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Evaluation for Essay Writing question for IELTS Exam

Evaluation for Essay Writing question for IELTS Exam

3.8
(4 votes)

20,299

10/13/2018

 

Here’s an Essay Writing question that appeared in the IELTS Exam.

Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for a traveler.

Student’s Essay Writing

It is common now-a-days, to see a pop-up advertisement in the internet browser or Email messages suggesting touring destinations. This is indicative of the growing trends in the tourism industry that make us believe that many more people are travelling these days than ever before.  I do believe the same and there are many reasons for such reasoning. This essay will explore this trend in light of reasons and benefits associated with this phenomenon.

One reason could be that the disposal income of the people is increasing therefore they are able to spend more on fuel, can afford to have varied means of transport, like a piece of cake. This is further stimulated by the falling prices of fuels, increasing competition and decreasing air fares etc. The statistics released by Delhi Transport authority recently suggests that the vehicles plying on roads have increased 3 fold in last 7 years. Another prominent reason is that our cities are expanding at an ever increasing rate as a result commuting for daily purposes is also increasing. Apart from the above two reasons the trend in the travelling can also be explained by advent of better communication and transportation facilities. Companies are able to fine remote markets which were obscure hitherto. The business trips therefore have become even more common.

Apart from education and business purpose, the most important advantage of travelling is that it is a stress buster. people often take time off their busy schedules to go to the faraway places. Various companies also have come up with tours as incentives. Take ICFAI, for example, which takes their employees to the exotic places as an incentive for completion of their targets, further stems the reasoning that people like touring.  Many prefer to go on their own too.

Clearly, the contention laid above indicates the growing trend in travelling and that the travelling has rather become a necessity now.

Essay Writing Evaluation

Objective: Band 7.0

  • The author has showcased the reason for spurt in travels and benefits of travelling for a traveler.
  • The word count is 316 i.e. more than the word count of 250-270 words.
  • The essay has been divided into introduction, two paragraphs on the reasons for increase in travel, benefits of travelling for a traveler and final conclusion.  

Coherence: Band 4.0

  • Two to three sentences are long and incoherent.  

Incorrect: “One reason could be that the disposal income of the people is increasing therefore they are able to spend more on fuel, can afford to have varied means of transport, like a piece of cake.”

Correct: “One reason could be that the disposal income of the people is increasing.  Therefore they are able to spend more on fuel and can afford different means of transport like a cake walk.”

Incorrect: “Another prominent reason is that our cities are expanding at an ever increasing rate as a result commuting for daily purposes is also increasing. Apart from the above two reasons the trend in the travelling can also be explained by advent of better communication and transportation facilities.”

Correct: “Another prominent reason is that our cities are ever expanding resulting in an upward spike in daily commuting. Apart from the above two reason, the new travelling trend can also be explained by advent of better communication and transportation facilities.”

Incorrect: “Take ICFAI, for example, which takes their employees to the exotic places as an incentive for completion of their targets, further stems the reasoning that people like touring.”

Correct: “For example, ICFAI takes its employees to exotic places as an incentive for completion of their targets.  This further boosts up touring.”

Grammar: Band 6.0

  • Appropriate usage of punctuations, rules for using capital alphabets, pronouns, articles.

Incorrect: “people often take time off their busy schedules to go to the faraway places.”

Correct: “People often take time off their busy schedules to go to faraway places.”

Incorrect: “Take ICFAI, for example, which takes their employees to the exotic places as an incentive for completion of their targets, further stems the reasoning that people like touring.”

Correct: “For example, ICFAI takes its employees to exotic places as an incentive for completion of their targets.  This further boosts up touring.”

Vocabulary: 6.0

  • This essay presents a decent range of vocabulary but still better can be done.

Overall Band: 6

Model Essay Writing

Travelling seems to be the current trend amongst people.  We take a sneak peek into the reasons behind the spurt in travelling activities and the upsides it has to offer to the tourist.

The world has become a global village and distances seem to have vanished into thin air.  With shrinking distances, better transportation network and affordable travel costs, travelling has become a pleasure than just a mere activity. For instance, the unexplored terrains of Leh-Ladakh. 

The travel benefits are humongous.  The traveler gets to see and feel the places he has earlier read in books, magazines etc.  He gets to enjoy the climate, flora and fauna of the place.  Travels bring people of different races, caste, creed, religion, nationalities closer to each other. It gives them an opportunity to know and appreciate each other’s culture, tradition etc. So, thereby developing patience and tolerance for each other.  For instance, travelling to difficult terrains of the world and seeing the lives of inhabitants there. It  makes the traveler value places which are a lot easier to access and comfortable.

Hence, with the above observations it is evident that travelling has increased manifold and has several benefits for the traveler.  It is for the traveler to use the acquired information in the best possible manner and make it available to the others as well.

 

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