Let us try to analyse the IELTS writing task 1 response of a student who submitted his answer in IELTS mock test.

Question:

Write a letter to your friend asking him to take care of your home when you would be away. In your letter, write

• For how long you would be away
• Contact details to reach you
• What activities to take care of at home

Candidate’s Response:

Dear Sophie,

I hope you are doing well. I am taking this opportunity to thanking you for your kind action when I was in real need of it, as you are willing to take care of my dog as well as the home for a week when I am out of town.

In case of any problem, or in need, feel free to contact me in the following numbers anytime. Here are the numbers; 2560234 – land line telephone and 94496478 mobile.

In addition to that, you can find dog’s feed in the last drawer of the kitchen cabinet and I usually feed her with the same at 9 am and at the noon and night you may give him the feed named ‘pedegree’ which you can find in the store room. Take her out once in the evening at your comfortable timing.

There are some indoor plants, please water them regularly. I have already spoken to the newspaper boy that you will be able to collect newspaper from him. Furthermore, please answer the phone calls on the land line and I have kept a small amount of money near the telephone in an envelope. I hope it will be useful to you in this week.

Looking forward to meet you soon!

Yours truly,

Rima Kapoor

Complete IELTS writing task 1 analysis of the strengths, errors or improvements in the above task response is as below:
Para 1 Analysis:

Strengths:

Greeting statement is there, purpose of writing letter is clearly understood, answer for bullet point is there and complex sentence is attempted.

Corrected Erroneous Statements: 

“to thanking you” should be “to thank you”

“kind action” can be “kind help”

“the home” can be “my home”

“when I am out of town” can be “when I would be out of town”

The para can be corrected as:

“I hope you are doing well. I am taking this opportunity to thank you, for your kind help when I am in real need of it, as you are willing to take care of my dog as well as my home for a week when I would be out of town.”

Para 2 Analysis:

Strengths:

Contact details are mentioned as per second bullet point.

Corrected Erroneous Statements:

“in the following numbers” should be “on the following numbers”

“94496478 mobile” can be “94496478 – mobile number”

The para can be corrected as:

“In case of any problem or in need, feel free to contact me on my contact numbers anytime. The numbers are: 2560234 – land line telephone and 94496478 – mobile number.”
Para 3 Analysis:

Strengths: 

Connector is used, details of 3rd bullet point in the question are there.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

Inappropriateness can be corrected as below:

“In addition to that, you can feed my pet dog with the food kept in the last drawer of the kitchen cabinet and I usually feed her with the same at three times; 9 am, at noon and at night. You may also give her the feed named ‘pedegree’ which you can find in the store room. It would really nice of you if you can take her out once in the evening at your comfortable timing.”

Para 4 Analysis:

Strengths:

Sentence connector is again used and further details are given.

Corrected Erroneous Statement:

Inappropriateness can be corrected as below:

It would be great if you can water the indoor plants regularly. I had already spoken to the newspaper boy about you that you would collect newspaper in my place for few days. Other than this, I request you to please make the phone calls on the land line number only, and also, I have kept a small amount of money near the telephone in an envelope for emergency. I hope it will be useful to you in this week.

Expected Band Score – Band 7

Overall, the candidate mostly writes free from grammar error with use of connectives and correct tenses. However, there is sometimes inappropriateness in the sentence structure, pronunciation or grammar that can be further improved to right letter effectively.