Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Original Essay
An increasing number of vehicles and buildings is overwhelming so some businesses are being encouraged to relocating their offices to somewhere less crowded. Although I tend towards the viewpoint that relocation will solve this contrerversial problem but this solution will cause some inconvenienences and disadvantages for both customers and companies.
On the one hand, relocation can help the urbanisation problem. The shortage of jobs along with young people's need to pursue a career, are the two main reasons of rural depopulaton. Moving businesses from crowded places to rural ones will balance workforces between cities and countrysides, which helps urban areas not being overpopulated from migration. Another benefit of relocation some businesses is traffic congestion. People will tend to use public transportation instead of their private cars for longer destination to save the traveling cost. This also prevents car accidents after a frustrated working day when people are very tired and don not suit for driving.
On the other hand, moving between urban areas and non-urban areas will cause some inconvenienences for people who already live in cities. Changing their workplaces also means young people probably have to change their lifestyles for young people, such as their daily routines. But people with families will have to move to rural areas to live as a family with lower living conditions, which is not easily to give up. Moreover, some businesses like service companies will have some troubles while moving from cities because most of their potential are in big cities. People in urban areas need more service compared to rural ones such as healh care, restaurants, technologies, furnitures.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadavantges of moving businesses between cities and rural areas will outweight the advatages it brings due to previous reasons.
(Written by Lê Hoàng)
Corrected Essay
An increasing number of vehicles and buildings is overwhelming so some businesses are being encouraged to relocating relocate their offices to somewhere less crowded areas. Although I tend towards to the viewpoint that relocation will solve this contrerversial problem but ( a comma ) this solution will cause some inconvenienences and disadvantages for both customers and companies.
Encouraged to is to followed relocate, not relocating.
Controversial is too generic. You need to find another word. I suggest using ‘serious”
You need to put a comma after the dependent clause (see: Although I tend …, this)
Inconvenienences and disadvantages sound too close. Not only this, both are too vague when they are put in the thesis statement.
Your second sentence should be clear as to help readers understand what points will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Let me give you an example:
Although relocation will solve this serious problem, the viable solution cannot undermine some disadvantages such as a different lifestyle, low standard of living, and poor public facilities.
On the one hand, relocation can help tackle the urbanisation problem. The shortage of jobs along with young people's need to pursue a career, are the two main reasons of rural depopulaton The shortage of jobs for young people is the main reason of rural depopulation. Moving businesses from crowded places city centres to rural ones outskirts will balance workforces between cities and countrysides those different places, which (stop here). By doing so, helps overpopulated urban areas not being overpopulated from as a result of massive human expansion can be reduced. Another benefit of relocation some businesses companies is to relieve traffic congestion. People will tend If this initiative works well, the majority of workers will leave their cars at home and tend to use public transportation for money and time efficiencies because of the longer distance from home to office instead of their private cars for longer destination to save the traveling cost. This also prevents car accidents after a frustrated working day when people are very tired and don not suit for driving (stop here). This also prevents employees from car accidents after a frustrated working day.
Change help into Tackle as the latter phrase collocates with problem.
The second sentence contains a minor problem of subject-and-verb agreement
Rural areas is counted as 2 words, so I change it with outskirts. One word is much better than two words.
I use a passive form to emphasize the overpopulated areas
As to avoid being repetitive, then I change businesses into companies
On the other hand, Apart from the merits, moving between urban areas and non-urban areas will cause some inconvenienences difficulties for people who already live in cities city dwellers. Firstly, changing their workplaces also means young people probably have to change their lifestyles for young people, such as their daily routines. But Furthermore, people with families will have to move to rural areas to live as a family with lower living conditions, which is not easily highly likely to give up. Moreover, some businesses like service companies will have some troubles while moving from cities because most of their potentials are in big cities. Lastly, people in urban areas need more service compared to rural ones such as healh health care, restaurants, technologies, and furnitures accomodation.
To link the idea from the previous body paragraph, then I use the phrase “ Apart from the merits”, not to use” On the other hand” as there is no strong comparison between the first and second body paragraphs.
City dwellers is the most appropriate phrase
The second phrase of young people I omit as to show repetition
Some appropriate transitional signals are added to link the ideas among sentences
Furnitures is uncountable noun
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadavantges disadvantages of moving businesses between cities and rural areas will outweight outweigh the advatages advantages it brings due to previous aforementioned reasons
Overall: 5.5
✓ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (due to the unclear thesis statement)
✓ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
✓ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the second body paragraph lost in cohesion)
✓ presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression (due to the underdeveloped second body paragraph)
✓ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices (the author used “but”, in the first sentence)
✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
✓ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication----------------------------------------------------------
Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Original Essay
An increasing number of vehicles and buildings is overwhelming so some businesses are being encouraged to relocating their offices to somewhere less crowded. Although I tend towards the viewpoint that relocation will solve this contrerversial problem but this solution will cause some inconvenienences and disadvantages for both customers and companies.
On the one hand, relocation can help the urbanisation problem. The shortage of jobs along with young people's need to pursue a career, are the two main reasons of rural depopulaton. Moving businesses from crowded places to rural ones will balance workforces between cities and countrysides, which helps urban areas not being overpopulated from migration. Another benefit of relocation some businesses is traffic congestion. People will tend to use public transportation instead of their private cars for longer destination to save the traveling cost. This also prevents car accidents after a frustrated working day when people are very tired and don not suit for driving.
On the other hand, moving between urban areas and non-urban areas will cause some inconvenienences for people who already live in cities. Changing their workplaces also means young people probably have to change their lifestyles for young people, such as their daily routines. But people with families will have to move to rural areas to live as a family with lower living conditions, which is not easily to give up. Moreover, some businesses like service companies will have some troubles while moving from cities because most of their potential are in big cities. People in urban areas need more service compared to rural ones such as healh care, restaurants, technologies, furnitures.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadavantges of moving businesses between cities and rural areas will outweight the advatages it brings due to previous reasons.
(Written by Lê Hoàng)
Corrected Essay
An increasing number of vehicles and buildings is overwhelming so some businesses are being encouraged to relocating relocate their offices to somewhere less crowded areas. Although I tend towards to the viewpoint that relocation will solve this contrerversial problem but ( a comma ) this solution will cause some inconvenienences and disadvantages for both customers and companies.
Encouraged to is to followed relocate, not relocating.
Controversial is too generic. You need to find another word. I suggest using ‘serious”
You need to put a comma after the dependent clause (see: Although I tend …, this)
Inconvenienences and disadvantages sound too close. Not only this, both are too vague when they are put in the thesis statement.
Your second sentence should be clear as to help readers understand what points will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Let me give you an example:
Although relocation will solve this serious problem, the viable solution cannot undermine some disadvantages such as a different lifestyle, low standard of living, and poor public facilities.
On the one hand, relocation can help tackle the urbanisation problem. The shortage of jobs along with young people's need to pursue a career, are the two main reasons of rural depopulaton The shortage of jobs for young people is the main reason of rural depopulation. Moving businesses from crowded places city centres to rural ones outskirts will balance workforces between cities and countrysides those different places, which (stop here). By doing so, helps overpopulated urban areas not being overpopulated from as a result of massive human expansion can be reduced. Another benefit of relocation some businesses companies is to relieve traffic congestion. People will tend If this initiative works well, the majority of workers will leave their cars at home and tend to use public transportation for money and time efficiencies because of the longer distance from home to office instead of their private cars for longer destination to save the traveling cost. This also prevents car accidents after a frustrated working day when people are very tired and don not suit for driving (stop here). This also prevents employees from car accidents after a frustrated working day.
Change help into Tackle as the latter phrase collocates with problem.
The second sentence contains a minor problem of subject-and-verb agreement
Rural areas is counted as 2 words, so I change it with outskirts. One word is much better than two words.
I use a passive form to emphasize the overpopulated areas
As to avoid being repetitive, then I change businesses into companies
On the other hand, Apart from the merits, moving between urban areas and non-urban areas will cause some inconvenienences difficulties for people who already live in cities city dwellers. Firstly, changing their workplaces also means young people probably have to change their lifestyles for young people, such as their daily routines. But Furthermore, people with families will have to move to rural areas to live as a family with lower living conditions, which is not easily highly likely to give up. Moreover, some businesses like service companies will have some troubles while moving from cities because most of their potentials are in big cities. Lastly, people in urban areas need more service compared to rural ones such as healh health care, restaurants, technologies, and furnitures accomodation.
To link the idea from the previous body paragraph, then I use the phrase “ Apart from the merits”, not to use” On the other hand” as there is no strong comparison between the first and second body paragraphs.
City dwellers is the most appropriate phrase
The second phrase of young people I omit as to show repetition
Some appropriate transitional signals are added to link the ideas among sentences
Furnitures is uncountable noun
In conclusion, it seems to me that the disadavantges disadvantages of moving businesses between cities and rural areas will outweight outweigh the advatages advantages it brings due to previous aforementioned reasons
Overall: 5.5
✓ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (due to the unclear thesis statement)
✓ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn
✓ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the second body paragraph lost in cohesion)
✓ presents information with some organization but there may be a lack of overall progression (due to the underdeveloped second body paragraph)
✓ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices (the author used “but”, in the first sentence)
✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
✓ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication----------------------------------------------------------
Comments:
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Job Context
• Program Context: Chemonics International, Inc., a U.S.-based international development consulting firm, is seeking qualified candidates for multiple operations and finance positions for the five-year USAID Ecosystems/Protibesh Activity. The activity aims to build the Government of Bangladesh`s (GOB) capacity to respond to a wide array of threats to biodiversity conservation in collaboration with civil society organizations and community stakeholders. It will also collaborate with and engage local partners in the effective management, protection and governance of critical forest and aquatic ecosystems while advancing economic incentives to further biodiversity conservation. This activity will target local communities in regions with key biodiversity areas, which could include the Sundarbans Reserve Forest in southwestern Bangladesh, the ecologically critical forest and wetland zones of northeastern Bangladesh, and or other regions of the country with critical biodiversity.
• Job Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, Protibesh staff will be working remotely until further notice.
• Employment Status: Full-time employee with benefits
Job Responsibilities
Finance Team: Manage financial aspects of Protibesh and ensuring compliance with specific regulations and company policies and procedures. The Finance Team will oversee expenses, conduct internal reviews, and monitor overall spending of project activities.
Employment Status
Full-time
Educational Requirements
• Academic degree in related field
Experience Requirements
• At least 5 year(s)
Additional Requirements
• At least five years overseeing financial and/or operational aspects of large donor funded projects
• Proven experience managing and supervising teams and individuals
• Previous USAID experience, or related donor required
• Strong knowledge of USAID rules and regulations
• Experience working on a USAID cooperative agreement preferred, but not required
• Proficiency in English required, with excellent written and oral communication skills
Job Location
Dhaka
Salary
• Negotiable
• Negotiable based on experience and qualifications.
Compensation & Other Benefits
• Compensation & Other Benefits: Per company policy, Chemonics offers a comprehensive and competitive benefits package in line with local labor requirements at a minimum.
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"My people," she began. "At last you have been freed from the rule of
the Foreigner. To-day, a great blow has been delivered by you for our
independence--a blow that will resound in the most distant provinces
of our land. Through your loyalty and courage, the end for which we
have so long striven has been attained. To you belongs the spoil, the
treasure that has fallen into our hands. It is your reward."
A murmur of applause told that the point had been well received.
"But my people," she proceeded. "You are still encompassed by great
peril. The Foreigner is destroyed, but others of his race may return
to try and wrest from you, your country. Enemies, too, may rise from
within as rapacious and as hateful of your religion. It is necessary
that you choose without delay a fearless and capable ruler."
A few voices called on her by name, but she again silenced them.
"As you well know," she continued, "by our law, to me belongs the right
of succession to the throne of Jhansi."
"Aye, truly," many cried. "Lachmi Bai. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
"But, my good people, as the noble Raja, Ahmad Khan, hath pointed out,
I am but a girl, uninstructed in the wiles of statecraft, unused to
the wielding of a sword in dangerous times. A Raja, he declares, must
be seated on the throne of Jhansi. Why not then the illustrious Ahmad
Khan"?
Spontaneously the cry rose, "For us no stranger, no Mohammedan! We want
him not to rule over us. Lachmi Bai. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
"But, good people," she persisted, as if earnestly pleading Ahmad's
cause. "Ahmad Khan is a brave soldier. He is"----
Her voice was drowned in an uproar that shook the walls of the palace.
Her name alone was borne upward by thousands of unyielding throats.
"Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
She stretched out her arms lovingly toward them. She appealed to them
with a captivating smile.
"Would you then have Lachmi Bai for your ruler in Jhansi"?
A great shout rose and confirmed her in her right to the title. The
throngs surged back and forth in the endeavor of those furthest away to
reach a spot nearer to her person.
"Come to us," they cried. "Come down amid thy people, O Rani."
With a radiant countenance, she passed down the flight of stone steps
into the courtyard. Unguarded she moved among the mass of people,
stirred to a frenzy of enthusiasm by her presence. Some knelt in her
path to touch the hem of her garment, while others waved their weapons
aloft, vowing they would defend her to the death.
Darkness fell with the swiftness of the Tropics. She turned to re-enter
the palace, and torches flared to light her path. They gave to the
scene a weird, majestic splendor--the irregular outlines of the palace
overshadowed by the huge black mass of the fortress; the exultant,
white robed throng; the stern faces of the soldiers; the girl, whose
mysterious being swayed their emotions like the wind playing upon lotus
reeds.
In the Darbar hall Ahmad Khan impatiently awaited the Rani's return.
He was startled by the cries of the populace, and dismayed at the
discovery that his egress was blocked. Uneasily he paced back and
forth, wondering what these ominous signs betokened. He cursed his
imprudence at having dismissed his followers at so critical a moment.
"Tricked, I doubt not," he savagely exclaimed. "But one more fool who
loses a crown in exchange for a woman's smile."
The Rani and her officers swept into the hall. Ahmad's hand impulsively
grasped the hilt of his sword--a gesture which Prasad imitated by half
withdrawing his from its scabbard.
The Hindu noble advanced a few paces, regarding Ahmad's sullen
countenance as if willing to accept a challenge.
"Peace, my Lords," the Rani cried authoritatively.
She laid a restraining hand on Prasad's arm.
"Peace. It is my will. This is no hour to broach a feud."
She then fearlessly advanced to Ahmad's side, and addressed him calmly.
"My Lord Raja," said she. "My people will have it that I rule over
Jhansi."
She held up her hand to draw his attention to the acclamations which
penetrated the innermost recesses of the palace.
"You hear them," she continued. "I espoused your cause to the best of
my ability; but, it seems, they will have no other than Lachmi Bai to
be their Rani."
"And now," she concluded, addressing all present, "I look to you,
Ahmad, Prasad, and all my brave officers to unite for one object, the
defense of my throne and Jhansi."
Ahmad glanced round upon the determined faces of the Rani's loyal
supporters, as they vowed to maintain the crown upon her head. He
realized that, in turn, he had been outwitted. By a low obeisance he
outwardly acknowledged her authority.
"The people are God's," he murmured, "the country is the Padshah's,
and the Raj is the Rani's."
Thus was Lachmi Bai proclaimed Rani of Jhansi.
please highlight key word in the below shown paragraph
"My people," she began. "At last you have been freed from the rule of
the Foreigner. To-day, a great blow has been delivered by you for our
independence--a blow that will resound in the most distant provinces
of our land. Through your loyalty and courage, the end for which we
have so long striven has been attained. To you belongs the spoil, the
treasure that has fallen into our hands. It is your reward."
A murmur of applause told that the point had been well received.
"But my people," she proceeded. "You are still encompassed by great
peril. The Foreigner is destroyed, but others of his race may return
to try and wrest from you, your country. Enemies, too, may rise from
within as rapacious and as hateful of your religion. It is necessary
that you choose without delay a fearless and capable ruler."
A few voices called on her by name, but she again silenced them.
"As you well know," she continued, "by our law, to me belongs the right
of succession to the throne of Jhansi."
"Aye, truly," many cried. "Lachmi Bai. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
"But, my good people, as the noble Raja, Ahmad Khan, hath pointed out,
I am but a girl, uninstructed in the wiles of statecraft, unused to
the wielding of a sword in dangerous times. A Raja, he declares, must
be seated on the throne of Jhansi. Why not then the illustrious Ahmad
Khan"?
Spontaneously the cry rose, "For us no stranger, no Mohammedan! We want
him not to rule over us. Lachmi Bai. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
"But, good people," she persisted, as if earnestly pleading Ahmad's
cause. "Ahmad Khan is a brave soldier. He is"----
Her voice was drowned in an uproar that shook the walls of the palace.
Her name alone was borne upward by thousands of unyielding throats.
"Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi. Lachmi Bai. Rani of Jhansi."
She stretched out her arms lovingly toward them. She appealed to them
with a captivating smile.
"Would you then have Lachmi Bai for your ruler in Jhansi"?
A great shout rose and confirmed her in her right to the title. The
throngs surged back and forth in the endeavor of those furthest away to
reach a spot nearer to her person.
"Come to us," they cried. "Come down amid thy people, O Rani."
With a radiant countenance, she passed down the flight of stone steps
into the courtyard. Unguarded she moved among the mass of people,
stirred to a frenzy of enthusiasm by her presence. Some knelt in her
path to touch the hem of her garment, while others waved their weapons
aloft, vowing they would defend her to the death.
Darkness fell with the swiftness of the Tropics. She turned to re-enter
the palace, and torches flared to light her path. They gave to the
scene a weird, majestic splendor--the irregular outlines of the palace
overshadowed by the huge black mass of the fortress; the exultant,
white robed throng; the stern faces of the soldiers; the girl, whose
mysterious being swayed their emotions like the wind playing upon lotus
reeds.
In the Darbar hall Ahmad Khan impatiently awaited the Rani's return.
He was startled by the cries of the populace, and dismayed at the
discovery that his egress was blocked. Uneasily he paced back and
forth, wondering what these ominous signs betokened. He cursed his
imprudence at having dismissed his followers at so critical a moment.
"Tricked, I doubt not," he savagely exclaimed. "But one more fool who
loses a crown in exchange for a woman's smile."
The Rani and her officers swept into the hall. Ahmad's hand impulsively
grasped the hilt of his sword--a gesture which Prasad imitated by half
withdrawing his from its scabbard.
The Hindu noble advanced a few paces, regarding Ahmad's sullen
countenance as if willing to accept a challenge.
"Peace, my Lords," the Rani cried authoritatively.
She laid a restraining hand on Prasad's arm.
"Peace. It is my will. This is no hour to broach a feud."
She then fearlessly advanced to Ahmad's side, and addressed him calmly.
"My Lord Raja," said she. "My people will have it that I rule over
Jhansi."
She held up her hand to draw his attention to the acclamations which
penetrated the innermost recesses of the palace.
"You hear them," she continued. "I espoused your cause to the best of
my ability; but, it seems, they will have no other than Lachmi Bai to
be their Rani."
"And now," she concluded, addressing all present, "I look to you,
Ahmad, Prasad, and all my brave officers to unite for one object, the
defense of my throne and Jhansi."
Ahmad glanced round upon the determined faces of the Rani's loyal
supporters, as they vowed to maintain the crown upon her head. He
realized that, in turn, he had been outwitted. By a low obeisance he
outwardly acknowledged her authority.
"The people are God's," he murmured, "the country is the Padshah's,
and the Raj is the Rani's."
Thus was Lachmi Bai proclaimed Rani of Jhansi.
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