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Homeschooling

Homeschooling

4.0
(14 votes)

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.

Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Original Essay:

 

There is one view that suggests that children should be taught at home for their better development, while there is another view that suggests that it is essential for them to attend school. There are benefits attached to both views. Youngsters who go to school often develop better social skills, and they get better prepared for future jobs. On the contrary, children who are taught at home receive better attention.

 

Children who study in school tend to develop good social skills. A child studying in school interacts with different children. The young one learns to share things and how to work together. Furthermore, apart from the classmates, the child also gets the opportunity to interact with various people, such as teachers, workers, janitors and supporting staff of the school. This means the child learns how to meet and behave with other people, too.

 

In addition to the above, schools also prepare youngsters for future. School’s rules and regulations, such as dress code and timings, somewhat resemble with the code of conduct of jobs. Hence, the youngsters attending the school know well about the acceptable behavior in offices. Furthermore, they also learn to how to live without parents which will help them in future when they will leave their parents’ house to live in college’ dormitories.

 

Those children who are taught at home benefit from getting a proper attention from the teacher. These children easily understand whatever they are taught, hence, their understanding and learning skills develop better than those who attend school.

 

Though there are some advantages in teaching children at home, but the advantages of sending children to school exceeds than teaching children at home. Thus, I am of the view that it is important to send the children to school because they will develop such skills which are necessary to survive in today’s world.

 

 

(Written by Charles Harris)

 

Corrected essay:

 

 

There is One view that suggests that children should be taught at home for their better development, while there is another view that suggests claims that it is essential for them to attend school. There are benefits attached to both views. Youngsters who go going to school often develop better social skills and life skills, and they get better prepared for future jobs. On the contrary, children these contrast to those who are taught at home receive receiving better attention.

 

  • Some phrases like “there is”, “suggest”, and “on the contrary, children” are omitted as those are too bulky and sounds repetitive.

  • This phrase: There are benefits attached to both views has been deleted, as too generic.

  • It is always good to include your opinion towards both issues in this opening paragraph.

 

 

Children who study studying in school tend to develop good social skills as A child studying in school they could interacts with their peers different children. The young one learns to share things values and how to work together. Furthermore, Apart from the classmates, the child they also gets the opportunity to interact with various people, such as teachers, workers, janitors and supporting staff of the school. This means,meaning that the child learns how to meet and behave with other people, too.those who are older than them

 

  • The phrases: workers, janitors, have been omitted as those meanings are too close with supporting staff of the school.

  • Instead of using “things” showing your weak point in Lexical Resources here, you’d better use values.

  • I have changed other people into those who are older than them as the former phrases contain redundant information.  


 

 

In addition to the above, Schools also prepare youngsters for future. School’s rules and regulations, such as dress code and timings, somewhat resemble with the code of conduct of jobs. Hence, the youngsters attending the school know well about the acceptable behavior in offices. Furthermore, they also Again,learn learning to how to live without parents which will helps them about responsibility. they will practice being independent in future when they will leave their parents’ house to live in college’ dormitories.

 

  • In addition to the above and also cannot be put in the same sentence as those have the same meaning.  To avoid being repetitive, you need to omit one of them.

 

 

Those children who are taught at home benefit from getting a proper attention from the teacher. These children easily understand whatever they are taught, hence, their understanding and learning skills develop better than those who attend school. Not only these, home teaching brings a major benefit to children needing individual attention and encouragement.  If one child needs extra helps with math, then the private teacher could set schedule for such subjects and time allotted to teach this kid. This will reduce the pressure by a child suffering from math’s difficulties, and therefore would enjoy the lesson at home.

 

  • The fourth paragraph is lacks of supporting details. Asking journalistic questions:  the 5 W's and H will help you assess most situations, whether you are creating claim, evidence, and/ or explanation as to support your topic sentence in this paragraph.

  • The first and second sentences beat around the bush. No overall progression is seen in this paragraph.

 

In conclusion, Though there are some advantages in teaching children at home, but the advantages of sending children to school exceeds than those of teaching children at home. Thus, I am of the view that it is important to I agree that send sending the children to school because they will help them develop such the aforementioned skills which are necessary to survive in today’s world.

 

  • You need to use a concluding signal, such as in conclusion, to sum up and any other expressions to show that you are about to end your essay.  

  • Which are necessary has been omitted as this only repeats on the previous phrase: important

 


 

(Words: 325)


 

Overall: 6.5

Task Response: 6

addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others

presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive

presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/ unclear (paragraph 4 is not well-developed)

 

Coherence and Cohesion: 6

×  arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression (no writer’s opinion towards the intro and body paragraphs)

uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical

may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

uses paragraphing, but not always logically (lack of good supporting evidence for the argument)

 

Lexical Resource: 6

uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy

makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

 

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

uses a variety of complex structures

has produces frequent error-free sentences

has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors

 

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This essay is corrected by Eddy Suaib - IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris

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23 Comments
Solar

I found your article to be very informative. Thank you for sharing. https://brauer-es.com

Bryan Graves

The store may attract many customers, but it can hurt the local business. It is thought that the closing of small business and the https://basketballstarsgame.io eventual destruction of the community will result from this.

Lester Allison

The building of megamarts is increasingly eliminating economic opportunities for residents. Supermarkets provide discounts and special deals to entice customers, and it has been found that customers prefer to shop at supermarkets rather than smaller stores.

Anonymous

Required to the swift growth and expansion of supermarket in certain countries many small local business are at a loss to participate. Some people imagine that the shutdown of local business will have present about the end of local communities

Falko Dieter

I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.

Nikka Haris

I think the business should not be closed, it should be further developedand find new clients. I recently began to use presentations for business development https://slidepeak.com/google-slides-presentation-design, they helped me and influenced my client turnover, which increased a lot. And the business began to bring even more income.

Nitika Raheja

I agree with the statement that supermarkets must have expanded and developing but unfortunately it is proportionally affecting the local and small businesses to shut their business. The small hawkers, shopkeepers, peddlers are the most affected local communities by the development of the supermarkets.
The pace of today’s era is rapidly moving to the advancement and the expansion of businesses are also developing with the number of supermarkets available everywhere. It is bringing the ease in our lifestyle by providing the items that comes in use in our day-to-day life. Supermarkets have variety of options available from vegetables to fruits, utensils, snacks, groceries, and it has expanded to the level that some of the supermarkets also have cloths & footwear section in it.
The construction of mega marts is gradually bringing the vanishment of the business for the locals. The supermarkets give discounts and offers to lure the consumers and it also has observed that the consumers opt for the supermarkets rather than buying it from the locals.
For example, I usually visit one of the supermarkets near to me. One day I received a text, explaining, there is an offer available in the supermarket of buy one get two free. I found the offer impressive, and I immediately visit the nearby supermarket. After reaching, I start exploring the other items along with the item I purposely came for. After a while, I realized even the product that was not supposed to be in my cart, I am buying all those products. I must say this happens with every individual who visit the supermarkets thinking of purchasing from the checklist but end up buying the few more items out of the checklist.
To conclusion, supporting small business is also mandatory along with the shopping from supermarkets. Most of the factories are dependent on the small business for their businesses too. Bringing the stability between the local sellers and supermarkets, they both can grow simultaneously and the fear among the local communities of closure of their businesses can be removed.

Anonymous

In few countries, the continual enlargement of supermarkets has become a threat to local businesses because small businesses are not able to stay in rat race. Few people assert that the termination of local business will lead local communities towards the edge of extinction. In agree with the above point because the expensive supermarkets are meant for affluent people.

In local communities, people chose minor businesses to support their livelihood and they primary option to shop  because they sell items at much lower prices as compared to the bigger super market stores who charge extremely higher. If most people would start purchasing from super markets only then local people will die of hunger due to lack of customers. Moreover, due to lack of courage, motivation and capital, poor or middle class people will be left with no option to start their own business but do jobs for big enterprises. It will not only lead to the monopoly of big business giants but also vanish the local communities along with the local businesses.

The supermarkets attracts people to shop with them by offering various offers that people do not get on small shops, for example, reliance super stores attracts people by providing few things at a price lower than MRP;
consequently, customers prefers to go to supermarkets over regional shops which ultimately force shopkeepers to shut their shops permanently. It would increase the income disparity and which is not a good thing for any nation stability and economy, for instance, when poor becomes poorer and wealthy becomes wealthier, it results in lower GDP. It is undeniable that the lack of income sources in small communities will lead to their extinction.

To recapitulate, expansion of numerous of Supermarkets in metro cities is acceptable but in local or regional areas it would cause harm and hassle for common people. Authorities should come up with some welfare scheme for common people and limit the number of supermarkets in smaller areas.

ayushi raghav

The exponential growth that supermarkets have shown in some places because of the development of that country, has led to the death of some local businesses. As many say this is due to lack of competition between the two, I completely agree.

Firstly, The norm of buying anything and everything from the shopping mart is gaining popularity every day.It has become so convenient and effortless for people to visit the supermarket for their needs that they are nearly forgetting about the local shops that exist in their street or locality. This trend is definitely killing the small-scale shops that local people run.

Secondly, Due to this rapid and sudden expansion of the large-scale businesses our generation is slowly switching towards them not only for clothes, groceries, toiletries but also for food like shakes, smoothies and sandwiches.

However, small businesses which rely on just one income and work hard are failing miserably. They are unable to compete with the amount of money the supermarket have invested in, the amount of area that they have, the no.of staff that is working for them, the modern equipment they use and the immense amount of products they sell.
The gap between the two is increasing day by day and it is becoming almost impossible to fill.

To conclude I believe there is nothing wrong with this slow-paced shift that is taking place. In fact, It is quite a trouble free to shop like this and we can hardly do anything anymore to save the local shops.

g3

Super markets are a great solution when it comes to  shopping everything in a single place . While this may seem as a great advantage for localites , the local bussiness community gravely suffers because of this .I personally belive that supermarkets can bring down economy of small vendors for the following reasons.

Firstly , with the increase in number of people purchasing from the supermarkets can impact local vendors financially. For instance ,previously the stores were utilitily specific . When a person has to buy vegetables ,he/she would go for a vegetable shop and for electronics there will be an electonirc store . With supermarkets in picture , there is no need for people to go to those individual stores . Hence ,impacting the bussiness for local market .

Secondly , multiple supermarkets in a single location causes in single location causes traffic congestion . Because , often the praking spaces will get filled forcing the consumers to park in front of local shops which blocks their way .

Moreover, to compete with the supermarket , the local bussinessmen had to lower the price range which is pushing them towards losses .

Because of these reasons , I feel that state governament should impose regulations on number of supermarkets in a single location . Also it would be better if the supplies from for the supermarkets are brought from the local stores so that it will be a win win situation for both parties .

To conclude , I strongly agree that rapid expansion of the supermarkets can be detremental to local econamy if there are no right restrictions applied to them.

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