Writing Task 2

Consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s life.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Student’s marked essay

Globalization has ushered an era of consumerism and that inevitably became part and parcel of people’s everyday life. This essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this approach and provide a suitable conclusion.

On the positive side, the quest for consumer goods boosts the economy and the standard of living. The life becomes more luxurious and comfortable. In addition to that, it helps in improving the productivity in terms of labor, as people tend to work more in the urge of buying goods. In addition to that, the company gets to appoint more employees to meet the growing demands and thereby increasing the work opportunities and a more advanced economy.

As roses are accompanied by thorns, in the similar sense, people tend to become more materialistic, or in other words, they become workaholic.It will also bring additional tension and stress, thereby affecting the mental status of the person. Another drawback is regarding the health. For example, the overuse of mobile phones can lead to neural disorders, as it emits radio waves that can interfere with the neural mechanism of the body. Another important factor is that people might not hesitate in doing illegitimate works to buy the goods they want.

The consumerism is undoubtedly rife in the modern society.  The mass production of luxury goods, the saturation of media with advertisements and promotions for branded products and services, and even rising levels of personal debts signal that more people are buying goods excessively.

In conclusion, consumer goods seem to be an integral part of a person’s everyday life. But considering the presented facts, I believe that this dependence certainly brings more harm than doing good.

Essay Evaluation 

Objective: Band 7.0

• The author has showcased the advantages and disadvantages arising from consumer goods.
• The word count is 297 i.e. more than the prescribed limit of 250-270 words. 

Coherence: Band 2.0

• Two to three sentences are long and incoherent.  

Incorrect: “Globalization has ushered an era of consumerism and that inevitably became part and parcel of people’s everyday life.”

Correct: “Globalization has ushered an era of consumerism and that has inevitably become part and parcel of people’s life.”

Incorrect: “The life becomes more luxurious and comfortable. In addition to that, it helps in improving the productivity in terms of labor, as people tend to work more in the urge of buying goods. In addition to that, the company gets to appoint more employees to meet the growing demands and thereby increasing the work opportunities and a more advanced economy.”

Correct: “This leads to a more luxurious and comfortable life. In addition, it helps in improving the labor productivity as people tend to work more to increase their purchasing power.  Further, the company gets to appoint more employees to meet the growing demands; thereby increasing the work opportunities and leading to a more advanced economy.”

Incorrect: “As roses are accompanied by thorns, in the similar sense, people tend to become more materialistic, or in other words, they become workaholic.”

Correct: “Roses and thorns are known to coexist and this situation is no different.  Consumerism tends to make people more materialistic, or in other words, they become workaholic.”

Grammar: Band 6.0

• Appropriate usage of punctuations, articles, models, subject verb agreement.

Incorrect: “The consumerism is undoubtedly rife in the modern society.”

Correct: “Consumerism is undoubtedly rife in the modern society.”

Incorrect: “For example, the overuse of mobile phones can lead to neural disorders, as it emits radio waves that can interfere with the neural mechanism of the body. Another important factor is that people might not hesitate in doing illegitimate works to buy the goods they want.”

Correct: “For example, the overuse of mobile phones can lead to neural disorders as it emits radio waves that can interfere with the neural mechanism of the body. Another important factor is that people may not hesitate in doing illegitimate work to buy the goods they want.”

Vocabulary: 6.0

• This essay presents a decent range of vocabulary but still better can be done.

Overall Band: 5

Sample Essay post Essay Evaluation

Consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s life. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Consumer goods have become the mainstay of people’s living.  This essay is an attempt to study the advantages and disadvantages and provide a conclusion.

In today’s fast paced world, consumer goods are a boon to humanity.  Firstly, they are available in all categories ranging from automobiles, furniture, household appliances etc.  While they make life easy and comfortable, they do not cost an arm and a leg and are generally affordable.  For instance, one can cook up a pre cooked meal to satisfy hunger or reach any far off place in no time by taking a vehicle or perform all household chores such as laundry, dish cleaning, sweeping and mopping at the click of a button of the washing machine, dish cleaner, and vacuum cleaner respectively.  Hence, this definitely leaves some room for an individual to pursue their hobbies or passions, which leads to better living standards.

However, consumer goods have their drawbacks as well.   This results in obesity and other ailments such as cardiac problems, diabetes, joint aches, respiratory issues etc.  

 This isolation is known to cause depression tendencies in individuals.  Excessive usage of automobiles is fast depleting our natural resources such as petrol, diesel and adding to the existing pollution levels.

 It would be prudent to say that while consumer goods still continue to be a boon to mankind, its usage should be regulated and monitored at an individual and government level to ensure it continues to be a boon and not a bane.