Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
WRITING TASK 2
Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample answer
mart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption .Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look.I believe,good looking appearance of workers is important,nevertheless,quality of work also plays a crucial role.
Now a days, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance,work from home.In such situations,candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example,where the customers,co-workers and companies don't even see their employees,they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them at such conditions people are not judged on their outward look,which most people are contradicting.
On the other hand,some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly.To exemplify,regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work.Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding.Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place,by doing so,companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day. Moreover,exquisite outlook when meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.
To conclude,depending up on the categories people are working they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.
(Written by madhusudhan)
Corrected essay
Smart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption There are ongoing arguments whether an employee should be required to have a good dressing sense. Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look. I believe, good looking appearance of workers is important, nevertheless, quality of work also plays a crucial role.
First, there is no collocation like “controversy assumption”. Second, using ubiquitous buzzwords like “controversy” may make the IELTS examiner think that you just memorize a sample introduction. And we all know how much IELTS examiners hate a candidate who memorizes answers.
The second sentence sounds unclear and ungrammatical. If you have trouble while writing a complex sentence, first try to write two simple sentences.
A clear opinion has been stated: the author partly agrees with both sides of the argument (because of the word “also”)
Now a days Nowadays, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which technological advancement is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance, work from home work-at-home has been more popular than in the past. In such situations, candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear work efficiency of the employees will increase considerably. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example, where the customers, co-workers and companies don't even see their employees, they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them. At In such conditions, people are not judged on by their outward look appearances, which most people are contradicting.
After starting a sentence with “for instance”, you have to follow with a full clause, with subject-verb-object presented.
Pay attention to the difference between synonyms. “To be considered” is different from “to be recognized”, or “to be noticeable”. The same as “candidate” versus “employee”.
On the other hand, some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof. at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly appear attractive. To exemplify, regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work. Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding create an appealing working environment. Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place, by doing so, companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day boost working motivation. Moreover, exquisite outlook a professional appearance when you are meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.
Many sentences appears ambiguous. It’s hard to understand what you are trying to convey.
The second sentence in this part is unnecessary and it creates confusion.
Relative pronouns like “which” should not be put at the beginning of a sentence.
Try to use collocation. You have to learn which nouns can follow after a certain adjective. Putting a noun next to an adjective does not create a natural and grammatical phrasal noun.
To conclude, depending up on the categories people are working, they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves, and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.
The conclusion here is not consistent with the introduction, since the author just says that he is more on the side of “work quality” (because of the phrase “more than anything”). It is also inconsistent with the two body paragraphs, since the argument of “good appearance” (the second body paragraph) is also more well-presented. Inconsistent viewpoint will lower your score in both of Task Response and Coherent & Cohesion criteria.
Don’t forget to put a comma after a sentence clause, or in front of the word “and”.
Words: 259
Overall: 5.0
Task Response: 5
✓ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (the author has written more than 250 words, but he did not express his view in any of the two body paragraphs)
✓ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn (the conclusion is inconsistent with the rest of the essay)
✓ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the first example in the second body paragraph is confusing)
Coherence and Cohesion: 5
✓ presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression
✓ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices
✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
✗ may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing (the author knows how to paragraphing, but that’s not enough to get a 6 in CC, due to various aforementioned faults)
Lexical Resource: 5
✓ uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
✓ may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
✓ uses only a limited range of structures
✓ attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences (the author usually fails at producing a free-error complex or compound sentence)
✓ may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
----------------------------------------------------------
This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
If you want to practice more about writing Task 2, you can join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/351029818650829/
Comments:
The chart below illustrates the amount of money per week spent on fast foods while the graph depicts the trends in consumption of fast foods in Britain from 1970 to 1990.
Overall, there are three income groups and three products where money were spent in the chart.Also,there are three illustrations of how these products (Hamburger,Fish and Chips and Pizza) were consumed from 1970 to 1990.
At first,it is observed that high income in this country came in mostly from Hamburger product (45) while the lowest income came in from Pizza product.
The income on the three groups in chart is almost the same regarding Fish & Chips (high income and low income maintained the same level)
In 1970 to 1980 there was gradual consumption of Hamburger and Fish & Chips products (0-180) while Pizza product had drastic demand from onset till 1975,then decreased gradually till 1980 and maintained flat rate of demand up till 1990.
In 1980,Pizza product experienced skyrocketted move till 1990 while Hamburger had gradual but continuous demand till 1990.
In conclusion, people of Britain consumed more of Hamburger & Fish and Chip products.
Traffic and housing issues have been topics of debate since the establishment and development of urban cities since those have been bustling with people hovering around in the streets in their extravagant cars and thronging at shopping malls, multiplexes and what not. As far as the means of solving the ensuing problems by making large corporations, factories move to the countryside is concerned, I disagree with it because of the following reasons.
Firstly, making large corporations and factories relocate to the countryside along with their employees, would cause a mass exodus of working class people who would be compelled to move so as to make their commuting between their home and workplace hassle-free. Given the gradual concentration of such people in the countryside, they would need the availability of public transport to be much more frequent which would augment population of vehicles which are owned by either the transport authorities or private individuals. Given the ramification that more number of vehicles would be running on the roads of the countryside, it would simply embroil the countryside in the fiasco of traffic congestions that most cities already suffer from.
Secondly, as far as housing problems are concerned, making big companies and production houses move to the countryside would also mean making them take the opportunity of find employment along with them. Though present housing issues remain a problem as it is, such a measure would lead the inhabitants to sell their houses off in the cities to buy properties in the countryside. Now that the prospects of work have shifted to the countryside, though it may lead to bigger spaces and areas for more houses to be built, it would be rarely inhabited by majority of people for whom, the such a measure to make great strides were taken.
Lastly, given the proliferation of newer and newer kinds of jobs and that too, with high pay scales are created as a nation's economy develops, it is quite obvious that the standard of living of its people would develop. Owning what was considered a luxury before has now surpassed the threshold of the term comfort and became a necessity as people became given to feeling more and more entitled because of their demands backed by a higher purchasing power, such demands often result in bidding for and purchasing luxurious apartments and cars which are often viewed as status symbols. These have taken over vast areas areas of city spaces as well as the streets. Even if the destinations of employment are made to move, people would simply do the same thing elsewhere that would result in the same kind of problem.
Thus, I believe making big corporations and factories move would rather abet in the proliferation of the problems rather than mitigating those.
The first diagrams depict the expenditure expended on fast food i.e. hamburger, fish & chips and pizza per week by people belonging to three income groups which are namely, high income, average income and low income. The second diagram shows the graph which expresses the quantity of the above-mentioned fast food intake in grams over the years 1970 to 1990.
To begin with the first diagram, it can be seen that hamburger happens to be the most popular among consumer belonging to the high income group as shown by the amount of money spent over it i.e. 45 pounds per week. The expenditure on hamburger is seconded by the amount spent on pizza, which is close to 20 pounds. However, it is fish & chips on which the consumers of this group has spent the least amount on. As for those belonging to the average income group, they happen to prefer hamburger over other alternatives as well. But however for them, fish & chips appear to be preferable than pizza as they have spent over twice the amount on the former over the latter i.e. 25 pounds and 12 pounds per week. Consumers from the low income group are given to consuming the highest preference for fish and chips as it is evident from the 16 pounds they spend on it each week. Overall, hamburger remains the most preferable fast food while pizza is found to be the least.
As for the intake of the given fast food alternatives expressed in terms of grams, the least amount of money spent per week on pizza is also supported by the declining trend in its intake, which fell from 300 grams in 1970 to 200 grams in 1990. On the contrary the intake of fish & chips has maintained a consistent rise in terms of intake from 100 grams in 1970 and 500 grams in 1990, because of the fact that it remained a viable alternative for the amount of money to be spent on by the average and low income groups. As for hamburgers, though it did follow a rising trend throughout the years under consideration the rate of increase in terms of intake was rather low compared to that of fish & chips, this is characterized by the flatter portion of the graph over the years 1975 to 1985 before becoming steeper from then on and reaching 300 grams in 1990.
thank you for proving us with papers
the given diagram accentuate the quantity of fast food consumption rate and the income of it.Hamburgers between both high and average income show the highest accrue rate and in low income slightly degraded under the chips bar laying it in an above medium area.The lowest in providing high income is fish and chips while being the highest in lower income this information clarifies fish and chips are the lowest gainer with pizza allowing an income balanced throughout the three categories in 1970 pizza was the most consumed and higher than both hamburgers and chips combined this statistic changes by the year 1980 where chips and pizza meet each other forming a cross point between 1980 and 1990 chips cause the most noticeable increase rising to reach 500 grams
the graph illustrates trends in music buying habits between 2011 and 2018.
Dear Students, we do a complete assessment and feedback on your writing. Do write to us to request a sample of our writing analysis report and commence your journey towards a great score. We are CELTA and DELTA qualified certified teachers. Please email us at conversawriting@gmail.com
We wish you All the best!