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IELTS Writing Task 2 Analysis (Change in Life) – Band 7

IELTS Writing Task 2 Analysis (Change in Life) – Band 7

3.5
(4 votes)
 

Let us analyse the following IELTS writing task 2 that received Band 6.5 in the mock exam.

Question:

Some people do not change their routine and become habitual. However, others think that change is necessary in life.

To what extent do you agree with this view?

Candidate’s Response:

In the society, there are two kinds of people are available with respect to their work. In that, some people wish to do the same things rather than change. But some people always think for change in their work because they believe that the change is always good for their career.

To begin with, the people who won’t want to make any changes in their activities are appearently afraid of their future. Moreover, they scared about the failures and they don’t want to take any risks. In fact, they will never deviate the path, in where they succeeded. They always find the benifits in their routine way. Furthermore, these people trust more on god than their will power. Most probably, these kind of people are more or less negative minded and they suggests some to the others also. They can’t broaden their mind and can’t explore new changes in the current society.

But the people who always want change in their work, are very confident in all aspects. Moreover, they believe in their hardwork and own talent. They always wants to take risks because, they know, if they succeed they will be benifited and if they fail, they will learn from that failures. Even though they too trust god, but after giving their full effort. In fact, these people are more likely to create wonders in this lives. They will become inspiration to the younger generation. In addition to that, these fellows will have more leadership qualities and they can survive in any kind of difficult situations. Furthermore, they are always ready to accept new challenges in their lives because, they know how to tackle with it.

In conclusion, the people who want change in their work, can change the world and neighbouring societies very rapidly in a positive way. While, who don’t want change in their lives, may demotivate the society.

Now, we will analyse the above IELTS writing task 2 response thoroughly as follows:

Introduction:

  Strength:

Paraphrasing required in the question is adequate.

 Corrected Erroneous Statement:

Overuse of “are” in the first statement, “rather than change” should be “rather than changing”, “the change is always” should be “change is always”

Second statement can also be including “career” aspect.

Para 1:

Strength:

Use of sentence connectors (to begin with, furthermore etc.) are there, good use of vocabulary (apparently, negative minded etc.)

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“the people” can be “people”, “won’t” should be “don’t, “their activities” does not clarify which activities, “they scared” should be “they are scared”, “the failures” can simple be “failures”, “the path, in where they succeeded” should be “from the path wherein they succeeded”, “they always find” should be “and where they always find”, “benifits” should be “benefits”, “god” should be “God”, “they suggests some to the others also” is not clear, overuse of “can’t” and contraction word (can’t) should be avoided to write “can not” instead, “current society” should be “present society”, and ideas are more general, not specific and lack examples to support them

 

 

Para 2:

 

Strength:

Use of sentence connectors (moreover, in addition to that etc.) is there, good vocabulary (wonders, inspiration, leadership etc.) is there and ideas are extended well.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“in their work, are very” should be “in their work are”, “own talent” should be simply “talent”, “they always wants should be “they always want”, “because, they know, if they succeed they will be benifited and if they fail, they will learn from that failures” should be “because they know if they succeed, they will be benefited and if they fail, they will learn from those failures”, “Even though they too trust god, but after giving their full effort” should be “Even though they too trust God, but only after giving their full effort”, “this lives” should be “their lives”, “because, they know” should be “because they know”

Ideas are again more general and lack examples.

Conclusion:

Strength:

Usage of sentence connector (in conclusion) is there, conclusion of essay is clear and there’s good word collocation (very rapidly).

 

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

“their work, can change” should be “their work can change”, “While, who don’t want change in their lives, may demotivate the society” should be “While those who do not want change in their lives may demotivate the society”

 

 

Expected Band Score: Band 6.5

On the whole, the candidate has explained his ideas and extended them as well relevantly to the question but they tend to be more general as examples are missing. There are some mistakes related to punctuation, grammar, complex structure, subject-verb agreement and others, but opinion is clear and written well.

 
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5 Comments
Anonymous
HANU

It is considered that in the contemporary era, few masses like to spend their lives doing same things and keep away substitute.But others b!lieve that change is a superior activity. This essay will discuss both views as far as i am concerned i am i favour


To begin,Individual who like to spend their lives doing same things it may disturb their routine life. To explain it ,they do not want to take the risk and keep their life going as it is . Moreover, doing same things impact people growth potential and will limit their learning. As a result,it is impact health as well as make them weak comparatively.


On other hand, masses prefers to have variety in life and cannot follow the same routine they always feel energetic. They always ready to take risk. To illustrate, they have higher probability of growth and learning because of their risk taking capability. They always learn new things. For instance a survey was conducted by the (WHO) World Health Organization in 2016 found around 68% people who prefer to have variety in life they are more healthy and strong than others. Subsequently it is makes people healthy and energetic.


To conclude,Although few people prefer to spend their lives doing same activities and avoiding change . But in my perspective change is always good for us because this is the much modern era, if we can't change ourselves than we can't be up to date person.

Kamal Mustafa

Even the candidate has given his views on both statements and has not given his clear opinion. In that sense he or she deserves 6 maximum...as there is no opinion in either introduction and conclusion...I would rather recommend 5.5

Kamal Mustafa

I dont agree here with the question format...it should be  discuss both views and give your opinion...
In the question there are 2 statements ,not one, so how can I agree or disagree with 2 statements at one time...
please clearify..
Thanks

AMINA ADEWUNMI

I love this group,and like to join. Can I write my own suggested answer?

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