract many customers, but it can hurt the local business. It is thought that the closing of small business and the https://basketballstarsgame.io eventual destruction of the community will result from this.

Lester Allison

The building of megamarts is increasingly eliminating economic opportunities for residents. Supermarkets provide discounts and special deals to entice customers, and it has been found that customers prefer to shop at supermarkets rather than smaller stores.

Anonymous

Required to the swift growth and expansion of supermarket in certain countries many small local business are at a loss to participate. Some people imagine that the shutdown of local business will have present about the end of local communities

Falko Dieter

I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.

Nikka Haris

I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.

Nitika Raheja

I agree with the statement that supermarkets must have expanded and developing but unfortunately it is proportionally affecting the local and small businesses to shut their business. The small hawkers, shopkeepers, peddlers are the most affected local communities by the development of the supermarkets.
The pace of today’s era is rapidly moving to the advancement and the expansion of businesses are also developing with the number of supermarkets available everywhere. It is bringing the ease in our lifestyle by providing the items that comes in use in our day-to-day life. Supermarkets have variety of options available from vegetables to fruits, utensils, snacks, groceries, and it has expanded to the level that some of the supermarkets also have cloths & footwear section in it.
The construction of mega marts is gradually bringing the vanishment of the business for the locals. The supermarkets give discounts and offers to lure the consumers and it also has observed that the consumers opt for the supermarkets rather than buying it from the locals.
For example, I usually visit one of the supermarkets near to me. One day I received a text, explaining, there is an offer available in the supermarket of buy one get two free. I found the offer impressive, and I immediately visit the nearby supermarket. After reaching, I start exploring the other items along with the item I purposely came for. After a while, I realized even the product that was not supposed to be in my cart, I am buying all those products. I must say this happens with every individual who visit the supermarkets thinking of purchasing from the checklist but end up buying the few more items out of the checklist.
To conclusion, supporting small business is also mandatory along with the shopping from supermarkets. Most of the factories are dependent on the small business for their businesses too. Bringing the stability between the local sellers and supermarkets, they both can grow simultaneously and the fear among the local communities of closure of their businesses can be removed.

Anonymous

In few countries, the continual enlargement of supermarkets has become a threat to local businesses because small businesses are not able to stay in rat race. Few people assert that the termination of local business will lead local communities towards the edge of extinction. In agree with the above point because the expensive supermarkets are meant for affluent people.

In local communities, people chose minor businesses to support their livelihood and they primary option to shop  because they sell items at much lower prices as compared to the bigger super market stores who charge extremely higher. If most people would start purchasing from super markets only then local people will die of hunger due to lack of customers. Moreover, due to lack of courage, motivation and capital, poor or middle class people will be left with no option to start their own business but do jobs for big enterprises. It will not only lead to the monopoly of big business giants but also vanish the local communities along with the local businesses.

The supermarkets attracts people to shop with them by offering various offers that people do not get on small shops, for example, reliance super stores attracts people by providing few things at a price lower than MRP;
consequently, customers prefers to go to supermarkets over regional shops which ultimately force shopkeepers to shut their shops permanently. It would increase the income disparity and which is not a good thing for any nation stability and economy, for instance, when poor becomes poorer and wealthy becomes wealthier, it results in lower GDP. It is undeniable that the lack of income sources in small communities will lead to their extinction.

To recapitulate, expansion of numerous of Supermarkets in metro cities is acceptable but in local or regional areas it would cause harm and hassle for common people. Authorities should come up with some welfare scheme for common people and limit the number of supermarkets in smaller areas.

ayushi raghav

The exponential growth that supermarkets have shown in some places because of the development of that country, has led to the death of some local businesses. As many say this is due to lack of competition between the two, I completely agree.

Firstly, The norm of buying anything and everything from the shopping mart is gaining popularity every day.It has become so convenient and effortless for people to visit the supermarket for their needs that they are nearly forgetting about the local shops that exist in their street or locality. This trend is definitely killing the small-scale shops that local people run.

Secondly, Due to this rapid and sudden expansion of the large-scale businesses our generation is slowly switching towards them not only for clothes, groceries, toiletries but also for food like shakes, smoothies and sandwiches.

However, small businesses which rely on just one income and work hard are failing miserably. They are unable to compete with the amount of money the supermarket have invested in, the amount of area that they have, the no.of staff that is working for them, the modern equipment they use and the immense amount of products they sell.
The gap between the two is increasing day by day and it is becoming almost impossible to fill.

To conclude I believe there is nothing wrong with this slow-paced shift that is taking place. In fact, It is quite a trouble free to shop like this and we can hardly do anything anymore to save the local shops.

g3

Super markets are a great solution when it comes to  shopping everything in a single place . While this may seem as a great advantage for localites , the local bussiness community gravely suffers because of this .I personally belive that supermarkets can bring down economy of small vendors for the following reasons.

Firstly , with the increase in number of people purchasing from the supermarkets can impact local vendors financially. For instance ,previously the stores were utilitily specific . When a person has to buy vegetables ,he/she would go for a vegetable shop and for electronics there will be an electonirc store . With supermarkets in picture , there is no need for people to go to those individual stores . Hence ,impacting the bussiness for local market .

Secondly , multiple supermarkets in a single location causes in single location causes traffic congestion . Because , often the praking spaces will get filled forcing the consumers to park in front of local shops which blocks their way .

Moreover, to compete with the supermarket , the local bussinessmen had to lower the price range which is pushing them towards losses .

Because of these reasons , I feel that state governament should impose regulations on number of supermarkets in a single location . Also it would be better if the supplies from for the supermarkets are brought from the local stores so that it will be a win win situation for both parties .

To conclude , I strongly agree that rapid expansion of the supermarkets can be detremental to local econamy if there are no right restrictions applied to them.

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