International student exchange (Corrected essay)
Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?
WRITING TASK 2
Write about the following topic.
Some teachers think that international student exchange would be beneficial for all teenage school students.
Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
SAMPLE WRITING TASK 2
There is a common belief that international student exchange programs would bring benefits to all participants. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this projects, I believe that there are outweighed by the advantages.
On the one hand, there are several major drawbacks when teenagers go overseas. Firstly, those exchange programs cost a considerable amount of money, which a handful of students may be inaccessible. For example, students who come from developing countries would find difficult to apply student exchange programs in industrial nations because of the financial burden. Secondly, even with preparation and knowledge about the new environment, adolescents could still experience culture shock, which can affect them in different ways. Another potential drawback is health issues that can occur during the stay in a foreign country.
On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this notion is that international visitors would have a shinier resume which is valuable for them in the years to come. By working in foreign organizations, they will gain many practical experience that make their profile more competitive. Another reason is that teenagers would have a chance to experience culture exchange. This broaden their mind, and also helps them make new friends for a lifetime. Additionally, after finishing the program, overseas students tend to obtain more opportunities to find good jobs because they have a strong network of friends.
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of international student exchange programs are more significant than the disadvantages.
(Band 6.0)
Corrected Writing Task 2
There is a common belief that international student exchange programs would bring benefits to all participants. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this projectsthose programs’ disadvantages, I believe that there they are outweighed by cannot undermine the advantages.
Avoid using adjectives or adverbs that show high levels of certainty, such as “obvious” or “evidently”.
The word “outweigh” is already used in the topic question. “The disadvantage undermines the advantage” is a good collocation.
On the one hand, there are several major drawbacks when teenagers go overseas. Firstly, those exchange programs cost a considerable amount of money, which a handful of students may be inaccessible the expensiveness of various exchange programs makes them inaccessible to many students. For example, students who come from developing countries would find difficult to apply student exchange programs in industrial nations because of the financial burden difference in living standards between nations. Secondly, even with preparation and knowledge about the new environment, adolescents could still experience culture shock, which can affect them in different ways. Another potential drawback is health issues that can occur during the stay in a foreign country Health issues occur during the stay in a foreign country is another common problem among exchange students.
While joining two sentence clauses into one sentence by using “which” is a good strategy in the Speaking test, it isn’t necessarily effective in writing contexts. Try to change the original complex sentence into a short, simple sentence.
The third sentence in Paragraph 1 is kinda unclear and redundant. The idea of “financial burden” is already expressed in the previous sentence.
“Different ways?” Which ways are you referring here? Try to explain it more to make the paragraph longer and more cohesive.
Try to use the connectives (firstly, secondly, another…) more skillfully. If you keep putting a connective at the start of a sentence, then your writing can be very dull. I advise you to change the structure of the last sentence to make the connective (“another”) appear in the middle of the sentence instead of at the beginning.
On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such aforementioned disadvantages. One reason for this notion is that international visitors students would have a shinier attractive resume which is valuable for them in the years to come. By working in foreign organizations, they will gain many practical experience that make their profile more competitive. Another reason is that teenagers would have a chance to experience culture exchange cultural diversity. This broaden broadens their mind, and also helps them make new friends for a lifetime. Additionally, after finishing the program, overseas students tend to obtain more opportunities to find good jobs because they have a strong network of friends wide social circle.
“such “ is an informal word. Use “aforementioned” instead.
“An international visitor” means “a tourist”, not “an international student”.
“Shiny resume” isn’t a collocation, “attractive resume” is.
“Experience” is an uncountable noun, so don’t use “many” here.
You don’t make a “lifetime” friend that easily.
In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of international student exchange programs are more significant than the disadvantages.
The above conclusion is unconvincing and too short. Either you write one more sentence, or remove the part “would argue that”.
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Words: 252
While it’s okay to write a 252 words essay in a real test, try to write longer when you are at home. You should write approx 270 words, so even after you have trimmed some redundant words, your essay still have more than 250 words.
Overall score: 6.0
Task Achievement: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others.
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive (your conclusion is just a paraphrase of Paragraph 2’s first sentence)
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear (the part “which can affect them in different ways” is clearly an undeveloped sentence clause)
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✗ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout. (the ideas in each paragraph aren’t listed in a coherent way)
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/overuse. (on the one hand, on the other hand; firstly, secondly, another, one reason, another reason, additionally)
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph.
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task (overseas, financial burden, culture shocḳ)
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy (broaden the mind, to experience cultural diversity)
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms.
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
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OTHER SAMPLE WRITING TASK 2
In my opinion, that sounds cool to have a new friend in my classroom especially the foreigner. The exchange students from the other countries confront with the another people and places. There are many differences between host countries and newcomer countries including language, accent, foods, custom, law, culture, and also people ,Yet it would be a good thing for learning these difference from the friends. We could share the story what we do in daily life or a point of view in any topics such the football world cup matches, the president of U.S. speech or the brand new movies release. It is a chance to learn about living adaptation and communication skills, Besides travelling guide experience when you lead your friends to journey the local attraction is significantly exciting.
On the other hand, attending the new people, For some people it is hard situation to compromise with the newcomers. However, time can relieve the distance and harmonise the relationship. The racism is still patent in some countries, It is like the burden to have a connection among the classroom. Therefore, the teacher plays a key role in mediator to prevent the problem if not the unwanted situation may occur.
In conclusion, the exchange student has a lot of advantage in almost cases. The opportunities to interact with the foreigner make a lesson to adapt yourselves and gain life experience along with the new friends. The experience makes you stronger and worldliness. None the less, There are only some case having problem about racism that is the sensitive difficulty.
(Written by ณัช เกษม)
(Band 4.5)
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Below is the corrected essay
In my opinion, that sounds cool to have a new friend in my classroom especially the foreigner. The exchange students from the other countries confront with the another people and places. There are many differences between the host countries local people and the newcomer countries foreigner including language, accent, foods, custom, law, culture, and also people. ,Yet, it would be a good thing for learning to learn these difference from the friends. We could share the story what we do in daily life or a point of view in any topics such the football world cup matches, the president of U.S.’ speech or the brand new movies release release of a brand new movie. It is a chance to learn about living adaptation and communication skills,. Besides, travelling guide experience when you lead your friends to journey the local attraction is significantly exciting having a local friend along when traveling as a foreigner is exciting and reassuring.
Next time, try to separate the introduction from the firsty body paragraph. By missing a clear introduction, you will lower your Task Response grading a lot.
The first sentence is not only informal (“that sounds cool”) but also does not directly answer the topic question. If you write “a new friend in my classroom especially the foreigner”, the reader may think that your essay’s main focus is just “a new classmate” in general, not a “foreign” one.
The second sentence is very unclear. Try to join the first and the second sentence into one only.
While South East Asia languages are topic-prominent (the grammar isn’t important, but the topic behind the sentence is), English is much more rigid in terms of grammatical structure. In case of your third sentence, what you are talking about is not the different between two countries, but that of the people of two countries.
The correct idiom here is not “something for doing”, but rather “something to do/to be done”
Your last sentence sounds ungrammatical and foreign to a English speaker.
There are many punctuation mistakes presented.
On the other hand, attending regarding of the new people appearance of foreigners, For for some people, it is a hard situation when you have to compromise with the newcomers. However, time can relieve the distance and harmonise the relationship with time, the cultural barrier will be reduce. The racism is still patent prevalent in some countries, It it is like the a burden to have a connection be overcomed among in the classroom. Therefore, the teacher plays a key role in mediator to prevent the problem if not the a unwanted situation may occur.
I guess that you often misuse “a/the” since there is no article words in Thai. But that is something you must overcome.
Pay attention to collocations. English native speakers don’t use word pairs like “relieve the distance”. “To harmonise the relationship” is fine, but I am doubt it should be use in this context.
In conclusion, the exchange student has having a foreign exchange student in the classroom brings out a lot of advantage in almost cases. The opportunities to interact with the foreigner make a lesson provide a chance to adapt yourselves and gain life experience, along with the new friends. The experience makes you stronger and worldliness more mature. None the less Nonetheless, There there are only some cases having problem about when racism that is the sensitive difficulty obstacle.
Stay faithful to the topic question. Since the question here is “can all the students, both the foreign and the native ones, reap benefit?”, you must address it in your conclusion.
Using “worldliness” here is very unnatural. First, “worldliness” is a noun, not an adjective, so it cannot go along with “strong”. Second, it is a vague word when being taken out from the context. I suggest you use something like “mature”.
To strengthen your conclusion, don’t put the oppose idea at the end. Instead, put in at the beginning, then affirm your opinion as a contrast.
Words: 258
Overall: 4.5
Task Response: 4
✓ responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential; the format may be inappropriate (failing to separate the introduction and the first body paragraph lowers your band score here from 5 to 4)
✓ presents a position but this is unclear (due to the unclear conclusion)
✓ presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported
Coherence and Cohesion: 5
✓ presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression
✗ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices (The writer has used some common connectives. Could reach a 6 score next time.)
✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution
✓ may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
Lexical Resource: 5
✓ uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task
✓ may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4
✓ uses only a very limited range of structures with only rare use of subordinate clauses (there is no formal, academic sentence; the essay looks like an informal speech)
✓ some structures are accurate but errors predominate, and punctuation is often faulty (many punctuation faults are presented)
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
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The give chart provides Information about the amount of waste produced by company A, company B and company C from 2000 to 2015.
It can be clearly seen that the amount of waste in company C increased while the amount of waste in company A decreased throughout the period.
Looking at the grap in more details, the amount of waste in company A declined moderately to about 9 between 2000 and 2010. There was a slight drop in this at about 8 in 2015. The amount of waste in company B went up sharply from around 8.5 to 10 over the following five years. The company B experienced significant decrease to 3 in 2020.
According the line graph, there was a steep growth in the amount of waste in company C at approximately 6 over a period of 5 years. In the year 2010, company C witnessed minimal rise at nearly 7. This grew markedly to almost 10 between 2010 to 2015.
The three pie charts below show the change in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.
The graphs illustrates the change for a United Kingdom school in the three years in 1981, 1982, and 1983.
Overall, we can clearly observe that over the period expenditure most in staff salaries. However, furniture as well as equipment increased rapidly and drops expenditure on things such as books and workers salaries.
In the three years, the greatest expenditure was on staff salaries,but while other workers salaries say a fall from 28% in 1981 to only 15% in 2001 . In the three years teachers pay demand the biggest cost reaching 50% total spending in 1991 and ending 45% in 2001.
Expenditure on resources like furniture as well as equipment to 15% by 1981 which increased dramatically to 23 percentage in ending years. Nevertheless, books was 20 proportion in 1991, which significant fall in 2001 from 9 %. The total spending of insurance rose minimally over the period.
More and more people start to succumb for drugs. What the causes of this phenomenon? Gave your solutions for this factor.
On the last time in various countries consuming the drugs becoming increasingly common among youth and adults. In this essay I will try to release the causes of this factor and present some remedies. First of all, it should be noted that approximately whole problems are cause by older generation. They convey misbehavior in form of that they experience necessary feelings to consume smoking either drinking that gradually switch to addiction and based on this younger generation see the pattern after which they succumb to try all of these mentioned above stuffs. Second reason may liie on the TV series, particularly in series such friends or euphoria where drugs mentioned not in less measure. Eventually, the plight retain also in the surrounding of humankind that force to them try such things like drugs to be able fight setbacks in their life individuals believe in refusing from them from this way. I consider the way out of these problems especially lies on the family side. They should have sense of responsibility when they show negative impacts for their children, take care about child mental statement to avoid of such events in the future life. second not less paramount solution is preventing the various illustrations about drugs in the movies that deteriorate right minds of individuals. Certainly people can not influence to fix others, however to beginning with they should to rise to the right way themselves after that no one can be the initiator for your businesses. Consequently, I infer humankind have a capacity to changing and transformation of their own life solely by rejection of the destroying things.
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time . Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, new technologies like smartphones, tablets and gaming consoles have become ubiquitous , even among children. As a result , the way children spend their leisure time has been drastically altered .While this change has brought about both benefits and drawbacks , I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, it is true that technology has its own downsides when it comes to kids. For instance, excessive screen time has been linked to poor sleep quality, impaired cognitive development , and increased risk of obesity. Children who spend too much time in front of screen may also find it too difficult to engage in other important activities such as sports, socializing with peers , and reading. Moreover, the internet can expose young people to inappropriate content, cyberbullying, and online predators.
On the other hand, there are several advantages to children spending their free time on technology. First and foremost, the use of technology devices can help develop crucial skills such as problem solving, critical thinking, and digital literacy . Many educational apps , games , and videos are available , which can enhance learning and encourage creativity. Additionally, technology provides an opportunity for social connection through online gaming communities, video chatting , and social media platforms. In today's world , where virtual communication has become increasingly important , technology enables children to stay in touch with friends and family who live far away.
In conclusion, while technology has some negative impacts on children's leisure time, its benefits outweigh its drawbacks. As long as parents monitor their children's screen time and ensure they engage in variety of activities , technology can be valuable tool for learning and socializing . Therefore , it is essential for parents and educators to embrace new technologies and encourage their responsible use among children.
Nowadays,more and more technical advertisements are spread around every place all over the world. Due to these developed technologies, most of the companies can advertise their products easier than before. I definitely agree to this point that advertising plays as a crucial role in our social lives.
If we were back to 19th century, not many advertisements were not known much and not as popular as in current time. Take us for example,
the advertisements in that time was very simple such as using only the cartoons charactors,
just encoding the main points for the products and using long theme songs for one advertisements. In the contrary, these ways could not be affected obviously to attract the people's mind to purchase their products. Why it could not be succeeded is that there were few houses owned the televisions for watching such kinds of advertisements.
Compared with such that time, today's system of advertisements are huge different dramatically. For example, the ways of advertisements are not conventional since many websites and social networks are influenced among the people's daliy life.The first point is everything can be chose and purchased smoothly with one touch on screen. Thousands of companies strive to get the high selling targets as much as they can by inserting their ads in social medias, creation their own pages and attracting with more or less amount of giveaways for subscribing their pages. Furthermore, advertising with the top celebrities is one of the ways to penetrate the marketing network. Seventy percents of people obsess about famous top stars so that the advertisements with them are able to influence the people's mind to buy the products which they advertise.The main point is that we can save our precious time by ordering the things we need from home without wasting time and energy. How splendid it is!
Taking all into account, it is more convinced to be one of the top sellers due to these developed technologies such as social networks. May be it was hard to sell even one thing to the customer.
Nevertheless, there is nothing to worry about the new products to be in the hands of the cosumers.
Through many ages, all of the situations and circumstances are transmitted from time to time.
Today many individuals think that children's parents should put restriction on their watching TV and playing video games routine and they should spend more time for read books. I totally agree with this statement because TV and video games are not very useful for children and books on the other hand are highly important for their study.
To begin with playing video games and watching TV are not useful for children because they put bad affect on eyesight as they spend more time on TV and video games. When they watch TV and playing video games, then they do not take food properly and they do not do study properly.For example, in India most three children come from their school they start watching TV and play video games due to this they lost their interest in study.As a result in coma, they cannot complete their study in good grade and they can decrease their eyesight and cannot do work properly in the future.
However, these days books are provide more knowledge to children or any person. Books are very beneficial for children because books are decrease stress and gain knowledge of children. Many type of books such as:. Poetry books, comic books, knowledgeable books, and scientific books are available in the market or libraries . For example, in the foreign country, some children gave preference to read books,they are get knowledge and start their big business in teenage and early settled in their life. Resultantly coma, reading books are very knowledgeable rather than watching TV and playing video games because books provide a discipline and knowledge to children.
In conclusion, children should read books rather than watching TV and playing video games because reading books, give more knowledge to children and watching TV and playing video games are not useful, these waste their precious time. So they can't achieve their goal in their life. If children spend more time on watching TV and playing video games, parents should prevent from this bad habit.
nowadays, children spend their most of time for playing games and no enough time for physical activitiesCurrently, most of the children’s spending thier time in video play on mobile devices and also playing game on computers, because new generation, nowadays they interest in mobile games and aslo playing movies on tv its is not essential for students, so i disagree with that. on the other hand. students who spend their time on physical activities like they playing games on outside and they are mentally and physically fit because, physically activity is more better then spending time on mobile devices.
so,i disagree with that. In my opinion,children spend thier time in physical activities,moreover when they most of time in physical activities they are fully fit and thier health is aslo good.
As we know that, technology has increasing day by day and it has made our life too much easier and comfortable. However, many researchers says that in future all transportation vehicles will be automatic drive and when travelling inside these only passengers without driver. According to me, I think it has some cons and some pros so that before commitment on my opinion I will explain my thought in this essay.
First of all, driverless travelling is a good idea because people can easily reach on their destination without driving and they don’t have trouble in future. Moreover, nowadays many people used to cars, truck and public transportation like bus, so that traffic has also increased and people stuck in traffic jam. In this situation people have to face many difficulties while driving these vehicles but when it will become a driverless people will seat inside car and enjoy with friends and family and they also will not feel bored.
On the other side, it has many drawbacks for human beings such as, many people not interested in this offer because they are not take any risk while travelling in car, truck or buses without driver. Automatic transportation will become riskier for us especially for youngsters. They like to drive faster and with automatic they will want to travelling like a flying. In addition, In my country, many individuals earn money on the basis driving. Therefore, if it become driverless they lost their earring platform.
In conclusion, I believe that it’s disadvantage of driverless vehicles outweigh the advantages because it’s become a riskier and people have to chances to lost their job as a driver.
In this contemporary epoch, it is vehemently true that the extreme amount of traffic have been created difficulties in not only few cities but in globe. The impending paragraphs intends to give a brief explanation of notions along with my personal whim.
Commencing with the paragraph, it reckons that due to extreme traffic jam the utter hustle and bustle have been created on paths. Ironically, it causes a lot of pollution in all over world. Firstly, a huge proportion of chronic disease have became a part of this reason. For instance, health organization inculcate that 85% of fetal disease are occuring due to the pollution cause by traffic. Moreover, accidents is the second major hardship for citizens. There are countless individuals who have lost there kith and kins in road accidents. However, most of the cases happens only because of the huge disturbance or traffic on the main roads and highways.
To conclude, it is a vital problem for all over world . So, individuals should be cooperative and should also give their support in controlling it. In addition to it, if more quicker Government will take these initiative steps than more rapidly the problems and hardships faced by traffic jam will fade.
How can i get my writing part valued?