Advertisement

Prevention is better than cure (Corrected essay)

27 Aug 2017

Prevention is better than cure (Corrected essay)

Out of a country health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures.

WRITING TASK 2 

Write about the following topic. 

Out of a country health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

 

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. 

---------------------------

Every week we will randomly choose 3-4 complete essays from the group members and correct them. So make sure to finish it in time, perhaps you will be the next lucky one!
 
If you want to write the full essay, let's email to us at [email protected]. We will send you the feedback soon!
 
---------------------------

SAMPLE WRITING TASK 2 

In today’s world disease increases day by day vice versa, cure also but it costs millions of dollars on health budget of country. I believe that we used start thinking alternatives such as preventing them and health education.

A large amount money used in to develop cure and treatment and discovery of vaccination. One of best ways to educate it awareness of health education in child, adult, old ages people.

Health education in school must be part of education system, seminar for adults or promote through celebrity on television Ad on public place or reward for it.On other, hand assess the prevention. If we prevent them to spread it will be easily. The best ways it to eliminate for bad habitat such as wash our hands while eating to or stop, smoking and drinking. Pursue a good lifestyle eating a health diet fresh fruit and vegetable and doing regular exercises such,walking yoga or swimming. And if some is sick they must diagonics properly. For example, H1N1 is spread from monkey to human if we proper diagnosis first we find it we stop to spread in human or tuberlocisis in Germany.

I strongly believe that prevention is best cure in today’s world all the person in should starting thinking about it without wasting money on cure.

(Band 4.0)

---------------------------------------

Corrected Writing Task 2

 

In today’s world disease increases day by day vice versa, cure also but it costs millions of dollars on health budget of country. I believe that we usedshould start thinking about alternatives such as preventing them and health education.

  • The first sentence is very unclear, and the word choice is also inappropriate in a writing context.

A large amount money are used in to developdeveloping cure and treatment and discovery ofdiscovering vaccinationvaccines. One of the best ways to educate itis awareness of health education in child, adult, old ages people.


Health education in school must be part of education system, seminar for adults or promote through celebrity on television Adadvertises on public place or reward for it. On other, handOn the other hand, assess the prevention. If we prevent them to spread it will be easily. The best ways it to eliminate for bad habitathabits such as wash our hands while eating, to or stop, smoking and drinking. Pursue a good lifestyle eating a health diet like fresh fruit and vegetable and doing regular exercises such, as walking, yoga, or swimming. And if some people isare sick, they must diagonicsbe diagnosed properly. For example, H1N1 is spread from monkey to human if we proper diagnosisdiagnose first we find it we stop to spread in human or tuberlocisistuberculosis in Germany.

  • Lots of spelling and punctuation faults are presented here.

  • The ideas are also either underdeveloped, or aren’t arranged coherently.


I strongly believe that prevention is best cure in today’s world, all the person in should starting thinking about it without wasting money on cure.

  • The conclusion is too short and informal.

.

Overall: 4.0

  • Task Response: 4

✓ responds to the task only in a minimal way or the answer is tangential; the format may be inappropriate (the essay only has 214 words)
✓ presents a position but this is unclear (very weak conclusion)
✓ presents some main ideas but these are difficult to identify and may be repetitive, irrelevant or not well supported.

  • Coherence and Cohesion: 4

✓ presents information and ideas but these are not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression in the response
✓ uses some basic cohesive devices but these may be inaccurate or repetitive (on other, handon the other hand, “and”, “for example”)
✓ may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing (the Body 1 paragraph is too short)

  • Lexical Resource: 5

✓ uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task

✓ may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader (vaccinationvaccines, diagonicsbe diagnosed, diagnosisdiagnose, tuberlocisistuberculosis)

  • Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

✓ uses only a very limited range of structures with only rare use of subordinate clauses (attempted to use “while” and “if” but the structure is faulty)
✓ some structures are accurate but errors predominate, and punctuation is often faulty (the lack of commas really make it hard for the reader to understand)


--------------------------

This essay is corrected by Anh Tran -  Let's Write Something Group. If you want to practice more about writing Task 2, you can join this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/351029818650829/

If you want to correct your Wring Task 2 essay, let's view our free service at this link: http://ieltsonlinetests.com/ielts-tips-and-lessons/free-ielts-writing-correction-service

Share this article:

Other Articles



Comments

Follow us

Latest information about IELTS

QR Code

Getting Started

More Info