Let us do analyse the IELTS writing task 2 of a candidate preparing for his IELTS exam.
Question:
Some people prefer living in an apartment while others believe living in a house brings more advantages. Which, out of the two, is better?
Candidate’s Response:
It is preferred to live in a house by some people but living in an apartment is considered more advantageous by the other group of people.
I strongly agree with the second group of residents who prefer to live in an apartment rather being in a house. Living in an apartment makes the family closely-bonded as there are not multiple floors. The family members spend more time with each other while living on the same floor as compared to living in different floors in a house.
Secondly, the safety in an apartment is more as the apartment’s society is always deployed with ample number of security guards along with CCTV cameras at all floors, entrance and staircase the society events and competitions give a platform to their children to interact with kids from different religions and background. It also encourage them to perform in front of large audience which enhances their public speaking skills.
In total, living in an apartment is comparatively has more plus points than residing in a house.
We will be doing analysis of the above IELTS writing task 2 as below:
Introduction
Strength:
Paraphrasing of question is done
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“It is preferred by some people to live in a house but the other group of people consider living in an apartment as more advantageous.” can be more appropriate.
Body Para 1
Strength:
Reasons are written without grammar error.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“I strongly agree with the second group of residents who prefer to live in an apartment rather being in a house. Living in an apartment makes the family closely-bonded as there are not multiple floors. The family members spend more time with each other while living on the same floor as compared to living in different floors in a house.”
There should be more sentences structured in order to full extended the first view and examples should be given to illustrate the ideas.
Body Para 2
Strength:
Reasons in favour of apartment are given and use of sentence connector (secondly) is there.
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
“Secondly, safety in an apartment is more as the apartment’s society is always deployed with ample number of security guards along with CCTV cameras at all the floors, entrance and staircase the society.Events and competitions held in the society provide a platform to the children to interact with other kids from different religions and backgrounds. It also encourages them to perform in front of large audience which enhances their public speaking skills.”
There are no ideas about living in a house. The second paragraph could be about that. More points should be included to fully extend the ideas and along with that, examples should also be written.
Conclusion
Strength:
Main conclusive feature is written well along with use of sentence connector (in total)
Corrected Erroneous Statement:
None
Paraphrasing of question is missing here.
Expected Band Score: Band 5
Overall, the candidate has explained only one part of the question, has written less number of words and there are errors related to grammar, tense and others
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