Let us try to do thorough analysis of IELTS writing task 1 of a candidate.
Question:
Candidate’s Response:
The below figures illustrate what UK graduates and post graduates did, who did not go into full-time employment after leaving college in 2008.
To begin with, maximum graduates (29,665) who did not go into full-time work opted for further studies. while, some of them (16, 235) were unemployed. A slightly higher than unemployed (17,735) choose to go for part-time work whereas, a small proportion showed interest in voluntary work.
On the other hand, almost same scenario was with postgraduates and majority of them (2725) opted for further study. 2535 number of postgraduates took part-time work whereas 1625 postgraduates were unemployed. A small ratio (345) also showed interest in voluntary work.
To sum up, the maximum students who did not made their career in job went for higher studies. whereas, some choose to go for part time job and a few of them took voluntary work.
Let us try to analyse the above IELTS writing task 1 response as follows:
Para 1
Strength:
The introductory outline of the question is written well with no error.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
The below figures illustrate what UK graduates and post graduates did, who did not go into full-time employment after leaving college in 2008.
Para 2
Strength:
Main key features of the question are highlighted well along with figures.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“studies. while, some” should be “studies, while some”, “choose” should be “chose”, “part-time work whereas, a small proportion” should be “part-time work, whereas a small proportion”
Para 3
Strength:
Sentence connector (on the other hand) is used and the key features are again explained well.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“same scenario was with” can be “same scenario was observed with”
Para 4
Strength:
Sentence connectors (to sum up, whereas) are used and conclusive feature is written.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“who did not made their career” should be “who did not make their career”, “higher studies. whereas, some choose” should be “higher studies, whereas some chose”
Expected Band Score: Band 7
The candidate writes free from errors of grammar, tense and others. However, there are some mistakes in complex structure and other part of grammar.
Comments: