Are famous people treated unfairly by the media?
Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Original Essay:
Different people hold different point of view regarding the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities & I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.
Firstly, it should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone. For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about a Pakistani actress wearing western clothes & smoking with an Indian star; the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.
On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy. They are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.
Concluding, I want to say that line must be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need. It is not an acceptable trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.
(Written by Narmeen Habib)
Corrected Essay:
Different people hold different point of view regarding the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities & I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.
The first sentence, Different people hold different point of view regarding, is too generic, as majority students use this phrase in their introduction paragraph.
Also, the reason(s) to support your stand and position is little totally unclear. This is supposed to be specific. Do not leave any vague statement like light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults as this will score you lower.
Instead of using “&” to link the ideas, it is much better if you use “and” or any other cohesive devices.
Overall, the introduction should give readers a quick sampling of some features in the following body paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary phrases (see the second bullet) that bring the rest of the essay vaguely repetitive.
Firstly, it It should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone. For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly thoroughly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about around a Pakistani actress wearing in western clothes & smoking with an Indian star; the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities (a comma) and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.
The topic sentence in this paragraph is too general. It is suggested including the keywords from the prompt.
Nowadays is commonly used in an IELTS writing context. Try to find another expression.
Punctuation like semi-colon is too vague. It is always better if you could change this punctuation with an appropriate cohesive device.
On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy. They are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that claim that a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.
Try not to start with there is, as this phrase shows a weak sentence
The use of pronoun in this phrase Your privacy is lack of reference
they are of the opinion is counted as 5 words. Write they argue/ claim. Keep your sentence succinct and to the point
They lacks referencing in the second sentence
The third sentence, I … believes, shows a minor problem with subject-and-verb agreement
No evidence to support your claim is seen from this paragraph.
Concluding, In conclusion, I want to say that line must be is bound to be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need. It is not an acceptable a major trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.
Change concluding to In conclusion
Change must be to is bound to be as one of hedging phrases as to reduce the certainty of statement.
You are not allowed to present a new idea: privacy is our psychological need. Simply restate your main ideas. Showing a new one will lower your score.
The conclusion does not simply restate the main ideas of the thesis, but it should draw the implication and significance of the issue. Thus, leaving your personal view, like judgment or prediction, is needed
Words: 319
Overall: 6.5
● Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/ unclear
● Coherence and Cohesion: 6
× arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✓ uses paragraphing, but not always logically (lack of good supporting evidence for the argument)
● Lexical Resource: 7
✓ uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓ uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓ may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
● Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures (avoid + Ving: avoid invading)
✓ has produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
This essay is corrected by Eddy Suaib - IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris
Comments:
While some sports are typically played in teams, others are usually done by individuals. There are, of course, benefits to both team sports and individual ones, and this essay will explore both, before coming to the conclusion that team sports are slightly more beneficial.
When most people think of sports, they probably first imagine some kind of team sport, like football, basketball, or rugby. These are by far the most popular and so we often watch them on TV or play them with our friends. But they are not merely fun to play and to watch; in fact, they also help us to develop important life skills. Especially for children, playing team sports is an invaluable way to develop interpersonal skills. Working together with teammates helps them to relate to others better, as they will be able to communicate well and delegate responsibilities. These are skills that will serve them well in their professional and private lives as teenagers and then adults.
While players of individual sports will not gain these benefits, they will nonetheless get some important perks from their chosen sport. In sports like golf and long-distance running, people learn valuable lessons. They will learn determination and self-reliance, as well as improving their ability to concentrate over long, often lonely, periods of time. Although the ability to work as a team is considered one of the most valuable talents in business these days, independence and self-motivation will always be useful life-skills to possess.
In conclusion, all sports offer different benefits; however, sports that are played in teams are probably more useful than those done by individuals because the benefits which they provide us are slightly more valued in the wider world.
The diagram shows how to make dough for a pizza and there are seven procedures to follow. On the first hand all the ingridients has being mixed for a certain amount of time and in different methods. After the mixing processes had finished dough has being kept to maximize larger in size and finally cut to equal peices.
The ingredients used for making the dough are 500 grams of flour, 325 grams of water, 2 teaspoon of salt and 1/2 teaspoon of dry active yeast. The first phases of the dogh making pracess evalutaed in 7 sections. 1st phase: put all the ingredients in a stand mixer. 2nd phase: Mix all the ingridients in the stand mixer in slow speed for 2 minutes. 3rd phase: Mix the dough on midium speed to for 5 minutes. 4th phase: In this stage mix the dough again for 2 minutes in slow speed.
The 5th phase is the most compulsory stage in making dough which is to let the dough rise minimum of 2 hours. 6th phase: kneading the dough to remove all air bubbles. The final phase is to cut the dough in 3 equal pieces, each pieces should be weigh around 275 grams.
The task one illustrates the process of how to knee perfect dough to bake a sizzling Italian pizza. This whole process consists on the seven steps. Firstly all the ingredients; floor, water, salt and dry yeast are putted in a mixer, by following the exact measurements. After running the mixer on a low speed for almost two minutes, its speed accelerated to medium for more five minutes. As the quality of pizza dough depends upon the how perfectly it has been mixed or kneed, so it required running the mixer on a slow mode for another two minutes. After mixing it for overall 9-10 minutes, it is putted on rest for minimum two hours. If after this period of time, the dough is doubled in size, it means this dough is ready for the next step. Later the dough is kneed with hands to remove all air bubbles. It is stretched on the board so that it can be cut into three equal pieces.
The given diagram illustrate the steps to make a pizza dough.
overall, it is clear from the diagram that the prossess consists of seven stages, begining with puting the dough ingredients in the mixer, and ending up with cuting the dough into three equal pieces.
according to what is shown, the first step to make a pizza dough is to put a 4 cups of flour, 1 1/2 cups of water, 2 tsp of salt and 1/2 tsp dry active yeast into a stand mixer. secoundly, mix it for two minutes on slow speed, then mix it in medium speed for five minutes. After that return into low speed for a minimum of two minutes.
After that let the dough to rise in minimum for 2 hours, meanwhile it should be double in size. Then work the dough to remove all the air bubbles, finally cut it into 3 equal pieces, or 275 grams each.
Task 1
The picture here guides us to prepare a perfect dough for a pizza. The process is very simple and explained in the picture with 7 easy steps. Firstly, the top for pictorial representation helps us understand the ingredients. It says (picture) we need to take 4 cups weighing 500 grams of all-purpose flour in a stand mixer bowl. We have to pour one and half cups of water to it along with 2 tablespoons of salt and half tablespoon of dry active yeast to the stand mixer. Make sure to water content should be 325 grams as per the represented in picture.
Now, we have successfully prepared the mix of ingredients in the stand mixer bowl which was our 1st step. Next for step 2 and 3, we start the mixer and run it for 2 minutes on a slow speed and then we accelerate the speed up to medium for 5 minutes. After completing this, for step 4, we simply lower the speed back to the slow for the last 2 minutes to have the dough ready to rest. The picture represents for the step 5, we have to take out the dough from the stand mixer and keep it aside for 2 hours to rest and allow it to rise to the size of its double.
Now step 6 is a crucial step for our perfect dough, we have to work with the dough with hands to remove all the air bubbles which a there due to the raise in the dough. Once done with beating the dough, cut it into 3 equal pieces for 275 grams each for the pizza.
Task 2
The statement here, in my opinion, is not agreeable as sports is its own benefits whether played alone or in a team both. This statement may question the persons talent, there should not be a any difference or judgements passed on sports persons talent.
The current number and type of sports played have increased by a huge number. These sports include both individually played games and team games as well. I will like to speak upon team games first, people are huge fan of team games and respect the play and their players together. In a team game all the efforts of the team players must be acknowledged as it is played. A team game can be represented as a symbol of unity and if a team doesn't play with each other unitedly then there are high number of chances of losing the game. A team sports teaches humans to stay together, respect and stay as a one team, with these virtues they all play for the team and for their nations. Players of the team are accounted with their own talent but with the team. Speaking of individual games, these players are also praised and loved by the people across the nation because of their talent, but these players also represent their nation which has to be understood by the people.
The only reason such a statement is passed over sports faternity is because they all are human at a individual level and humans make mistake. In a team, there are chances one player might have a problem with another player and such an issue might affect they unity as a team and spoil the game. There are chances a player may be blamed for the failure of not getting along with the team or have fear of not being recognized. Such fear of blame or being known, may question the sportsmanship of a sports person, and compel people to choose a individual sport. But the things which has to be understood by the people is that sports person should be defined by their talents. It's not always the inter-human relationship issue, people in individual games are there because of their true talent not because they choose to play alone in order to be away from such inter-personal issue.
All in all, sports are a place where people can present their countries proudly being in a team or an individual. Sportsmanship is always in playing for the nation and then for themselves.
Hey guys
Please score this writing.
The process demonstrates how to make dough for pizza, which consists in seven important procedures to follow. It can be clearly seen, that every step must be done rigorously to get adequate doubt.
First of all, is important to collect all the ingredients to follow the instructions, and then place them into a stand mixer. Four cups of 500 grams of flour should be filled with one cup and a half of water, two teaspoons of salt, and half a teaspoon of dry active yeast. Once this process is done and all the ingredients were combined in a blender, it should be there mixing approximately for two minutes in low mode. Then mix again for five more minutes at a medium speed, Since is done, stir again for two minutes in low mode.
When blender time is over, is time to take it away from the blender and leave the dough at least for two hours rising, after this time it should look double the size as it was. Secondly, when the dough is done, the next step is to work the dough with hands to take away all the air accumulated and converted into bubbles. Once is kneaded and got a smooth dough with no air anymore, The dough must be cut and divided into three pieces equally or separated into 275 grams each.
The process demonstrates how to make dough for pizza, which consists in seven important procedures to follow. It can be clearly seen, that every step must be done rigorously to get the adequate doubt.
First of all, is important to collect all the ingredients to follow the instructions, and then place them into a stand mixer. Four cups of 500 grams of flour should be filled with one cup and a half of water, two teaspoons of salt, and half a teaspoon of dry active yeast. Once this process is done and all the ingredients were combined in a blender, it should be there mixing approximately for two minutes in low mode. Then mix again for five more minutes at a medium speed, Since is done, stir again for two minutes in low mode.
When blender time is over, is time to take it away from the blender and leave the dough at least for two hours rising, after this time it should look double the size as it was. Secondly, when the dough is done, the next step is to work the dough with hands to take away all the air accumulated and converted into bubbles. Once is kneaded and got a smooth dough with no air anymore, The dough must be cut and divided into three pieces equally or separated into 275 grams each.
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Sport is the beneficial part of our life to remain healthy and fit. Now a days people play many kinds of sport like horse riding, soccer and cricket which makes human body active. Many people think that is it good to play games which are played in groups. However, some please believes that the single game to play. In my opinion, playing single game is better as one-man effort is counted.
First of all, the single game is good for both heath and the player as if there will be any mistake made by the man can count his own loss. A person only has to put all of the effort on his body in order to win the game. Furthermore, swimming is that sport in which all of the man body part moves and his success is on his health. For example, in the previous common wealth game Canadian man heath was good his body movement is that good that he become first.
On the other hand, in group games each of the participant has his own role to handle the game and to compete his opponent like in football. In addition to this, one wrong move of the member of the team can get his team out of the game. For example, the bad move of goal keeper and all the defenders result in the loss of the Brazil team in Fifa world cup.
To conclude with that the single sport is better as compere to the team as in team game on wrong move of a person can make the whole team lose the game.
The above diagram depict what steps are require for making dough for pizza. Some essential items which are require i.e. water, flour, salt and yeast.
In first, take 4 cups 500 gram of flour, 1 ½ cups (325 gram) of water, 2 table spoon of salt and 1/2 table spoon of yeast into the bowl of stand mixer and mix it for 2 minutes in slow speed. Then after 2 minutes speed the machine up to medium for 4 minutes and after passing 4 minutes speed back to the slow for 2 minutes. After mixing, leave it for minimum 4 hours to dry so that it gains the double size. Start pressing the dough with your hand so that the bubble in it should eliminate and then cut it into 3 pieces.
In conclusion, these are the easy step for making dough so that you can easily cook pizza.
While some sports are typically played in teams, others are usually done by individuals. There are, of course, benefits to both team sports and individual ones, and this essay will explore both, before coming to the conclusion that team sports are slightly more beneficial.
When most people think of sports, they probably first imagine some kind of team sport, like football, basketball, or rugby. These are by far the most popular and so we often watch them on TV or play them with our friends. But they are not merely fun to play and to watch; in fact, they also help us to develop important life skills. Especially for children, playing team sports is an invaluable way to develop interpersonal skills. Working together with teammates helps them to relate to others better, as they will be able to communicate well and delegate responsibilities. These are skills that will serve them well in their professional and private lives as teenagers and then adults.
While players of individual sports will not gain these benefits, they will nonetheless get some important perks from their chosen sport. In sports like golf and long-distance running, people learn valuable lessons. They will learn determination and self-reliance, as well as improving their ability to concentrate over long, often lonely, periods of time. Although the ability to work as a team is considered one of the most valuable talents in business these days, independence and self-motivation will always be useful life-skills to possess.
In conclusion, all sports offer different benefits; however, sports that are played in teams are probably more useful than those done by individuals because the benefits which they provide us are slightly more valued in the wider world.