The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
This is a two-part question essay. The first one is asking for the cause of overpopulation, the second one is asking for your opinion.
If you want to disagree with the topic question statement, you have to write 3 paragraphs:
Body 1: The cause of overpopulation
Body 2: The effect of overpopulation on human society
Body 3: Over population is not detrimental as, for example, climate change.
If you remove the above Body 2, then the essay’s coherence will be lost. There will be no clear connect between Body 1 and Body 3.
Model Essay
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change.
A concise introduction. The first sentence both acknowledges the general statement in the topic question and explain the cause of population rise. The second one provides an opinion from the author.
To make good use of emphasis in Writing, place the most important keywords at the beginning and/or the end of your sentences.
A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7.5 billion.
K-3 words in the Body 1: coincides, consequently, craft, gradually, majority, revolution.
Good use of cohesion. The author starts with the cohesive device “since”, then “thus”, then “this situation”, and last “consequently”.
In the phrase “7.5 billion (people)”, the word “billion” is in singular form.
The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas.
The author has remembered to start every paragraph with a topic sentence.
Good collocations here: resource depletion, environmental degradation.
Good use of sentence structuring. In the phrase “Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas”, “unemployment” is the effect, and “a densely populated area” is the cause. But in the previous sentence, the cause (“overpopulation”) is placed in front of the effect (“overconsumption”).
However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality.
Good use of contrasting language: does not happen on a global scale vs around the world.
The author has provided evidences for supporting his view.
“From an environmental perspective, …” supports the idea of “ecosystems are affected by climate change”
“... which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate …” supports the idea of “social systems are affected by climate change”
Overall, the author has used many academic words in his essay, precisely and appropriately.
To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
A simple and concise conclusion. You can end your essay with a 1-sentence conclusion, but 2 is better in this case.
A 269-word essay is enough for Academic Writing Task 2. Going over 300 words means you are unable to concisely express your idea, and that isn’t encouraged in the IELTS exam.
Words: 269.
Task Response: 9
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion: 9
uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resource: 9
uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Another sample essay
The problem of ever-growing population has stroked as a global issue encountered by today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of population is the major threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest impact on the environment and the wellbeing of the human beings.
Population growth is reciprocal to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in effectiveness of control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills which are easy to use, but less efficient and that result in increased birth rates and available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase life span.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased population demands for increase housing, employments and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery and fertile lands turned to be industrial areas that in turn lead to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to ecosystem.
(Written by Susa Dhakal)
Corrected Essay
The problem of an ever-growing population has stroked raised as a global issue encountered by for today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of the population is the major greatest threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest major impact on the environment and the wellbeing well-being of the human beings.
Avoid overusing passive voice. “An issue for someone” is much natural than “an issue encountered by someone”
Redundant language. If you have used “due to”, then you don’t need to add “the reasons for”.
When being asked “do you agree that it is the GREATEST problem?”, you are required to include a superlative adjective in your answer. So “the major threat” doesn’t work here.
Population growth is reciprocal related to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in the effectiveness of birth control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills, which are easy to use, but less efficient, and that result in increased birth rates. and Furthermore, available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase longer life span spans.
The topic sentence here is not coherent with the main theme of the essay. Since the author has stated in the conclusion that longer life span is a cause of overpopulation, he should include it in the topic sentence of this body paragraph too.
“Reciprocal” means “given, felt, or done in return”. The correct collocation in this case is “to be related to”, not “to be reciprocal to”.
“There are many cases.” Which cases, then? The author are required to provide some examples after using that phrase. I would suggest him delete that sentence completely since his essay is too lengthy.
The last sentence is too lengthy and incohesive. Should have broken it down into two sentences. Not to mention that the author forgot to put a comma after the relative pronoun “which”, which makes it really hard to read.
The author spends most of his Body Paragraph 1 for supporting the argument of “inefficient birth control leads to overpopulation. His other argument about longer life span is nearly overlooked. Poor coherence here.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased increasing population demands demand for increase more housing development, employments, and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery verdant and fertile lands, which turned changes those areas to be industrial areas, that in turn lead leads to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
The author uses each body paragraph to address each topic question. Good thinking.
If the essay question requires you to address if “the problem of X is the most dangerous threat to humanity”, it implies that you should compare the effect of X (overpopulation, in this case) on humanity to that of Y and Z (nuclear war and environmental pollution, for example).
However, the author has not make any comparison. A possible approach is to say that “overpopoulation is the root of other serious issues such as environmental pollution and high unemployment”. The root of other problems is usually the most dangerous one.
“The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities.” But how? The author needs to proof it with evidence.
“In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.” This sentence fails to support the argument in the previous sentence (“An increasing poulation demand for…”) The author could remove it since his essay is pretty lengthy anyway.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to the ecosystem.
This conclusion does not fully address the topic question. The author should have been written that overpopulation is the GREATEST threat, however, he only said that it is a “serious” issue (much weaker).
325 words is too much for an Task 2 essay. If you write less than this, then you will have time to double-check your grammatical mistakes.
(Words: 325)
.
Overall: 6.0
Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
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Please give me some feedback for my essay. Thank you for your helping.
TASK 1
This is a report of a flow chart that displays the effect of deforestation or forest's clear cutting, which consists of four different consequences.
The first effect of clear-cutting in a forest is soil compressed due to the heavy logging equipment. Flooding was happened because of the soil becomes hard therefore the rainwater runs off. Other three consequences cause less biodiversity. This happened due to the lack of vegetation because the pioneer species were already moved. Vegetation was degraded since three different ways happened. Firstly, he topsoil erodes caused by fewer roots hold in. Secondly, the drought was rose as a result of less precipitation led by less moisture returned by the plant to the air. Lastly, the lost of micro-organisms. Once the risk of burning was growth, no matter accidentally or deliberately, waste wood from logging process will be destroyed. Hence, the micro-organisms feeding on waste, obviously, will be lost.
TASK 2
Communication with others is one of the essential things to make a decision in workplaces. However, several workplaces said that online communication is finding more general than face-to-face.
On the one hand, the online meeting has many advantages, especially in these situations due to the pandemic. Since the quarantine was announced in many nations, work from home became a new habit. The online conference is a norm, recently. However, although we permit to work from an office, workplaces still adjusted work from home rule due to its practicability. Since it held by an online platform, companies also employees will spend less-money. Employees did not need to spend their money on transport and companies did not need to provide consumption and hard-copy of the meeting session. Moreover, in my view, online communication might be caught more relations from over the world.
On the other hand, disadvantages always exist. The first one is a misinterpretation. When we communicate to others by an online platform, the mood of someone unrecognized, therefore, the true meaning is sometimes not conveyed, especially by phone. Moreover, the lack of signal was a serious problem. Due to this, more time are needed and became ineffective for a long time. Moreover, we need to limit the online meeting because in my opinion as a human it was stressful in a long time and not a few who feel desperate.
In short, as far as I am concerned, by taking into account the advantages and disadvantages, online meeting in a workplace more effective than a face-to-face meeting. However, we still need to do face-to-face method to communicate with others for refreshing.
The given flow chart illustrates the possible outcome of clear cutting of forests.
Overall, it is clear that when deforestaion takes place it finally results in severe flooding as well as decline in biodiversity.
When forests logging starts, the heavy machinery used for it compresses the soil. The soil becomes hard and baked. The rain water can not seep through it, due to its compactness and it just runs off and results in flooding.
Moreover, for forest clearing burning is also sometimes used as a tool. The waste wood from logging is destroyed by putting it on fire. This results in loss of micro-organisms which feed on this waste. Due to such loss of micro-organisms, pioneer species move in which cause the degradation of vegetation and finally results in less diversity.
Furthermore, due to clear cutting, plants return less moisture to air which results in less precipitation and increased drought and cause the same degradation of vegetation by pioneer species and hence less biodiversity. The above step is also joined by the resultant top soil erosion, by fewer roots which hold the top soil because of deforestation.
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As human civilization enter the 20th century a new interaction method was introduced into our daily life, that is cell phone. It has changed our perception and our common sense on communication and brought a handful of advantages along with its downside. But nonetheless, I am certain that this device's potential definitely shine brighter than what it cost us.
First of all, there are many ways online communication can benefit our aspects in live. Nowaday, we can make an appointment literally at anytime, anywhere we currenly are. It is hard to spot anyone who does not have a working cell phone or a computer these days. Internet has also become a common concept along with 4G and 5G services are on the rise too online inteaction can never be easier.
Not only conversation is provided mimicking a normal face-to-face coonversation, online tools also equip us with powerful, fast effective method of sharing data and informations. Take Covid-19 for example. Without the help of modern technology especially online meeting apps, our world would have came to a complete stationary state. The most famous app might be zoom, not only used for pedagory purposes but works and events also heavily rely on this platform. In fact, hosting an event consist of a thousand peoples or above is more convenient than tradistional methods. But through this long devastating pandemic we realized how vital daily normal interactions are.
That brings us to my second point, that is disadvantages. It makes no sense to waste our effort to set up a date, a place for a metting while we can just discuss problems in an online metting after a few minutes of preparation. But as stated above, Covid-19 hit us hard and make us crave for a face-to-face conversation, we missed the handshakes, peoples' smiles. Online interactions can limit our social skills' normal development, ability to communicate fluently. It makes us lazy, shy and avoid what human supposed to do.
In conclusion, eye-to-eye interactions are crucial for our brain activities and functions but with the advantages online cummunication offered, we won't be able to resist the temptation. As scientist predicted, online communication's popularity will continue to flourish despite its limitations.
It is often argued that, digital communication in many working organizations has replaced the traditional way of meeting. Innovation nowadays, taking the people to the new and innovative ways to stay connected. I will elucidate my viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs.
First of all, due to the latest technology anyone can communicate any person living at any corner of the world. If we look at the current scenario, we are going through a deadly pandemic which made all of us to stay connected with each other through the virtual platform called `internet`. Although , it is productive in many ways as, it can save a lot of time of travelling and cost effective as well. That is why, in many working organizations people used to connect with each other through: google meet, zoom meet etc. Through which we can see them like we are talking to them physically.
Secondly, some of the work organization now making the permanently scenario of working from home and taking the online conference with the help of internet. For instance, my father is a sales manager nowadays he used to do his task and duties through his laptop from home which helps them to increase the productivity by managing the time. However, there are some drawbacks of this development , some of the managers and trainee are not able to give their employee the personal touch which is lacking in motivational and emotional aspects.
To sum up, I strongly believe that online communication is better because it is economical in many aspects. That is why it outweigh its advantages.
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PLEASE GIVE ME COMMENT
1.
The provided flow chart illustrates the effect of deforestation and overall, the typical consequences are flooding and the decrease of biodiversity.
Without forest or trees, the soil is heavily compressed by logging equipment and this leads to hard and ‘baked’ soil which will make the rain easily runs off. Flooding is formed from this soil condition.
In addition, deforestation also increase the risk of burning whether by deliberate or accidental, when the area burned, waste wood from logging will be destroyed. This will make a huge lost to micro-organisms which used to fed waste. From this, pioneer species move in and hence, the vegetation is degraged. There are two more consequences that resulted from cutting forest which are the decrease in roots hold the topsoil in and less moisture in the air given by trees. But these two phenomenons will eventually joined in the degradation stage. The final outcome from these consequences is the reduction of biodiversity.
2.
There are many people argue that virtual meeting is getting more and more popular than real life meeting in workplace. This statement has both advantages and drawbacks, so in this essay, I will analyze both sides of the opinion.
Firstly, the most significant advantage of online communication is time saving and convenience. With the development of technology, people are no longer have to travel a long distance to the meeting destination and also, in the extreme weather conditions or dangerous medical problems, it is safer to stay home and avoid direct contact with other people. In addition, when meeting online, people can save the moving time and use the time for different purposes, which means we can do more tasks and increase productivity.
However, there are a few major disadvantages when we communicate in such a long distance. The first is misunderstanding especially when exchanging ideas or tasks. Sometimes, the Internet connection can be unstable, which interterrupts the conversation and the it is really irritating when a team member is not able to follow the idea. Additionally, a sense of connection can not be developed between people in a virtual meeting, many workplace relationships are not able to grow because people tend to feel distancing when they are not given the chance to see each other in real life.
In general, from my perspective, meeting online in workplace can have great benefits in some situations, but there are many drawbacks exist along with the benefits. That is why meeting through the screen only effective in some circumstances and still the benefits are not enough to overweigh the drawbacks
Task 2
In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Since telephone microphone and speaker technology invented, human communication behavior changed totally. The technology produced internet technology in last decades and implemented into daily life such as essential information channel is today. Therefor.. online communication is bringing new opportunities with challenges.
Firstly, there are a lot of advantages for internet connection for personal/organisational productivity essence, for instance Skype, Microsoft Teams, Whatsapp applications and so on. Those applications make communication faster and on advanced level, as we know as video call, texting and audio call. World leading corporate companies could not proceed without online technology, due to enormous critic competition on business field. As regards everyday new technology creating and business advantages following it relentless.
Adversely, human essential feeling more less working through online communication, as we know as we cannot smell or feel the real circumstances with interacting person or object. Some people need to communicate on real communication and produce more reliable results. For example, some CEOs would prefer to talk face to face and make accountable deal/contact producing. Thereafter new communication facilities would not promote traditional communication skills.
In conclusion, I believe that modern life normal is online communication and new generation people look very adapted into it. Traditional communication is becoming more luxury and organic prescriptive of our life.
Task-2
In the busy world that we live today, the advent of modern technology has made work effortless and comfortable. In various workspaces, online interaction is becoming more prevalent. I admit that this scenario has more advantages than disadvantages.
To begin with, In most software companies and other booming businesses, online conversations are being used more frequently than ever before, this is solely due to the improved accessibility to the internet and appreciable advantages that online communication provides us. Firstly, time is considered to be the most precious aspect of an employee, which is valued in online meetups. Furthermore, it is comfortable and elementary for both parties. To illustrate, if a workman wants to brief his concept to his higher official from another branch, traveling all the way from his location to another consumes ample time, which is why they prefer meeting online, both work and time will be saved.
On the other hand, reduced person-to-person interaction can affect the work environment, the sense of togetherness might be off-tracked, and as a consequence, the work efficiency will not be as expected. In addition to this, complexities may arise if the notion is misunderstood when working online. For instance, Online work presentations, submissions are not as effective as in-person, the exposure to the context might get distracted. The sense of unity will be hindered when the person is not physically present.
To conclude, In this competitive situation, one has to adapt to the updated technology. Online communication is becoming more and more popular in work areas. In spite of a few disadvantages, off-person meetings have made the job unchallenging and highly feasible.
Task 1
Overall, clear cutting of forests is cruelty against mother nature as it contributes to a number of problem in our natural habitat. The flow chart shows a simplified walk through on how cutting trees leads to disasters.
First of all, flooding is the product of heavy logging equipment compressing the soils in the process of forest clear cutting, making the soils hard and “baked” as rain water runs off from it. Along the process of clear cutting the forests, fewer roots hold the top soil in, making the land easy to erode. Moreover, with the increased risk of fire, either deliberate or accidental, destroyed are the waste wood from logging which eventually causes micro-organisms to feed on lost waste. Furthermore, since plants are removed in the process, less moisture is then returned into the atmosphere, leading to a decrease in precipitation and causes increased drought. Top soil erosion, feeding of micro-organisms on waste lost, and drought, all become reason for pioneer species to move in, and vegetation being degraded. Moreover, this moves towards decline in biodiversity.
In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages
Online work has more advantages than disadvantages. Nowadays with the CORAVIRUS situation the world understand that is complete possible work in any place using the technologies and work as usual at home office. In my opinion, the works will be with more freedom. This freedom offer more confortable situation and gives more opportunity to be criative, inspire, and hard word. When you finish the day work you already Stay at home so you safe time with transition (take a bus or a driving a car).
Also onlinecomunication could be more easier and quickly and its possible to feel more confortable to organize some ideias and explain better wich more volume and intensity. If you understand how to organize your schedule and day work is more easier to work using this technologies and give some much approach.
The negattives point are relation just with I the way that you use. If you are not a conect person that like to use mobile and notebook and the software and apps could be more difficult to undersant and feel confortable with this kind of meeting. My sugestion is that this idea is not for to everyone
The flow chart illustrates the consequence of deforestation. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
Cutting forest has significant consequences for all the world. First situation after cut forest is change the soil that becomes more hard and dificult to grown plancts.The other consequence is the top of soil will be erodes and dry.
Also using the wood from florest that was cutting it could be very agressive for the planet especially for micro organisms. The micro organisms could lost there habitaty and the pioneers species will be degraded.
The last consequence it will be that plants return less moisture to air so It will be less preciptation and a increased drought.
Some important changes will be happen if we lost the forest so is very important to think in possibilities to safe the planet One suggestion is understand that we can change ours habbits and change some structures in the companies that could be more conscious with the planet