Are famous people treated unfairly by the media?
Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Original Essay:
Different people hold different point of view regarding the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities & I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.
Firstly, it should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone. For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about a Pakistani actress wearing western clothes & smoking with an Indian star; the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.
On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy. They are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.
Concluding, I want to say that line must be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need. It is not an acceptable trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.
(Written by Narmeen Habib)
Corrected Essay:
Different people hold different point of view regarding the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities & I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.
The first sentence, Different people hold different point of view regarding, is too generic, as majority students use this phrase in their introduction paragraph.
Also, the reason(s) to support your stand and position is little totally unclear. This is supposed to be specific. Do not leave any vague statement like light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults as this will score you lower.
Instead of using “&” to link the ideas, it is much better if you use “and” or any other cohesive devices.
Overall, the introduction should give readers a quick sampling of some features in the following body paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary phrases (see the second bullet) that bring the rest of the essay vaguely repetitive.
Firstly, it It should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone. For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly thoroughly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about around a Pakistani actress wearing in western clothes & smoking with an Indian star; the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities (a comma) and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.
The topic sentence in this paragraph is too general. It is suggested including the keywords from the prompt.
Nowadays is commonly used in an IELTS writing context. Try to find another expression.
Punctuation like semi-colon is too vague. It is always better if you could change this punctuation with an appropriate cohesive device.
On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy. They are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that claim that a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.
Try not to start with there is, as this phrase shows a weak sentence
The use of pronoun in this phrase Your privacy is lack of reference
they are of the opinion is counted as 5 words. Write they argue/ claim. Keep your sentence succinct and to the point
They lacks referencing in the second sentence
The third sentence, I … believes, shows a minor problem with subject-and-verb agreement
No evidence to support your claim is seen from this paragraph.
Concluding, In conclusion, I want to say that line must be is bound to be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need. It is not an acceptable a major trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.
Change concluding to In conclusion
Change must be to is bound to be as one of hedging phrases as to reduce the certainty of statement.
You are not allowed to present a new idea: privacy is our psychological need. Simply restate your main ideas. Showing a new one will lower your score.
The conclusion does not simply restate the main ideas of the thesis, but it should draw the implication and significance of the issue. Thus, leaving your personal view, like judgment or prediction, is needed
Words: 319
Overall: 6.5
● Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/ unclear
● Coherence and Cohesion: 6
× arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✓ uses paragraphing, but not always logically (lack of good supporting evidence for the argument)
● Lexical Resource: 7
✓ uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓ uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓ may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
● Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures (avoid + Ving: avoid invading)
✓ has produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
This essay is corrected by Eddy Suaib - IELTS Teacher at English Studio Kampung Inggris
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WRITING TASK 1
Dear Mr Tanvir,
Having worked under your supervision for more than 4 years, I have certainly learnt a great deal about our company and my roles as a product development team member. I am writing to show my appreciation and to seek your permission to work in our head office in Sydney, Australia.
Recently, I have come to know about a 6-month program, which is about to start in a few weeks at our company head office, focusing solely on “niche product development techniques” for new recruits. The program may have been designed for the new talents of our company, but I feel like a seasoned employee like me would also be able to benefit a lot from such initiative that doesn’t really come by every now and then.
I have already arranged for a couple of very talented interns to help our team. I have also requested other team members of my team to take the additional responsibilities in my absence, and they all agreed. Moreover, I will be able to communicate and help my team over the phone and emails whenever required.
Now, only if you are kind enough to take the lead in arranging a transfer to the head office by citing my reasons for it to the upper management, should I be able to join the program in due time.
Thank you for your help in advance.
Yours sincerely,
WRITING TASK 2
Many businesses have discovered that new employees often lack the communication skills. This can be attributed to an excessive focus on professional skills in college and a weak foundation in the language since childhood. These issues can be resolved through extensive reforms in the education system.
The primary focus of most colleges and universities is to train students for technical tasks. There are almost no teachers and courses in communication skills since these are considered irrelevant for engineers, accountants, and doctors. Consequently, many fresh graduates have no idea how to communicate with their colleagues. Moreover, the education system from elementary studies to university focus on science and mathematics as these subject are supposed to build careers. Languages, which for the core of communication skills, are considered mere necessary evils that need to be crammed. The students prefer to just pass the exams in English, French, German and Latin and are expected to excel in sciences. This creates a poor foundation for communication skills and most new employees find it impossible to talk to their teammates.
I think this issue can only be resolved through a radical restructuring of the education system. Boards of education, such as the CBSE in India, along with schools and teachers need to inform students and parents about the utility of communication in building strong careers. Moreover, the courses in literature should be made more interactive so that the students abandon the habit of cramming. This can be done through videos and role-plays. Colleges should allocate subjects dedicated to improving the speaking, writing, listening and reading skills of students. They should be encouraged to write letters, essays on contemporary topics.
In conclusion, the problem of poor communication skills has cropped up due to the extreme focus on technical skills and poor foundation in literature. This can be solved through the active collaboration of educational institutions, teachers, parents, and students.
Finding the perfect balance of technical and interpersonal skills are getting difficult these days. Though it is still easier to get people with excellent analytical or technical expertise but finding talent along with interpersonal skills, is a tough task. This essay will discuss the causes of the lack of interpersonal skills and possible solutions to it.
The problem arises when the employee is not passionate about the job he/she is doing. Firstly, it’s essential for an employee to feel the motivation towards the job he is doing, in today’s world, people treat their job as just the source of income. Even the fresh talent doesn’t have that zeal to pursue the career passionately, for them, the job is all about finishing the daily working hours for which they are being paid. Secondly, it also depends on the employers, what efforts they are putting in to motivate their employees. In most of the cases, employees are just bothered about their own business goals rather than thinking about employee benefits, rewards and recognition. In short, to expect better productivity both in terms of technical and interpersonal skills, both employee and employer need to put in equal efforts.
Value for money is decreasing day by day — the young generation demand for what additional an organisation can offer apart from the handsome pay package. The first solution to the problem is to have a proper team building programmes introduced by the human resources department that may involve team outings and team activities to enhance the interpersonal skills of an individual. Studies show that 80% of employee feel more engaged with their work when they have a robust social network in the workplace. The second solution to motivate an employee is to introduce different rewards and recognitions on a different level of employment that can only be achieved via team activities. By doing this, the employer will be able to force their people to develop strong interpersonal skill.
This essay discussed both the causes and solutions of a lack of interpersonal skills in employees. A delicate balance between both the skills can take any organisation to the zenith.
Dear Sandeep,
I have been working as a Sales Capability Manager with Mars Pvt. Ltd since 5 years and, it has been a great learning experience under your supervision.
Recently, I check on our company portal that there is a 6 months project being launched next month on Route To Market expansion at our Head office in Mclean USA. As you are aware, I am looking for a role change and this project will help build my capabilities for my next move.
I have aligned my Peer team members for their help to get my work done, also I will carry my laptop and work remotely. Trust work will not be impacted. Need your help in getting me enrolled for this project.
Thanks
Now a days employers find plenty of fresh employees lack essential abilities and cooperation to work with the team .I believe this process is led my lack of education and incomplete hiring process .This gap can be tackle by academic course and altering hiring standards.
To begin with countless workers lack of ability to work with each others which is cause by school only focusing on academic oriented environment ,As school deprive their chances to learn team work with their class mates .For example when I was in school teachers advice us concentrate only on achievements and do not waste time any thing else. Moreover another factors employers hiring process is depend on employees their grades marks in university. Therefore the education systems and hiring procedure to bring this issue force pupils to pay massive attention to learning books knowledge.
Furthermore to solve this issue to start extracurricular activities in schools for example painting ,dancing ,sports make students to learn basic skills meaning that require team sprit to taking part in activities .For instance taking part in leadership games and public speeches make them confidence and raise leadership quality skills and also improve relationship with team mates and colleague.
The fact is business use different methods to select candidates enquire work experiments as it makes candidates not only focus on books .Thus altering the minority of part from the school system of business hiring process make huge change in new employees.
To summarize due to inadequate educational structure and unsuitable evaluation of new workers ,they lack essentials skills of cooperation .As it can be tackle by improving extracurricular activities and amending the assessment of new employee.
Dear Sir /Madam
I am writing this letter to express interest to have training period of six month in United States head office.
To begin with let me explain to you I have just finished my Microsoft certification theory exam and would like to have practical experience and to get trained in server administration Hence I did some research on internet and it has come to my attention our main branch has ideal location to get training requirement done .
Therefore , I have kindly request you sir to grant permission to get training complete at our head office .Moreover it would be nice if you can arrange training requirements it will be ease to me to transfer the knowledge between our head office staff .
I have trained Mrs .Sameera to cover up my duties until I come back .In addition I will be in loop ,to have close contacts with my clients even though I am working in head office .
I would appreciate your immediate response to this letter and look forward to hearing from you .
your sincerely
Khalid
https://ieltsonlinetests.com/wot/result/writing-practice-test-1-994244
Can you confirm that these essays are worth not less than 7?
(your honest comments are very appreciated)
You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter:
explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months
say how your work could be done while you are away
ask for his/her help in arranging it,
You should write at least 150 words.
Dear Sir,
I am writing you this letter to inform you that I am requesting for a work transfer in one of the Head Offices, particularly, in Singapore as soon as possible. This may seem hard for me to move to another location because I have some hectic schedules and loaded meetings with our clients ,Unfortunately, I really need to depart temporarily for only six months due to personal reason.
My husband has been admitted in one of the Hospitals in City of Singapore and it would be likely that he is going stay there in a couple of months until he gets well. Very timely, our Headquarter is nearby the location and so if I render my work there for a half year, I may be able to take care of my husband and visit him in the hospital during my break time and after work.
Since I am away, I can still contact them through a video call to expedite the meeting in order avoid other work conflicts with our customers.
Would you kindly help me on how to settle my request in a shorter period of time as well as advise me what other things you require in order for my work transfer to be approved immediately.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely Yours,
MJ
Social skills are very important not only with friends or family you know, but it is also equally important to make you become a good leader toward your career. However, most of the young peoples are lacked communication skills and we will discuss the causes in this essay.
First of all, in this digital age of the internet, the technology has changed human’s communication method. Most of the young peoples prefer to communicate via technology and this ultimately caused on reducing the interaction within colleagues and friends.
Besides, neither education system in Malaysia nor parents usually pay less attention on the communication’s development of the children. Subjects such as public speaking, interpersonal skill and cooperative skills seldom teach in the schools, and this has caused the negative impacts on confident level among Childs in connection to social skills.
Technology devices should be used moderately, while over depending on technology to the daily life will seriously affected the relationship and miscommunication within peoples. By having physical meeting and increasing number of frequencies of meeting with all the staffs will help to improve these conditions. Some of the corporate even organise certain activities such team building to the staffs to improve the interaction among staffs and encourage communication within them.
Finally, parents and education system equally playing indispensable roles to help on improving young generations’ interpersonal skills. This can be done by providing related subjects as the compulsory to be learned in the school.
In conclusion, social skills are imperative to succeed in career, but this can be solved with time and practice just like others skill.
WRITING TASK 1
Dear Mr. X,
I have been working in your team for last 4 years as a Senior Software Engineer. Over the last 4 years I have learnt many aspects of developing highly scalable systems and you might know I am the only member in your team who passed problem solving certification exam conducted by company.
Yesterday I got an email regarding "Expert Problem Solver Training" sent from company HQ. This training will be started within few weeks and last for 6 months. Employees who are interested must have previous certifications to get a chance for this training and have to stay at company HQ located at Sydney, Australia for next 6 months. As I am eligible based their requirements I am seeking your help to move to HQ and start the training.
I have already informed my team members to take additional responsibilities while I stay abroad. Moreover my plan is to delegate some responsibilities to other team also. My team members agreed to do so. Besides I will support remotely in critical situations.
So, if you are kind enough to arrange my transfer to HQ for the training, it would provide much benefit for my career in this company. I am expecting you will request to upper management about me citing my previous certifications and my interest.
Regards,
Y
Nowadays many youngsters lack interpersonal skills and this has predominantly impacted few businesses. The reason for this may varu from person to person. Some of the reasons for this may be due to their upbringing, language trouble or a trauma that has affted them greatly.
The first reason may be attributed to their upbringing. Parents these days are opting for one child and are not available during their development stages. With many of them working and for late hours, leave their child to tend to itself. With the number of crimes increasing, most parents are not letting their children out in the open. Most of them are confined to the four walls of their homes. Children these days refuse to interact with others and this resonates to them turning into introverts. The second reason can be due to the language barrier. English is the most preferred langauge for bussiness operations. Most the the employeess may not be fluent in English and may develop some kind of a complex. The third reason may be due to a trauma that has wounded someone so deeply that they find it difficult to interact and have a basic conversation with people.
A possible solution would be for schools to include a couple of interpersonal skills in their syllabus. Teachers should be able to identify a child who is finding difficulty in communicating and provide necessary support. Schools should also give assignments which invloves interacting with people. Regular counselling is another way to help identify if there is any problem with the child. Many offices these day also have counsellors who can provide guidance. Companies have mandatory trainings that the employees should partake. Skill development should be made mandatory. Companies can also invite achievers in various field and have them talk about their experience which might help someone. Motivational speeches are said to be effective and might help improve their overall outlook.
The above solutions can be considered to improve communication skills.
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Various organisations analyse that their neophyte workers are deficient with very basic social values those are fundamental to be a good human. These primary virtues defined as milestone for a successful business and better environment. This essay will first discuss diverse causes and then look at most viable solutions to mitigate with this complication.
To initialise with, materialistic approach is the diminishing factor contributing to selfishness irrespective of others situation even when your desire is somebody’s need. Additionally, less socialising activities because of much absorption in technological gadgets and online virtual friends contribute to shortening of moral codes those must for progressive society. Therefore, an attitude of looking own benefits and getting promotions by pressing other’s shoulders is referred as a new cooperative skill by newcomers.
To eradicate this problem from workplaces, the small but necessary steps should be undertaken from the early age of schooling by involving adolescent in different extra-curriculum activities that keep their basic skills of cooperation and teamwork under vigilance. Furthermore, these must include as an indispensable subject to be completed successfully for further study and motivate them to take part in sports activities where a group has to be succeeded for winning like in cricket and soccer that set examples of these values every year.
Conclusively, there is no doubt different sets of interpersonal skills are disappearing in today’s generation but with implementation of proper guidance among newcomers and arrangement of different programs at regular time in business firms can bring stupendous outcomes within corporate world. Moreover, technological sources can be used as a learning method for imbibing these primary codes and practising in real life for betterment and peace of mind.