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Problem of people living in big cities

Problem of people living in big cities

5.0
(1 votes)

77,380

01/23/2018

Topic: People living in big cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller town?

Nowadays, the majority of world population is living in urban areas. While many people associate city life with prosperity, urban dwellers actually have to experience various difficulties, including crime and environmental pollution. From my perspective, governments should use counter-urbanization as a measure to ease the aforementioned problems.

One of the common issues with living in a city is crime. For a violent crime to occur, there must be a culprit and a victim. In a highly populated area, the risk of encountering a mob is much higher than that of a small town. Additionally, if the culprit feels protected by the anonymity that a large city provides, he may commit more wrongdoings. Furthermore, air pollution is also a prevalent issue in major cities. Surface transportation is the main source of greenhouse gas emissions, which cause respiratory problems to the people. This problem is exacerbated by the sheer number of vehicles commuting daily in the city.

In my opinion, to tackle both the issues above, governments should promote the migration from urban areas to rural ones. As the population density of a metropolitan area is reduced, so do crimes and air pollution. However, city dwellers have their reasons to stay in urban places, such as to enjoy education and job opportunities. This is why governments need to step in because only they can introduce rural development policies. If countryside areas have better infrastructures, people will find less incentive to live in big cities.

In conclusion, crime and air pollution are two of the various problems of urban life. I believe that urban-to-rural migration, promoted by governments, is an appropriate solution for those issues.

(273 words)

(This model essay is written by Anh Tran - an administrator of Let’s Write Something.)

 

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Topic: People living in big cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller town?

 

This is a two-part question essay, formed by mixing a cause-solution essay and an opinion essay. Such a question type may appear frequently in the future.
 

Sample essay band 6.0:

 

Despite a facilitated lifestyle, the urban populas seems to deal with certain difficulties. This essay will discuss those associateted isseues, and whether or not the governments should promote smaller towns as an alternative for major cities.

Although, the people living in populated areas are able to avail lucrative oppurtunities in fields of education, employment and enterntainment somehow, there are some issues to be dealth with. First of all, the most nototrious is; traffic congestion, as the number of vehicles on roads is increasing, and there is no solution to it yet. Causing air and noise polution, the greatest drivers in manipulating human's mental and physical health. Another worth mentioning worry is, unemployment. As more and more people are leaving their hometowns in search of jobs; the city populas is swelling up day by day.   

As far as the government role is concerned, it seems that it could help lessen the problems faced by urban habitants. To illustrate, the authorities should start housing schemes in smaller towns to divert public attention towards smaller towns. Also, providing health and job facilities within one's hometown could persuade people to stay there more. In addition, factories and hospital buildings ahould be moved into remote areas to support rural living.

To conclude, infact people do fantasize about living in larger cities; to dwell among advanced living standards, but when after moving in they have to encounter certain problems. To tackle the situation, government should step in, and design solid schemes to stop urban crawl. It should initiate plans to ease urban inhabitants and inspire them to move into smaller settlements.

(Written by Nadia Syed)


Corrected Essay
 

Despite a facilitated comfortable lifestyle, the urban populas populace seems to deal with certain difficulties. This essay will discuss those associateted associated isseues issues, and whether or not the governments should promote smaller towns as an alternative for to major cities for citizens.

  • Facilitated” isn’t usually used as an adjective, especially when going with “lifestyle”. The correct collocation here is “comfortable lifestyle”.

  • There are many typographic errors in this essay, such as “associateted”. Generally, in the IELTS exam, one-time mistakes are considered as “slips”, and they will not hamper your final score too much (unless they occur very frequently).

  • However, repeated errors like “populas” are treated differently. There is no English word like that, only “popuplation”, or “populace”, with the former being much more prevalent. It looks the author is trying too hard to paraphrase the keyword “population”, without any success.

  • The phrase “the governments should promote smaller towns as an alternative for major cities” is ambiguous. It is not clear who should use smaller towns instead of using major cities (“citizens”).


Although, the people living in populated areas are able to avail lucrative great oppurtunities opportunities in fields terms of education, employment and enterntainment entertainment somehow, there are some issues to be dealth dealt with. First of all, the most nototrious notorious one is; traffic congestion, as the number of vehicles on roads is increasing, and there is no solution to it yet. Causing air and noise polution pollution, it is the greatest drivers a major factor in manipulating undermining human's mental and physical health. Another worth mentioning worry is, unemployment. As more and more people are leaving their hometowns in search of jobs; the city populas population is swelling increasing up day by day.

  • Don’t use a comma right ater a “to be”, or a subordinating conjunction (like “although”). Usually, a comma is used to separated two clauses.

  • Lucrative” does not go along with “opportunity”.

  • The correct word choice here is “in terms of”, not “in fields of”, as shown in Google Ngram.

  • Swelling” means “become bigger in size”, not “an increase in terms of number or amount”. A population isn’t something like a cake, it doesn’t have a definite size.

  • The author has provided two issue of urban life: traffic and unemployment. Each idea is also supported by a following sentence.

 

As far long as the government role is concerned, it seems that it could help lessen the problems faced by urban habitants dwellers. To illustrate, the authorities should start housing schemes in smaller towns to divert public attention towards smaller towns. Also, providing health and job facilities within one's hometown could persuade people to stay there more. In addition to this, factories and hospital buildings ahould should be moved into remote areas to support rural living lives.

  • As far as” means “for as great a distance as”. The correct word choice is “as long as”.

  • “Habitant”, or “inhabitant” do not go with “urban”. Most of the time, “urban dweller” is the correct choice, as shown in Ngram. If you are not sure which is the correct term, then even an elementary choice like “city people” is fine. Making mistakes is much, much worse that using a non-advanced word.


To conclude, infact in fact people do fantasize about living in larger cities; to dwell among advanced living standards, but when after after when moving in, they have to encounter certain problems. To tackle the situation, government governments should step in, and design solid propose schemes to stop urban crawl urban growth. It should initiate implement plans to ease urban inhabitants dwellers, and inspire them to move into smaller settlements.

  • This conclusion is consistent with the ideas in two Body Paragraphs. This means a decent score in terms of Coherence.

  • When talking about “scheme” as in “policy’, then the correct collocation is not “to design a scheme”, but rather “to propose a scheme”. And this word does not go along with “solid”.

 

Words: 265.

 

Overall: 6.0

  • Task Response: 7

    • addresses all parts of the task (the author has written more than 250 words, and answered all the topic questions)

    • presents a clear position throughout the response (the conclusion is clear and on-point)

    • presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

  • Coherence and Cohesion: 7

    • logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout

    • uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use (“despite”, “although”, “first of all”, “another”, “to illustrate”, “also”)

    • presents a clear central topic within each paragraph (the author developed each paragraph with a topic sentence and some branching sentences)

  • Lexical Resource: 5

    • uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task

    • may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader (various spelling errors leads to a 5 here)

  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

    • uses only a limited range of structures attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences

    • may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader (there are many punctuation errors)

 

(This essay correction is done by Anh Tran - an administrator of Let’s Write Something.)

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