The continued rise in the world’s population (Corrected Essay)
The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
This is a two-part question essay. The first one is asking for the cause of overpopulation, the second one is asking for your opinion.
If you want to disagree with the topic question statement, you have to write 3 paragraphs:
Body 1: The cause of overpopulation
Body 2: The effect of overpopulation on human society
Body 3: Over population is not detrimental as, for example, climate change.
If you remove the above Body 2, then the essay’s coherence will be lost. There will be no clear connect between Body 1 and Body 3.
Model Essay
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change.
A concise introduction. The first sentence both acknowledges the general statement in the topic question and explain the cause of population rise. The second one provides an opinion from the author.
To make good use of emphasis in Writing, place the most important keywords at the beginning and/or the end of your sentences.
A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7.5 billion.
K-3 words in the Body 1: coincides, consequently, craft, gradually, majority, revolution.
Good use of cohesion. The author starts with the cohesive device “since”, then “thus”, then “this situation”, and last “consequently”.
In the phrase “7.5 billion (people)”, the word “billion” is in singular form.
The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas.
The author has remembered to start every paragraph with a topic sentence.
Good collocations here: resource depletion, environmental degradation.
Good use of sentence structuring. In the phrase “Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas”, “unemployment” is the effect, and “a densely populated area” is the cause. But in the previous sentence, the cause (“overpopulation”) is placed in front of the effect (“overconsumption”).
However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality.
Good use of contrasting language: does not happen on a global scale vs around the world.
The author has provided evidences for supporting his view.
“From an environmental perspective, …” supports the idea of “ecosystems are affected by climate change”
“... which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate …” supports the idea of “social systems are affected by climate change”
Overall, the author has used many academic words in his essay, precisely and appropriately.
To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
A simple and concise conclusion. You can end your essay with a 1-sentence conclusion, but 2 is better in this case.
A 269-word essay is enough for Academic Writing Task 2. Going over 300 words means you are unable to concisely express your idea, and that isn’t encouraged in the IELTS exam.
Words: 269.
Task Response: 9
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion: 9
uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resource: 9
uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Another sample essay
The problem of ever-growing population has stroked as a global issue encountered by today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of population is the major threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest impact on the environment and the wellbeing of the human beings.
Population growth is reciprocal to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in effectiveness of control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills which are easy to use, but less efficient and that result in increased birth rates and available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase life span.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased population demands for increase housing, employments and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery and fertile lands turned to be industrial areas that in turn lead to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to ecosystem.
(Written by Susa Dhakal)
Corrected Essay
The problem of an ever-growing population has stroked raised as a global issue encountered by for today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of the population is the major greatest threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest major impact on the environment and the wellbeing well-being of the human beings.
Avoid overusing passive voice. “An issue for someone” is much natural than “an issue encountered by someone”
Redundant language. If you have used “due to”, then you don’t need to add “the reasons for”.
When being asked “do you agree that it is the GREATEST problem?”, you are required to include a superlative adjective in your answer. So “the major threat” doesn’t work here.
Population growth is reciprocal related to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in the effectiveness of birth control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills, which are easy to use, but less efficient, and that result in increased birth rates. and Furthermore, available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase longer life span spans.
The topic sentence here is not coherent with the main theme of the essay. Since the author has stated in the conclusion that longer life span is a cause of overpopulation, he should include it in the topic sentence of this body paragraph too.
“Reciprocal” means “given, felt, or done in return”. The correct collocation in this case is “to be related to”, not “to be reciprocal to”.
“There are many cases.” Which cases, then? The author are required to provide some examples after using that phrase. I would suggest him delete that sentence completely since his essay is too lengthy.
The last sentence is too lengthy and incohesive. Should have broken it down into two sentences. Not to mention that the author forgot to put a comma after the relative pronoun “which”, which makes it really hard to read.
The author spends most of his Body Paragraph 1 for supporting the argument of “inefficient birth control leads to overpopulation. His other argument about longer life span is nearly overlooked. Poor coherence here.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased increasing population demands demand for increase more housing development, employments, and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery verdant and fertile lands, which turned changes those areas to be industrial areas, that in turn lead leads to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
The author uses each body paragraph to address each topic question. Good thinking.
If the essay question requires you to address if “the problem of X is the most dangerous threat to humanity”, it implies that you should compare the effect of X (overpopulation, in this case) on humanity to that of Y and Z (nuclear war and environmental pollution, for example).
However, the author has not make any comparison. A possible approach is to say that “overpopoulation is the root of other serious issues such as environmental pollution and high unemployment”. The root of other problems is usually the most dangerous one.
“The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities.” But how? The author needs to proof it with evidence.
“In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.” This sentence fails to support the argument in the previous sentence (“An increasing poulation demand for…”) The author could remove it since his essay is pretty lengthy anyway.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to the ecosystem.
This conclusion does not fully address the topic question. The author should have been written that overpopulation is the GREATEST threat, however, he only said that it is a “serious” issue (much weaker).
325 words is too much for an Task 2 essay. If you write less than this, then you will have time to double-check your grammatical mistakes.
(Words: 325)
.
Overall: 6.0
Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
----------------------------------------------------------
This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
If you want to practice more about writing Task 2, you can join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/351029818650829/
Comments:
While some sports are typically played in teams, others are usually done by individuals. There are, of course, benefits to both team sports and individual ones, and this essay will explore both, before coming to the conclusion that team sports are slightly more beneficial.
When most people think of sports, they probably first imagine some kind of team sport, like football, basketball, or rugby. These are by far the most popular and so we often watch them on TV or play them with our friends. But they are not merely fun to play and to watch; in fact, they also help us to develop important life skills. Especially for children, playing team sports is an invaluable way to develop interpersonal skills. Working together with teammates helps them to relate to others better, as they will be able to communicate well and delegate responsibilities. These are skills that will serve them well in their professional and private lives as teenagers and then adults.
While players of individual sports will not gain these benefits, they will nonetheless get some important perks from their chosen sport. In sports like golf and long-distance running, people learn valuable lessons. They will learn determination and self-reliance, as well as improving their ability to concentrate over long, often lonely, periods of time. Although the ability to work as a team is considered one of the most valuable talents in business these days, independence and self-motivation will always be useful life-skills to possess.
In conclusion, all sports offer different benefits; however, sports that are played in teams are probably more useful than those done by individuals because the benefits which they provide us are slightly more valued in the wider world.
The diagram shows how to make dough for a pizza and there are seven procedures to follow. On the first hand all the ingridients has being mixed for a certain amount of time and in different methods. After the mixing processes had finished dough has being kept to maximize larger in size and finally cut to equal peices.
The ingredients used for making the dough are 500 grams of flour, 325 grams of water, 2 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon of dry active yeast. The first phases of the dogh making pracess evalutaed in 7 sections. 1st phase: put all the ingredients in a stand mixer. 2nd phase: Mix all the ingridients in the stand mixer in slow speed for 2 minutes. 3rd phase: Mix the dough on midium speed to for 5 minutes. 4th phase: In this stage mix the dough again for 2 minutes in slow speed.
The 5th phase is the most compulsory stage in making dough which is to let the dough rise minimum of 2 hours. 6th phase: kneading the dough to remove all air bubbles. The final phase is to cut the dough in 3 equal pieces, each pieces should be weigh around 275 grams.
The task one illustrates the process of how to knee perfect dough to bake a sizzling Italian pizza. This whole process consists on the seven steps. Firstly all the ingredients; floor, water, salt and dry yeast are putted in a mixer, by following the exact measurements. After running the mixer on a low speed for almost two minutes, its speed accelerated to medium for more five minutes. As the quality of pizza dough depends upon the how perfectly it has been mixed or kneed, so it required running the mixer on a slow mode for another two minutes. After mixing it for overall 9-10 minutes, it is putted on rest for minimum two hours. If after this period of time, the dough is doubled in size, it means this dough is ready for the next step. Later the dough is kneed with hands to remove all air bubbles. It is stretched on the board so that it can be cut into three equal pieces.
The given diagram illustrate the steps to make a pizza dough.
overall, it is clear from the diagram that the prossess consists of seven stages, begining with puting the dough ingredients in the mixer, and ending up with cuting the dough into three equal pieces.
according to what is shown, the first step to make a pizza dough is to put a 4 cups of flour, 1 1/2 cups of water, 2 tsp of salt and 1/2 tsp dry active yeast into a stand mixer. secoundly, mix it for two minutes on slow speed, then mix it in medium speed for five minutes. After that return into low speed for a minimum of two minutes.
After that let the dough to rise in minimum for 2 hours, meanwhile it should be double in size. Then work the dough to remove all the air bubbles, finally cut it into 3 equal pieces, or 275 grams each.
Task 1
The picture here guides us to prepare a perfect dough for a pizza. The process is very simple and explained in the picture with 7 easy steps. Firstly, the top for pictorial representation helps us understand the ingredients. It says (picture) we need to take 4 cups weighing 500 grams of all-purpose flour in a stand mixer bowl. We have to pour one and half cups of water to it along with 2 tablespoons of salt and half tablespoon of dry active yeast to the stand mixer. Make sure to water content should be 325 grams as per the represented in picture.
Now, we have successfully prepared the mix of ingredients in the stand mixer bowl which was our 1st step. Next for step 2 and 3, we start the mixer and run it for 2 minutes on a slow speed and then we accelerate the speed up to medium for 5 minutes. After completing this, for step 4, we simply lower the speed back to the slow for the last 2 minutes to have the dough ready to rest. The picture represents for the step 5, we have to take out the dough from the stand mixer and keep it aside for 2 hours to rest and allow it to rise to the size of its double.
Now step 6 is a crucial step for our perfect dough, we have to work with the dough with hands to remove all the air bubbles which a there due to the raise in the dough. Once done with beating the dough, cut it into 3 equal pieces for 275 grams each for the pizza.
Task 2
The statement here, in my opinion, is not agreeable as sports is its own benefits whether played alone or in a team both. This statement may question the persons talent, there should not be a any difference or judgements passed on sports persons talent.
The current number and type of sports played have increased by a huge number. These sports include both individually played games and team games as well. I will like to speak upon team games first, people are huge fan of team games and respect the play and their players together. In a team game all the efforts of the team players must be acknowledged as it is played. A team game can be represented as a symbol of unity and if a team doesn't play with each other unitedly then there are high number of chances of losing the game. A team sports teaches humans to stay together, respect and stay as a one team, with these virtues they all play for the team and for their nations. Players of the team are accounted with their own talent but with the team. Speaking of individual games, these players are also praised and loved by the people across the nation because of their talent, but these players also represent their nation which has to be understood by the people.
The only reason such a statement is passed over sports faternity is because they all are human at a individual level and humans make mistake. In a team, there are chances one player might have a problem with another player and such an issue might affect they unity as a team and spoil the game. There are chances a player may be blamed for the failure of not getting along with the team or have fear of not being recognized. Such fear of blame or being known, may question the sportsmanship of a sports person, and compel people to choose a individual sport. But the things which has to be understood by the people is that sports person should be defined by their talents. It's not always the inter-human relationship issue, people in individual games are there because of their true talent not because they choose to play alone in order to be away from such inter-personal issue.
All in all, sports are a place where people can present their countries proudly being in a team or an individual. Sportsmanship is always in playing for the nation and then for themselves.
Hey guys
Please score this writing.
The process demonstrates how to make dough for pizza, which consists in seven important procedures to follow. It can be clearly seen, that every step must be done rigorously to get adequate doubt.
First of all, is important to collect all the ingredients to follow the instructions, and then place them into a stand mixer. Four cups of 500 grams of flour should be filled with one cup and a half of water, two teaspoons of salt, and half a teaspoon of dry active yeast. Once this process is done and all the ingredients were combined in a blender, it should be there mixing approximately for two minutes in low mode. Then mix again for five more minutes at a medium speed, Since is done, stir again for two minutes in low mode.
When blender time is over, is time to take it away from the blender and leave the dough at least for two hours rising, after this time it should look double the size as it was. Secondly, when the dough is done, the next step is to work the dough with hands to take away all the air accumulated and converted into bubbles. Once is kneaded and got a smooth dough with no air anymore, The dough must be cut and divided into three pieces equally or separated into 275 grams each.
The process demonstrates how to make dough for pizza, which consists in seven important procedures to follow. It can be clearly seen, that every step must be done rigorously to get the adequate doubt.
First of all, is important to collect all the ingredients to follow the instructions, and then place them into a stand mixer. Four cups of 500 grams of flour should be filled with one cup and a half of water, two teaspoons of salt, and half a teaspoon of dry active yeast. Once this process is done and all the ingredients were combined in a blender, it should be there mixing approximately for two minutes in low mode. Then mix again for five more minutes at a medium speed, Since is done, stir again for two minutes in low mode.
When blender time is over, is time to take it away from the blender and leave the dough at least for two hours rising, after this time it should look double the size as it was. Secondly, when the dough is done, the next step is to work the dough with hands to take away all the air accumulated and converted into bubbles. Once is kneaded and got a smooth dough with no air anymore, The dough must be cut and divided into three pieces equally or separated into 275 grams each.
https://ieltsonlinetests.com/wot/result/writing-practice-test-1-850794
please give me feedback from you guys
Sport is the beneficial part of our life to remain healthy and fit. Now a days people play many kinds of sport like horse riding, soccer and cricket which makes human body active. Many people think that is it good to play games which are played in groups. However, some please believes that the single game to play. In my opinion, playing single game is better as one-man effort is counted.
First of all, the single game is good for both heath and the player as if there will be any mistake made by the man can count his own loss. A person only has to put all of the effort on his body in order to win the game. Furthermore, swimming is that sport in which all of the man body part moves and his success is on his health. For example, in the previous common wealth game Canadian man heath was good his body movement is that good that he become first.
On the other hand, in group games each of the participant has his own role to handle the game and to compete his opponent like in football. In addition to this, one wrong move of the member of the team can get his team out of the game. For example, the bad move of goal keeper and all the defenders result in the loss of the Brazil team in Fifa world cup.
To conclude with that the single sport is better as compere to the team as in team game on wrong move of a person can make the whole team lose the game.
The above diagram depict what steps are require for making dough for pizza. Some essential items which are require i.e. water, flour, salt and yeast.
In first, take 4 cups 500 gram of flour, 1 ½ cups (325 gram) of water, 2 table spoon of salt and 1/2 table spoon of yeast into the bowl of stand mixer and mix it for 2 minutes in slow speed. Then after 2 minutes speed the machine up to medium for 4 minutes and after passing 4 minutes speed back to the slow for 2 minutes. After mixing, leave it for minimum 4 hours to dry so that it gains the double size. Start pressing the dough with your hand so that the bubble in it should eliminate and then cut it into 3 pieces.
In conclusion, these are the easy step for making dough so that you can easily cook pizza.
While some sports are typically played in teams, others are usually done by individuals. There are, of course, benefits to both team sports and individual ones, and this essay will explore both, before coming to the conclusion that team sports are slightly more beneficial.
When most people think of sports, they probably first imagine some kind of team sport, like football, basketball, or rugby. These are by far the most popular and so we often watch them on TV or play them with our friends. But they are not merely fun to play and to watch; in fact, they also help us to develop important life skills. Especially for children, playing team sports is an invaluable way to develop interpersonal skills. Working together with teammates helps them to relate to others better, as they will be able to communicate well and delegate responsibilities. These are skills that will serve them well in their professional and private lives as teenagers and then adults.
While players of individual sports will not gain these benefits, they will nonetheless get some important perks from their chosen sport. In sports like golf and long-distance running, people learn valuable lessons. They will learn determination and self-reliance, as well as improving their ability to concentrate over long, often lonely, periods of time. Although the ability to work as a team is considered one of the most valuable talents in business these days, independence and self-motivation will always be useful life-skills to possess.
In conclusion, all sports offer different benefits; however, sports that are played in teams are probably more useful than those done by individuals because the benefits which they provide us are slightly more valued in the wider world.