18 Jan 2018
|04 Jan 2018|
Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
Topic: Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
To what extent do you agree with these views?
Nowadays, there are lots of advertisements on television or on the streets. Some people think that the advertising boosts the sales of goods and it encourages people to buy things unnecessarily. This arguments may be true. In my country, many advertising companies produce advertisements with famous and popular actors or singers celebrities. People, especially youngsters, buy goods that their favourite singer singers advertise, although they do not really need the products.
Weak opinion in the third sentence.
The fourth and fifth sentences should not appear in the introduction. Rather, they should be moved to the Body Paragraph 1.
Also, on the television screen, a product may look gorgeous and good in quality. As a result of it, people often buy goods without enough consideration. Consumers may not actually need it, but they buy goods impulsively soon after they watch the advertising. Furthermore, as many customers buy a particular product due to its advertising campaign, the other people may be affected by the trend, even if the product is not of the real needs of the society.
It is unclear whether the word “it” in the phrase “As a result of it” means. Consider removing it.
The author forgot to place a comma before the sentence clause “but they buy goods impulsively soon after they watch the advertising”.
On the other hand, there are various aspects counter-arguments against these arguments. Moreover For example, it is people's choice an invidual choice to make a decision to buy goods. Advertising may be not a cause of customers' buying habits. Individuals have their own spending habits. If they have got enough disposable income, then the right to mane make a decision’s is given to them. No one actually can fudge whether the goods sold are the real needs of the society or not.
“Aspect” does not go with “against”.
The second sentence is unclear. The author’s inadequate lexical resource prevented him to sophisticately express his opinion. He repeated the word “people” many times.
The author should have place a comma before the sentence clause “then the right to make a decision is given to them”
Avoid using contraction (‘s instead of is).
The phrase “No one actually can fudge” expresses a very strong claim, without any proof followed. Such a strong certainty contradicts the previous paragraph, which leads to lower score in Coherence criterion.
In addition, as there should be a limited amount of disposable income that consumers are able to spend, people try to allocate their budgets. They cannot be simply swayed by those advertisements.
It is unncessary to write a 2-sentence paragraph. This part should be included in the Body Paragraph 2.
Again, the author needs to use some hedge writing. Phrases like “They cannot be simply swayed by those advertisements” contradict to the previous written sentences.
In conclusion, as customers have their own strong opinions and standard of good quality goods, it’s is better to leave them to make their own decision in buy buying goods. It’s is fairly difficult to say everyone’s is swayed by advertising and to buy good impulsively. However, in sensitive area of businesses business areas such as toy industries the toy manufacturing industry, it may be necessary to band ban them from advertising to those the children as because children have not got enough ability are unable to control themselves or to know what they need.
The phrase “standard of good quality goods” is ungrammatical.
One time using contraction is counted as a slip, but too many times of that will be deemed as a grammar mistake.
The author kept using “as”, a word that can be ambiguous at times. Consider using other linking words such as “because”.
Overall, the ideas are on point. The author also has expressed his opinion.
Task Achievement: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the author has written more than 250 words, expressed his opinion, and covered everything asked by the topic question)
✓ presents a clear position throughout the response
✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
✓ arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
✓ uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
✓ may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
✓ uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource: 6
✓ uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓ uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
✓ may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
✓ uses a variety of complex structures
✓ produces frequent error-free sentences
✓ has good control of grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors
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