Let us try to analyse IELTS writing task 2 by one of the candidates preparing for IELTS:
Question:
A lot of people are travelling nowadays than before.
What are the reasons for this and what are benefits of travelling?
Candidate’s Response:
Travelling has become more economical and easy today than compared with the older days. In contrast to this, earlier period making a travel plan itself, used to be a tedious task as it included many factors like firstly setting up a budget, arrangement of various place bookings etc.
Today, people are travelling more than ever before due to easy connectivity and reach of many places. Moreover, people have more flexible jobs so they can take time out from their busy lives and and just have a weekend get away to any nearby places. Travelling has also become more affordable due to entry of many multinationals in the country and also mainly due to the reason of too much of competition. So everyone tries to give a better deal to the customer either by offering discounts or by giving an all in all customized package.
Besides the above points, people have also become more open minded in terms of exploring new places. They are willing to spend money and time to visit their favourite destination.
Lately, what we have seen that the trend a lot people travel alone and have started exploring new places. They stay with the locals of that particular place, eat what local people eat and explore the local area around. Due to this, they understand the local culture without spending too much money. Travelling to distant places makes people more independent also.
To sum up, we must all take out time to travel around different places big or small, luxurious or not and find our own space in this world.
Now, we will analyze the above IELTS writing task 1 response as below:
Introduction:
Strength:
Paraphrasing is attempted
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Travelling has become more economical and easy today than compared to the older days. In the earlier period, making a travel plan itself used to be a tedious task as it was dependent on many factors such as setting up a budget, arrangement of various bookings and so on.”
Body Para 1
Strength:
Reasons of travelling are given and extended well, and sentence connector (moreover) is used
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Today, people are travelling more than ever before due to easy connectivity and reach of distant places. Moreover, people have more flexible jobs. So, they can take out time from their busy lives and just spend weekends going to some nearby tourist places. Travelling has also become more affordable due to entry of many multinationals in the country and also mainly due to the reason of too much of competition. So, everyone tries to give a better deal to the customer either by offering discounts or by giving an “all in all” customized package.
Body Para 2
Strength:
Good use of sentence connector (besides the above points) is there and there is no error of grammar, tense or sentence structure.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
This para can be combined with the first para for proper formatting and paragraphing which can give better clarity to the reader.
Body Para 3
Strength:
Sentence connectors (lately, due to this) are used
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
Writing impersonally like “we have seen” can be avoided and replaced with “it is seen”, “trend a lot people” should be “trend is that a lot of people”
Conclusion
Strength:
Sentence connector (to sum up) is used and conclusive statement is given
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“we must all take out time to travel” can be “people take out time”
Expected Band Score: Band 6.5
The candidate writes free from grammar, tense and other errors. However, there are some errors related to sentence structure that interferes in making the statement clear and effectiive, otherwise. it could be Band 7 task response.
Bình luận