Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
WRITING TASK 2
Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample answer
mart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption .Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look.I believe,good looking appearance of workers is important,nevertheless,quality of work also plays a crucial role.
Now a days, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance,work from home.In such situations,candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example,where the customers,co-workers and companies don't even see their employees,they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them at such conditions people are not judged on their outward look,which most people are contradicting.
On the other hand,some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly.To exemplify,regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work.Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding.Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place,by doing so,companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day. Moreover,exquisite outlook when meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.
To conclude,depending up on the categories people are working they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.
(Written by madhusudhan)
Corrected essay
Smart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption There are ongoing arguments whether an employee should be required to have a good dressing sense. Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look. I believe, good looking appearance of workers is important, nevertheless, quality of work also plays a crucial role.
First, there is no collocation like “controversy assumption”. Second, using ubiquitous buzzwords like “controversy” may make the IELTS examiner think that you just memorize a sample introduction. And we all know how much IELTS examiners hate a candidate who memorizes answers.
The second sentence sounds unclear and ungrammatical. If you have trouble while writing a complex sentence, first try to write two simple sentences.
A clear opinion has been stated: the author partly agrees with both sides of the argument (because of the word “also”)
Now a days Nowadays, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which technological advancement is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance, work from home work-at-home has been more popular than in the past. In such situations, candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear work efficiency of the employees will increase considerably. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example, where the customers, co-workers and companies don't even see their employees, they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them. At In such conditions, people are not judged on by their outward look appearances, which most people are contradicting.
After starting a sentence with “for instance”, you have to follow with a full clause, with subject-verb-object presented.
Pay attention to the difference between synonyms. “To be considered” is different from “to be recognized”, or “to be noticeable”. The same as “candidate” versus “employee”.
On the other hand, some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof. at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly appear attractive. To exemplify, regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work. Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding create an appealing working environment. Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place, by doing so, companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day boost working motivation. Moreover, exquisite outlook a professional appearance when you are meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.
Many sentences appears ambiguous. It’s hard to understand what you are trying to convey.
The second sentence in this part is unnecessary and it creates confusion.
Relative pronouns like “which” should not be put at the beginning of a sentence.
Try to use collocation. You have to learn which nouns can follow after a certain adjective. Putting a noun next to an adjective does not create a natural and grammatical phrasal noun.
To conclude, depending up on the categories people are working, they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves, and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.
The conclusion here is not consistent with the introduction, since the author just says that he is more on the side of “work quality” (because of the phrase “more than anything”). It is also inconsistent with the two body paragraphs, since the argument of “good appearance” (the second body paragraph) is also more well-presented. Inconsistent viewpoint will lower your score in both of Task Response and Coherent & Cohesion criteria.
Don’t forget to put a comma after a sentence clause, or in front of the word “and”.
Words: 259
Overall: 5.0
Task Response: 5
✓ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (the author has written more than 250 words, but he did not express his view in any of the two body paragraphs)
✓ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn (the conclusion is inconsistent with the rest of the essay)
✓ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the first example in the second body paragraph is confusing)
Coherence and Cohesion: 5
✓ presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression
✓ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices
✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
✗ may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing (the author knows how to paragraphing, but that’s not enough to get a 6 in CC, due to various aforementioned faults)
Lexical Resource: 5
✓ uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
✓ may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
✓ uses only a limited range of structures
✓ attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences (the author usually fails at producing a free-error complex or compound sentence)
✓ may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
If you want to practice more about writing Task 2, you can join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/351029818650829/
Comments:
Could help me review the next Task 1 essay, please?
The given chart illustrates the information on changes in millions of individuals who went for travel around the world in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005.
In general, the total number of people traveled to all areas increased during the given period of time. As observed, Europe was the main destination for travelers while Middle East remained the opposite.
At first, in 1990, 448,9 million people traveled in total followed by gradual increase during the next periods. Finally, the figures reached to 693.7 million in 2005.
As for the certain areas, Europe attracted most of the individuals starting with 280.2 million in 1990 and ending up with 400.2 million in 2005. In contrast, there was the lowest number of people visited to Middle East and Africa. In the first year (1990), number of travelers was 9.8 million and 18.2, respectively. The overall trend for Middle East and Africa did not change, so, afterwards, in the final year (2005), only 15.8 million people visited to Middle East and 28.7 million to Africa. Notably, in 1990, America accounted 80.5 million and Asia and the pacific 60.2 million people, but, in 2005, Asia and the pacific welcomed more visitors (135.8 million) than America (113.2 million).
In recent times, the shortage of workforce, particularly a layer of manual workers, is getting serious. So, many government across the globe have been stepping up their efforts for supports to cultivate a great number of blue-collar workers through vocational training on the auspices of the state. Some people say that this is essential to solve the labor issue, whereas the other sides insist that it is a just short-term and makeshift demarche. Regarding this issue, I totally disagree of encouraging the vocational training due to possible spill-over effects to come such as a need of another social cost.
First and foremost, the concept of vocational education is nothing but the government’s makeshift in an apparent bid to supply the workers into the labor market, not least of what it called the manual work market. Some group of people argue that in order to resolve the issue on a lack of manpower and maintain the our socio-economic soundness. However, I believe that in line with the steady decline in global population, the labor force shortage in the blue collar is likely to accelerate despite the state-funded vocational programmes. Accordingly, we should find alternative ways like automation system development through more advanced tertiary educations, which can help us to approach to the cause of the problem and solve them in a long-termly wise manner.
Second, as an aftermath of vocational training, additional social outlays will incur such as subsidies for possible redundancy in the future. As seen in recent layoff bouts among the global big tech companies, the people who get AI-related education in the so-called bootcamp has began to sack, as soon as covid19 pandemic. In fact they are being considered as modern type of manual workers likewise electricians and plumbers. Consequently, short-sight measures to cope with labor force issue can bring a lot more massive social costs, in order to address the issue stemming from unemployment, depression and something like that.
In conclusion, rather than encouraging vocational training, which seems to be a just government’s plan to foster and harvest a working class that is most likely to be replaced if new advanced technologies or automation services would come out, more advanced and qualified tertiary educations should be encouraged for the long haul.
This is a table describing the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005 (in millions).
2005 had the highest number of international travelers compared to the other years.
Also, Europe had the highest number of travelers compared to the other locations.
America witnessed a significant rise in international travels in the year 1995 but Europe had the highest rise.
In general, both Africa and the middle east had a steady rise in international travels with no significant changes.
America saw a decline in international travels in the year 2005 compared to the year 2000.
The highest rise in international travels happened in the year 1995 because in 1990, the total travels were 448.9 million compared to 615.2 million in 1995. The other years 2000 and 2005 both had 669.2 million and 693.7 million international travels respectively which does not indicate a higher leap than between 1990 and 1995.
The table down below illustrates the different changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005. (million).
It is clearly shown that the most popular place to travel was Europe. It start with the proportion of travelers in amount of 280.2 million in 1990. In 1995 popularity was dramatically raised and then raised gradually. The proportion of 40.2 million had been reached in 2005.
The second, but not least place to travel was America with 80,5 million visitors in 1990. The number of travelers increased the highest point in 2000, but then decreased with 113.2 millions in 2005. As for the Asia and the pacific, we can notice a significant rise of visitors from 60.2 to 135.8 millions throughout the period.
Over a period of 15 years, the index of Africa rose very gradually without any jumps from 18,2 to 28,7 million people. Regarding with the most unpopular place to go to travel table shows us Middle East. Similarly to Africa amount of traveller was unsignificant. With 9.8 mil at the beginning, rose to 15,8 mil in the end of all period.
In conclusion, we can undoubtedly say that the the large and considerable input were by Europe and America.
The given chart here represent the data of people in millions who went for abroad travel in the years 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005.
Europe, with 280.2 million travellers in 1990 and 400.2 million travellers in 2005, has been the most famous regions travelled by people around the globe. And opposite to that, Middle East, with 9.8 million travellers in 1990 and 15.8 million travellers in 2005, turned out to be the less travalled region in all these years.
There has been a constant increase in international travel in all these years. Notably, Africa went from 18.2 million travellers in 1990 to 28.7 million travellers in 2005. The statistics of America & Asia and the pacific have also turned out to be good with the start of America at 80.5 million travellers and Asia and pacific at 60.2 million travellers in 1990. This went good for Asia and the pacific with 135.8 million travellers in 2005 but America on the other hand saw a decline of 5 million travellers from the previous year with 113.2 million travellers in 2005.
People choose their future careers based on their interests or job opportunities in society. Governments and middle-level companies persuade and encourage blue workers to take vocational training courses in the colleges or private sectors. This is a cost-benefit policy for both governments and private companies as they not only would fill up trained and experienced worker shortages in society but also will spend lower costs to update those workers with new technologies and types of machinery. However, governments should create more job opportunities in society as most blue-collar workers are interested in taking these training courses to be hired for technical positions. on the other hand, some individuals prefer to follow their academic careers to be involved in research and theoretical fields that are long-term processes and cost lots of money to graduate. these graduates are hired in high-position sectors and can't assist society in filling up its needs for electricians, plumbers, etc. I believe that there is a need for these two educational methods to be continued to fill up worker shortages in both lower and higher positions in society.
This table describes the total number of international travelers from 1990 to 2005. According to the indication in the first line of the table, there was a total number of 448 M international travelers in 1990 it sharply increased to 615 M travelers in 1995. However, there was a gradual increase in travelers from 1995 to 2005. The other lines of the table show splits of travelers to different regions and continents. Europe was the first destination for travelers from 1990 to 2005. There was a total number of 280 M travelers to Europe in 1990 it sharply increased to 390 M in 1995. However, there was a gradual increase in travelers to Europe from 1995 to 2005. America, Asia, and the Pacific were the second and third most popular destinations for international travelers from 1990 to 2005. However, the table indicates that travelers were not interested in visiting the Middle East and Africa, and there was a lower increase in international travelers to these two regions from 1990 to 2005.
People choose their future careers based on their interests or job opportunities in society. Governments as well as some middle-level companies persuade and encourage blue-collar workers to update themselves by taking vocational training courses in private or public colleges and sectors. This policy is a cost-benefit for governments and business sectors and is transferable globally. As a result, there is a gradual decrease in several people who want to continue their educational careers in colleges as they see a good job opportunity in taking short-term practical courses to be able to support themselves financially.
On the other side, some people are interested in universities to be involved in research and professional fields that are costly and need a long process to graduate from universities. I believe that governments could be able to fill up updated working shortages in society, but in the long term, there would be an over-increased number of university graduates unemployment percentage as both government and middle-level sectors prefer to hire vocational training individuals with lower salaries than hiring university graduates who are not only overqualified for their needed positions, but also they supposed to pay higher salaries for them. I recommend that governments should create more job opportunities in society to overcome with job problems of new graduates from both universities and vocational training centres.
the table illustrates the million international travellers around the globe and flactuations in four years period.
overall, the travellers reached in Europe in the year of 2005 was the highest number. people moving from their destination to international in four time period mostly going to Europe, and European countries, in the 2005 number of people reached Europe was 400.2.
overall the fewerest number of travells was those are going to middle east and Africa contenant, whilest America, Asia and Pacific was flactuating decreasing and increasing their numbers
the table illustrates the million international travellers around the globe and flactuations in four years period.
overall, the travellers reached in Europe in the year of 2005 was the highest number. people moving from their destination to international in four time period mostly going to Europe, and European countries, in the 2005 number of people reached Europe was 400.2.
overall the fewerest number of travells was those are going to middle east and Africa contenant, whilest America, Asia and Pacific was flactuating decreasing and increasing their numbers
The table illustrates difference in the amount of people goin for the international travel in different years counting 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005.
In 1990, the total of 448.9 million people went for international travel. People leaving in European countries did the most of the travel and the amount is calculated to be 280.2 million. During the same year Middle East had the less number of people travelling globaly. If we talk about the years 1995 and 2000 so the amount of people went for international travel was 615.2 and 669.2 million respectively. These years showed significant rise of American people in terms of international travelling.
In 2005, 693.7 million people went for international travelling. This year showed great increase of Asian and the people of pacific for international travelling which rose upto 135.8 million most amongst the mentioned years. American people travelling to abroad decreased in the same year. While Africa and Middle East seems to improve slowly in this sector.
Overall, it can be concluded that the travelling abroad for various purposes has been increased as the years passed on with Europe leading amongst many continents and countries.
The table provide information about the number of change in foreign visitors as million in Africa, America, Asia and the pacific, Europe and Middle East in the year 1990,1995,2000 and 2005.
Overall, the traveler was raised in all five countries from 1990 to 2005.The highest million of visitor visited in Europe each year while, in Middle East was least visitor over a fifteen year period.
Among five given countries in table, international people visited in Europe as noticeably higher were it was around 1463millon over the five year period and America at nearly 434million