The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
This is a two-part question essay. The first one is asking for the cause of overpopulation, the second one is asking for your opinion.
If you want to disagree with the topic question statement, you have to write 3 paragraphs:
Body 1: The cause of overpopulation
Body 2: The effect of overpopulation on human society
Body 3: Over population is not detrimental as, for example, climate change.
If you remove the above Body 2, then the essay’s coherence will be lost. There will be no clear connect between Body 1 and Body 3.
Model Essay
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change.
A concise introduction. The first sentence both acknowledges the general statement in the topic question and explain the cause of population rise. The second one provides an opinion from the author.
To make good use of emphasis in Writing, place the most important keywords at the beginning and/or the end of your sentences.
A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7.5 billion.
K-3 words in the Body 1: coincides, consequently, craft, gradually, majority, revolution.
Good use of cohesion. The author starts with the cohesive device “since”, then “thus”, then “this situation”, and last “consequently”.
In the phrase “7.5 billion (people)”, the word “billion” is in singular form.
The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas.
The author has remembered to start every paragraph with a topic sentence.
Good collocations here: resource depletion, environmental degradation.
Good use of sentence structuring. In the phrase “Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas”, “unemployment” is the effect, and “a densely populated area” is the cause. But in the previous sentence, the cause (“overpopulation”) is placed in front of the effect (“overconsumption”).
However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality.
Good use of contrasting language: does not happen on a global scale vs around the world.
The author has provided evidences for supporting his view.
“From an environmental perspective, …” supports the idea of “ecosystems are affected by climate change”
“... which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate …” supports the idea of “social systems are affected by climate change”
Overall, the author has used many academic words in his essay, precisely and appropriately.
To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
A simple and concise conclusion. You can end your essay with a 1-sentence conclusion, but 2 is better in this case.
A 269-word essay is enough for Academic Writing Task 2. Going over 300 words means you are unable to concisely express your idea, and that isn’t encouraged in the IELTS exam.
Words: 269.
Task Response: 9
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion: 9
uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resource: 9
uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Another sample essay
The problem of ever-growing population has stroked as a global issue encountered by today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of population is the major threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest impact on the environment and the wellbeing of the human beings.
Population growth is reciprocal to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in effectiveness of control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills which are easy to use, but less efficient and that result in increased birth rates and available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase life span.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased population demands for increase housing, employments and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery and fertile lands turned to be industrial areas that in turn lead to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to ecosystem.
(Written by Susa Dhakal)
Corrected Essay
The problem of an ever-growing population has stroked raised as a global issue encountered by for today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of the population is the major greatest threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest major impact on the environment and the wellbeing well-being of the human beings.
Avoid overusing passive voice. “An issue for someone” is much natural than “an issue encountered by someone”
Redundant language. If you have used “due to”, then you don’t need to add “the reasons for”.
When being asked “do you agree that it is the GREATEST problem?”, you are required to include a superlative adjective in your answer. So “the major threat” doesn’t work here.
Population growth is reciprocal related to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in the effectiveness of birth control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills, which are easy to use, but less efficient, and that result in increased birth rates. and Furthermore, available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase longer life span spans.
The topic sentence here is not coherent with the main theme of the essay. Since the author has stated in the conclusion that longer life span is a cause of overpopulation, he should include it in the topic sentence of this body paragraph too.
“Reciprocal” means “given, felt, or done in return”. The correct collocation in this case is “to be related to”, not “to be reciprocal to”.
“There are many cases.” Which cases, then? The author are required to provide some examples after using that phrase. I would suggest him delete that sentence completely since his essay is too lengthy.
The last sentence is too lengthy and incohesive. Should have broken it down into two sentences. Not to mention that the author forgot to put a comma after the relative pronoun “which”, which makes it really hard to read.
The author spends most of his Body Paragraph 1 for supporting the argument of “inefficient birth control leads to overpopulation. His other argument about longer life span is nearly overlooked. Poor coherence here.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased increasing population demands demand for increase more housing development, employments, and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery verdant and fertile lands, which turned changes those areas to be industrial areas, that in turn lead leads to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
The author uses each body paragraph to address each topic question. Good thinking.
If the essay question requires you to address if “the problem of X is the most dangerous threat to humanity”, it implies that you should compare the effect of X (overpopulation, in this case) on humanity to that of Y and Z (nuclear war and environmental pollution, for example).
However, the author has not make any comparison. A possible approach is to say that “overpopoulation is the root of other serious issues such as environmental pollution and high unemployment”. The root of other problems is usually the most dangerous one.
“The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities.” But how? The author needs to proof it with evidence.
“In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.” This sentence fails to support the argument in the previous sentence (“An increasing poulation demand for…”) The author could remove it since his essay is pretty lengthy anyway.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to the ecosystem.
This conclusion does not fully address the topic question. The author should have been written that overpopulation is the GREATEST threat, however, he only said that it is a “serious” issue (much weaker).
325 words is too much for an Task 2 essay. If you write less than this, then you will have time to double-check your grammatical mistakes.
(Words: 325)
.
Overall: 6.0
Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
If you want to practice more about writing Task 2, you can join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/351029818650829/
Bình luận
The diagram below depicts the structure of a neuron and explains the way in which it works.
Overall, it consists of six main elements, each of them performing its own function.
Like any other cell, a neuron has a body, which is called soma. It is also made up of dendrites that look like roots branching out from the main body. Each neuron has one main myelin-covered axon stretching from the cell and forming terminal buttons that consist of many branches with little swellings in the ends. Furthermore, each axon contains action potential, a special electrical signal travelling from the cell to the terminal buttons.
As can be seen, each part of the neuron plays its own role in the organism. While dendrites receive signals from other cells, axons forward these messages to other neurons, glands or muscles. They perform this part of the communication process using action potential. It should also be noted that each exon is covered with a substance, called myelin, which accelerates the passing of neural impulses. Finally, terminal buttons at the end of each axon perform the function of forming junctions with other cells.
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can someone rate my writing task 1? thanks in advance.
The flowchart depicts how does a neuron work and what are its parts.
Overall, a neuron has seven components, starting with the cell body and finishing with Terminal buttons. The main purpose of the cell is to receive messages and pass them away to other neurons, glands and muscles.
The main component of a neuron cell is the Cell body, which is its soma. The messages from other cells are received by the Dendrites and passed away from to other neurons, muscles or glands by the Axon. This whole process is supported by the Action potential, which it is an electrical signal travelling down the Axon.
The Myelin Sheath is in charge of covering the messages of some neurons and helping speed neural impulses. Consequently, the information arrives in the last component of a neuron, Terminal buttons. They form junctions with other cells and finishes the main purpose of a neuron.
The information regarding the components of a neuron and how it works is depicted by the rendered diagram.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is crystal clear that there are seven pieces in the neuron system and various steps in the working system.
To begin with the components, the cell body is in a circular form and is situated in the cell. On the outer side of the cell body, there are dendrites, and its work to receive massages from other cells and it is also attached with other neurons. Additionally, axon is a capsule like structure that is situated in the action potential, and its work to pass messages from the cell body to other neurons, muscles, or glands.
Shifting attention towards the rest of the information, the myelin sheath, which covers the axon of some neurons and helps speed neural impulses. Moreover, there are five myelin sheaths, which are called action potentials. The last component is terminal buttons, which forms junction with other cells.
A neuron is the fundamental unit of the nervous system. The function of a neuron is to send and receive neural impulses.It comprises of dendrites, cell body and axon. The cell body or soma have multiple projections knowns as dendrites and a single tail-like extension called the axon. Dendrites essentially receive messages/signals from other cells. These signals are passed on to the axon via the cell body. These signals then travel down the axon through action potentials. The axon of some neurons are covered by myelin sheath which speeds up the transmission of signals. At the end of a neuron, the terminal buttons form junctions with dendrites of neighbouring cells, thereby, relaying the message to other neurons, muscle or glands.
PLEASE COMMENTTTTT THANK YOU !!!
In today’s modern era, the increasing population of senior citizens are required to be closely taken care of within society due to the advancements in the medical industry. In my opinion, I believe that the world will have a hard time managing the vast numbers of elderly folks today due to lack of manpower in healthcare that no technology can replace for daily basic activities. Consequently, governments of different nations should consider constructing more well-equipped foster homes to help minimise this issue.
It is undeniable that the healthcare industry is lacking manpower. This is because the younger generations find studying medicine too time-consuming, and not many people can commit to 5 years of medical studies or even longer. Young adults would rather work in the retail e-commerce industry which helps money to grow faster. To illustrate this, nurses are needed to help shower or clean the body waste of incapable elderly citizens, no advanced technology can help to do this daily essential activity. As a result, elderly people are neglected because they are hard to manage and no one wants to take up this tough manual job.
Based on my recommendation, the solution to manage this issue is by raising the numbers of proper and well-equipped old folks' homes to help manage the growing population of the elderly. Government should send a good amount of pension for each home to ensure there is sufficient food and necessities needed for the elderly.
In conclusion, despite healthcare improvements in the world, it is still hard to manage the rising growth of senior citizens because of the lack of labour force in the medical industry. To improve this situation, governments need to take into consideration by building more well-equipped old folks’ home within the country and providing pension to them.
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Anyone give your opinion on my Task 1 and Task 2 writings please. I hope that I have given the right response on Task 2. Anyone define that !
Task 1
The diagram below depicts a structure of neuron. It can be seen that there are five main components of neuron. Each of them has its own functions. A neuron, as other cells, has a soma which, is a cell body at the same time. There are small fibres on the some which are called dendrites. Their main function is to receive messages from other cells. Also, there is a large fibre named the axon, this part of the neuron transmits messages to other cells. The axon has little bulbs at its end called terminal buttons. They create connections between two cells, and terminal buttons help the axon to transmit signal from one cell to another. The last part of neuron depicted is the myelin shealth. The main function of this part of the neuron is to speed up neural impulses and to cover the axon. Additionaly, there is shown an action potential. It is not a part of the neuron. In fact, the action potential is an electrical signal that always travels down the axon.
Task 2
Over the last few decades, medical services have improved. Because of the developments, there are more elderly people than ever before. Due to this increase society have to cope with them and help as much as possible.
Firstly, it is very important to help them because they are the same people as we are, but due to their age they have less physical possibilities. Because of the increasing number of elderly people , more facilities for them have to appear. It is very important for people not to forget those ones who are older.
Im my opinion, there are a few ways how people can cope with the sharp growth of number of pensioners. One possible solution is to develop and provide care homes for elderly people. Sending pensioners to care homes is very popular in developed countries , but, unfortunately,in developing countries it is not so popular and because of that a lot of elderly people have to stay. This leads to lack of communication and pensioners lose touch with a society.
The second way , how people can cope with the growth is to make pupils and students visit some hospitals and care house to conversate with pensioners. In my opinion , it will help elderly people to keep in touch with younger generation and because of that changes pensioners will feel less lonely. Despite, ways which were mentioned above young people do not have to forget about worthy medical care , with which every pensioner has to be supplied.
All after all, I can say that it is very important not to forget older generation and supply them with proper care all around the world. Unfortunately, a lot of elderly people do not have the proper level of medical care and other services but it has to be changed.
the diagram below depicts the structure of a neuron and explains the way in which it works. All in all, consider this component of the neurons has six main elements.
Soma is the cell body of neuron.it is also made up of dendrites.it look like roots branching out from the main body. firstly, receive messages from other cell is a dendrites responsibility. All elements have own duty to do. Secondary passages messages away from the cell body to other neurons, muscles, or glans which is Axon duty in the neuron system. Myelin sheath covers the axon of some neuron and helps speed neural impulses. Action potential assist to the electrical signal traveling down the axon. The information arrives last components in neurons, terminal button. they form junction with other cells and finished the main propose of neuron.
The diagram depicts the various components of a neuron such as soma, Dentrites, Axon, Myelin sheath, Terminal buttons and the detailed functions of the respective parts in the transmission of neural messages in a human body.
First, the dendrites receive messages from other neurons. Then, the signals are passed through the cell body(soma). Next, the signals are passed through a tubelike structure called Axon, which sends messages away from the cell body to the other neurons, muscles, or glands which is called Action potential. which is covered by a capsule shape sheaths called Myelin sheath which also helps speed neural impulses.
Finally, the electrical signals are passed on to Terminal buttons, which form junctions with other cells and pass on the signals to them. In this way, the human brain's signals are passed to the desired part of the body to respond to the different reflexes through millions of neurons.
Hi, I have written Task 1. Can someone review it ?
The chart illustrates the components of a neuron and how it functions. Overall, different components of a neuron work together to perform a specific task.
Looking at the figure, the cell body(soma) is located at one end, while the terminal buttons are at another end of a neuron. The root-like structure surrounding the cell body is known as dendrites. Dendrites act as a receiver that receives messages from other cells and passes the received message via Axon to other components of the neuron.
Axon connects the cell body with terminal buttons, and passes messages away from the cell body to other neurons, muscles, or glands. Myelin sheath protects the Axon and acts as a reactor, speeding neural impulses. The electrical signal or message traveling down (from the cell body to the terminal buttons) the axon is known as the action potential. At the end of the neuron are terminal buttons (root-like structures) forming junctions with other cells.
Can you rate my essay?
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Kindly review this answer
"The above diagram depicts the main components of the neuron and also provide details about the functioning of a neuron cell.
From the diagram its clearly evident that each neuron cell comprises of 4 main components, cell body called soma, dendrites, axon and terminal buttons.
The central part of the neuron is the cell body which is called soma. It is surrounded by the dendrites which appears like roots branching out from it. Cell body then connects to a tube like structure called Axon, which emerges out like branches at the end. Each of the branches has a circular round tip which is known as terminal button. The axon is shielded usually with a sheath called Myelin sheath.
Coming to the functioning of the neuron, the dendrites are responsible for receiving messages from other cells and passing it to Soma, action potential which is electrical signal in axon carries the message from the cell body through it, and the mylein sheath helps pacing the neural impulses. Finally the terminal buttons functions by forming the junctions with other cells."