The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
This is a two-part question essay. The first one is asking for the cause of overpopulation, the second one is asking for your opinion.
If you want to disagree with the topic question statement, you have to write 3 paragraphs:
Body 1: The cause of overpopulation
Body 2: The effect of overpopulation on human society
Body 3: Over population is not detrimental as, for example, climate change.
If you remove the above Body 2, then the essay’s coherence will be lost. There will be no clear connect between Body 1 and Body 3.
Model Essay
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change.
A concise introduction. The first sentence both acknowledges the general statement in the topic question and explain the cause of population rise. The second one provides an opinion from the author.
To make good use of emphasis in Writing, place the most important keywords at the beginning and/or the end of your sentences.
A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7.5 billion.
K-3 words in the Body 1: coincides, consequently, craft, gradually, majority, revolution.
Good use of cohesion. The author starts with the cohesive device “since”, then “thus”, then “this situation”, and last “consequently”.
In the phrase “7.5 billion (people)”, the word “billion” is in singular form.
The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas.
The author has remembered to start every paragraph with a topic sentence.
Good collocations here: resource depletion, environmental degradation.
Good use of sentence structuring. In the phrase “Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas”, “unemployment” is the effect, and “a densely populated area” is the cause. But in the previous sentence, the cause (“overpopulation”) is placed in front of the effect (“overconsumption”).
However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality.
Good use of contrasting language: does not happen on a global scale vs around the world.
The author has provided evidences for supporting his view.
“From an environmental perspective, …” supports the idea of “ecosystems are affected by climate change”
“... which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate …” supports the idea of “social systems are affected by climate change”
Overall, the author has used many academic words in his essay, precisely and appropriately.
To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
A simple and concise conclusion. You can end your essay with a 1-sentence conclusion, but 2 is better in this case.
A 269-word essay is enough for Academic Writing Task 2. Going over 300 words means you are unable to concisely express your idea, and that isn’t encouraged in the IELTS exam.
Words: 269.
Task Response: 9
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas
Coherence and Cohesion: 9
uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resource: 9
uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9
uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Another sample essay
The problem of ever-growing population has stroked as a global issue encountered by today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of population is the major threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest impact on the environment and the wellbeing of the human beings.
Population growth is reciprocal to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in effectiveness of control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills which are easy to use, but less efficient and that result in increased birth rates and available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase life span.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased population demands for increase housing, employments and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery and fertile lands turned to be industrial areas that in turn lead to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to ecosystem.
(Written by Susa Dhakal)
Corrected Essay
The problem of an ever-growing population has stroked raised as a global issue encountered by for today’s generation. The main reasons for this rapid growth are mainly due to an ineffective population control measures and advancement in the healthcare system. This essay agrees that the steady rise of the population is the major greatest threat to mankind in this era because of its greatest major impact on the environment and the wellbeing well-being of the human beings.
Avoid overusing passive voice. “An issue for someone” is much natural than “an issue encountered by someone”
Redundant language. If you have used “due to”, then you don’t need to add “the reasons for”.
When being asked “do you agree that it is the GREATEST problem?”, you are required to include a superlative adjective in your answer. So “the major threat” doesn’t work here.
Population growth is reciprocal related to the effectiveness of birth control methods like family planning and adequate knowledge on reproductive health. An increase in the effectiveness of birth control measures lowers the birth rates. There are many cases of failure of such measures leading to unwanted pregnancies resulted from improper usage. In addition, newly invented technologies in the healthcare system have increased the life span of human beings resulting in decrease birth rates. For instance, many women prefer to use temporary birth control measures like birth control pills, which are easy to use, but less efficient, and that result in increased birth rates. and Furthermore, available treatments for many fatal diseases like cancer, myocardial infraction results in increase longer life span spans.
The topic sentence here is not coherent with the main theme of the essay. Since the author has stated in the conclusion that longer life span is a cause of overpopulation, he should include it in the topic sentence of this body paragraph too.
“Reciprocal” means “given, felt, or done in return”. The correct collocation in this case is “to be related to”, not “to be reciprocal to”.
“There are many cases.” Which cases, then? The author are required to provide some examples after using that phrase. I would suggest him delete that sentence completely since his essay is too lengthy.
The last sentence is too lengthy and incohesive. Should have broken it down into two sentences. Not to mention that the author forgot to put a comma after the relative pronoun “which”, which makes it really hard to read.
The author spends most of his Body Paragraph 1 for supporting the argument of “inefficient birth control leads to overpopulation. His other argument about longer life span is nearly overlooked. Poor coherence here.
In recent times, the greatest issue for humankind is the detrimental effect of rapid population growth on the environment and health. The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities. An increased increasing population demands demand for increase more housing development, employments, and productions that resulted in the destruction of greenery verdant and fertile lands, which turned changes those areas to be industrial areas, that in turn lead leads to pollutions and various health issues. In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.
The author uses each body paragraph to address each topic question. Good thinking.
If the essay question requires you to address if “the problem of X is the most dangerous threat to humanity”, it implies that you should compare the effect of X (overpopulation, in this case) on humanity to that of Y and Z (nuclear war and environmental pollution, for example).
However, the author has not make any comparison. A possible approach is to say that “overpopoulation is the root of other serious issues such as environmental pollution and high unemployment”. The root of other problems is usually the most dangerous one.
“The environment is greatly destroyed by the human activities.” But how? The author needs to proof it with evidence.
“In particular, air pollution is the most common problems caused by human activities that lead to many respiratory problems of mankind.” This sentence fails to support the argument in the previous sentence (“An increasing poulation demand for…”) The author could remove it since his essay is pretty lengthy anyway.
In conclusion, a rapid population growth is a serious problem resulted from inefficient population control measures and limited knowledge on controlling as well as improvements in healthcare facility leading to a longer life span. The subsequent impacts of this rapid growth on human beings are becoming serious due to irreversible damage to the ecosystem.
This conclusion does not fully address the topic question. The author should have been written that overpopulation is the GREATEST threat, however, he only said that it is a “serious” issue (much weaker).
325 words is too much for an Task 2 essay. If you write less than this, then you will have time to double-check your grammatical mistakes.
(Words: 325)
.
Overall: 6.0
Task Response: 6
✓ addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others
✓ presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive
✓ presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
✓ attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
✓ makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
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This essay is corrected by Anh Tran - Let's Write Something Group.
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The two diagrams depict the ground floor plan of a building house.
Overall, significant changes were made around the stairs. Before, there was storage under the stairs and a hall beside the stair which got dismissed. Besides, the existing internal doors and internal walls were replaced in a different direction.
On the existing floor plan, there were two entrance doors, and at one entrance door, there was storage under the stairs also with a hall beside the stairs. Besides, there were two internal doors along with walls to separate the kitchen as well as the living room.
On the proposed changes plan, firstly the storage under the stairs also the hall got canceled. Secondly, the internal wall, as well as the door in front of the living room, got canceled, and two internal doors with one wall in front of the kitchen were proposed. Thirdly, at the corner of the kitchen, kitchen furniture was included.
The diagram illustrates the ground floor plan changes, which are made from the previous plan. Overall, we can see there are only minor changes which have been made at the staircase, and the internal walls.
Regarding the proposed changes, it is clear that the internal wall in the Living Room has been removed so as to enlarge it., simultaneously, the storage under the stairs has been eliminated. Further, internal doors are relocated towards the entrance, which are now adjacent to each other rather than opposite. After relocation of the doors, the hall has been now occupied by the full flight of stairs. As far as Kitchen is concerned, the size of it is reduced by adding the kitchen furniture parallel to the entire kitchen walls, which might be the dinning area.
TASK 1
These diagrams depict the existing ground floor plan for a house, and the proposed changes made to it's building structure. In the initial floor plan, as you enter the house you immediately walk into a long hall with stairs on it's right side, along with a storage space available under the stairs. At the far end of the hall, there's two doors on both sides, with the kitchen on the left and the living room on the right hand side, behind the stairs.
However, in the second diagram massive changes are made to this floor plan. Now, the hallway is no longer there and instead when you enter the house, you walk right into the living room, with the staircase at the far end corner. Moreover, now the kitchen has a double door entrance, on the left side from the main entrance door and It also includes a separate place for kitchen furniture for more convenience.
TASK 2
In the early years of a child's life, providing a good education is very important to ensure they have a strong grasp on the basics before they are expected to any learn further. Many parents may argue that homeschooling is the right way to educate your children while others would be in favor of children going to schools.
While homeschooling your children would be a highly demanding task, it would ensure that the child is getting individual time and attention. Often, in a big classroom it is difficult for the teacher to pay attention to every student and there is no knowing whether they are focusing in class. Moreover, children might feel more comfortable learning from their own parents and may take more interest and more participation in their learning activities.
However, sending kids to school is more commonly practiced as it is alot more convenient than homeschooling. Homeschooling would be a full time job for a parent and they'd have no choice but to stay at home for the sake of their children. Sending children to schools is a proper way to ensure quality education. For a child's development a well-rounded education is highly important so they learn new skills, get creative, socialise, and do team working, as well as just learning what is in their textbooks.
In my opinion, homeschooling is not the best method of education as children tend to become introverted. Hence, sending children to school is vital in order to develop a confident personality and to have more learning experiences which would help them become their true selves.
The given diagrams depict a plan of a ground floor.
Overall, the most significant changes are supposed to be made between the living room and the kitchen. In the future it is planned to remove hall and storage under stairs. Besides, the stairs zone on the existing floor is obviously smaller than in the proposed one.
Internal doors on the current plan are located on the sides of two internal walls, opposite the entrance door. The renovation implies removing the right internal wall and shifting doors down to the entrance. In addition, in the proposed plan there is no storage under stairs. That way, more space would be left for the stairs zone.
However, future alteration do not affect kitchen and living room. The only thing that is going to be changed is kitchen furniture: the proposed plan shows the presence of furniture unlike existing one. Nevertheless, due to removed right internal wall the kitchen zone becomes more spacious.
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It is often argued that home education is the most proper decision for children’s development, whilst many people consider actually attending school extremely significant. Undoubtedly, both ways of educating children have their own benefits. But personally I believe that going to school is one of the key parts of minors’ socialisation.
On the one hand, children who do not have to regularly attend classes at school have substantially more time for their hobbies. They have possibility to do exactly what they are interested in. Furthermore, home education is also about an individual approach to everyone, so the process of learning becomes more effective, easy and enjoyable for a student. Due to recent research conducted by the University of California, 87% of children who study at home have significant achievements in other spheres of their lives, such as hobbies and various extracurricular activities.
On the other hand, socialisation is a very important part of everyone’s life. School’s major goal is not to simply give some amount of knowledge to pupils but also make them learn how to behave properly in society. Besides, school time gives us unforgettable memories with our peers and ties with them may be really helpful in future. Personally I have been a very secure person before the first grade and only school has been able to teach me how to communicate with people and make friends.
In conclusion, although it seems very convenient to study from home and not having to go somewhere every morning and lose time, I am sure school is an inevitable place that first of all prepares us to real life difficulties and problems.
The two maps display the current floor plan and the one that includes some changes that are suggested to make.
Overall, two main parts namely kitchen and living room are going to remain at their own places but some changes connected with little elements are considered to be implemented.
An existing floor plan has a hall and stairs between kitchen and living room. The two internal doors are located at the top of the map and there are internal walls near them. Besides, a storage is placed under stairs.
The plan that shows us proposed changes has some local differences. Furniture is planned to be added to kitchen. It is suggested to remove one internal wall and the storage under stairs. Besides, the hall is fully removed. The internal doors are going to be placed at the bottom near the entrance door. Stairs are supposed to be expanded in the place where the internal doors, the internal wall, the hall and the storage are now located.
The two maps display the current floor plan and the one that includes some changes that are suggested to make.
Overall, two main parts namely kitchen and living room are going to remain at their own places but some changes connected with little elements are considered to be implemented.
An existing floor plan has a hall and stairs between kitchen and living room. The two internal doors are located at the top of the map and there are internal walls near them. Besides, a storage is placed under stairs.
The plan that shows us proposed changes has some local differences. Furniture is planned to be added to kitchen. It is suggested to remove one internal wall and the storage under stairs. Besides, the hall is fully removed. The internal doors are going to be placed at the bottom near the entrance door. Stairs are supposed to be expanded in the place where the internal doors, the internal wall, the hall and the storage are now located.
The picture illustrates the floor plan of an already existing building and proposed changes for a new building .
Overall , it is expected that the new building will have a larger living room , bigger stair case and a modern kitchen.
In the existing floor plan , the kitchen on the right is separated from the hall by a wall on its right . At the center of the floor is a hall which is separated from the kitchen and the living room by two internal walls lying adjacent to each other . Within the hall is a stair case with a storage beneath and two doors one on each wall , located at the upper ends , which permit entry and exit into the kitchen and the living room .The living room is situated at the left end of the floor.
In the proposed plan , the kitchen will be made more modern by adding furniture into it . Also , the wall separating the kitchen from the hall will be extended to occupy the location of the door ,while the door will be moved to the lower end of the same wall .The hall , will be demolished , the storage under the staircase removed , and the staircase extended .The living room on the other hand will be made larger by pulling down the wall on its right end which separates it from the hall. Also , its door will be removed and move to the south end of the kitchen's internal wall , now lying adjacent to the other door .
The picture illustrates the floor plan of an already existing building and proposed changes for a new building .
Overall , it is expected that the new building will have a larger living room , bigger stair case and a modern kitchen.
In the existing floor plan , the kitchen on the right is separated from the hall by a wall on its right . At the center of the floor is a hall which is separated from the kitchen and the living room by two internal walls lying adjacent to each other . Within the hall is a stair case with a storage beneath and two doors one on each wall , located at the upper ends , which permit entry and exit into the kitchen and the living room .The living room is situated at the left end of the floor.
In the proposed plan , the kitchen will be made more modern by adding furniture into it . Also , the wall separating the kitchen from the hall will be extended to occupy the location of the door ,while the door will be moved to the lower end of the same wall .The hall , will be demolished , the storage under the staircase removed , and the staircase extended .The living room on the other hand will be made larger by pulling down the wall on its right end which separates it from the hall. Also , its door will be removed and move to the south end of the kitchen's internal wall , now lying adjacent to the other door .
The map shows architectural design of a house in its current form and planned changes to its design in the future. It can be seen that in the proposed plan the living room area is increased and the stairs are located right in front of the main entrance.
Currently the house has a main entrance that opens into a hall with stairs located in its right side .On the end of the hall there are two doors one on the right side other on the left side. Door on the right opens into a living room and door on the left opens into a kitchen. kitchen also has a separate entrance from outside and it does not have any furniture currently.
In the modified plan main entrance opens into the living room with stairs in front. On the left of entrance there are two doors which open into kitchen which is now modified to have kitchen furniture along its walls.
There is storage under the stairs currently which is excluded in the new plan.
The two diagrams depict the ground floor of the house before and after the proposed changes.
Overall, prominent changes such as stairs, doors and internal walls made the rooms become more functional and more spacious than before.
On the 1st diagram, there is mainly three spaces where as the kitchen on the left-hand side, hall in the middle and living room beside stairs. They were divided by internal walls and there were two doors attached to walls which were located at the opposite of each other. Furthermore, kitchen can be seen as the widest area in the plan. But both kitchen and living room did not have any furniture added.
On the 2nd diagram, the proposed changes for ground floor were made, where most part of the internal walls were dismissed. And then, the staircase has been moved to the other side of the entrance. Furthermore, not only doors to kitchen were widened but also furniture were added. Although living room remained the same, it seems wider than before. Therefore, after renovation plan, living room can be seen as the most spacious space.
thank for advice, perhaps practicing is the best solution
This is advantageous. Thank you
Useful advice